Who should have control over the finances?

Question

I am a housewife so my husband is the sole provider in the family. He works around 50-60 hrs. per week. I have to admit I'm not good at managing money because it seems like theres always something I want to buy for my kids. I've told my husband I want him to take over paying the bills and just to give me a certain amount of money so that I dont over spend but he says if he's going to work 60 hours a week and have to figure out the finances then why does he need me around. I feel very low, that I cant get a hold of this situation but my husband refuses to handle the money! Based on everything Ive said, what should we do?

Answer 1

I've been married over 26 yrs, with my husband bearing the financial burden of support. As a homemaker, I know I spend the most money, even not counting monthly bills.

I suggest you find a way to share this burden. I encourage you to consider setting up online access for your billing, you'll find it easier to keep up with and very secure.

I've never used a "budgeted" amount, simply keep up with the finances throughout the month. If you can operate on a specific amount for the kids, then put that cash amount aside and when it's gone, it's gone.

Your husband is partially right, working 60 hrs a week doesn't give him the mental time to focus on bills, checking balance, etc.. But "having you around" isn't tied to who pays the bills. You need to find a system that works for you and that your husband can also use, at any given time. No one person should have all the knowledge or all the power - causes way too many problems.

Answer 2

If the only reason he needs you is to manage the money, I would bring up a question of all the other things you do around the house, like the cleaning, the cooking, the childrearing, etc... and then there's the matter of love and intimacy... a matter where he needs you just as much as you need him (and if he doesn't need you in this matter, then the longevity of your marriage might be up for question).

If all he thinks of you about is merely someone to balance the budget, then he either feels he takes care of everything else (including intimacy), or has simply forgotten and needs a reminder.

I know how you feel, when it comes to being terrible with finances. I'm the same way My husband takes care of the finances because he is more reliable with money, is better at math, and is not prone to forgetting things as I am.

If words don't do the trick, I would suggest you taking a few days or a week or so, and go on a trip or something. Go spend some time with family, or go to a spa, or something. Make him realize all the things you do too. Maybe then he'll realize doing the budget is nothing compared to doing the housework, being the kids' taxi, or having a hot meal prepared for him when he gets home.

Answer 3

In all fairness the job of a housewife is to handle the household affairs, you chose that role. How would you feel if you were the career woman working all week and then came home and were expected to cook, clean, do bills, grocery shopping and everything else on top of it. Alot of women are in that situation and it sucks.

I know its hard for some people to manage money but I reccommend making it your project, investing in a Suze Orman book or a good For Dummies book (it's a GREAT series) and learning more about budgetting, personal finance and saving money. Picking up good financial habits will benefit you for the rest of your life. You also need some discipline it sounds like, I know how tempting it is to indulge the little ones but think before you buy if they really need it. A good habit to develop would be to put any item you pass up into a college fund or some other account for them when they get older. Everytime you don't spend $10 or even $5 deposit it into this account.

Answer 4

This is something you should have established before you got married. You both have points, but I have to agree with your husband (though not with the rude way he stated it). It's time for you to step up to the plate and have a bit of self control. There's no reason why you can't give yourself an allowance and stick to it except for the fact that you don't want to.

This will be good for you and give you a sense of accomplishment.

I'd strongly suggest that you read both of the "must reads" from the link below as well as Personal Finance for Dummies and Smart Couples Finish Rich by David Bach (also on the link below). The first three will give you the basic knowledge you need in order to manage your family finances. The last one you and your husband should both read and work on together.

Money is the leading cause of divorce. Don't fall into that trap.

Good luck!

Answer 5

The person that pays the bills, handles the money.

Answer 6

It's important that you learn how to manage money... this is your opportunity to do so. Should, God forbid, something happen to your husband and he is unable to manage the money, you will know exactly what to do. Be sure to also educate your kids on managing money... it's important.

Answer 7

He may be doing that by purpose.
To trap you in future ofcourse and blame you for all the waste.
Take control but know its not easy getting money.
Youd better try working yourself. You will know how bitter it is and you will become more responsible.
Goodluck.