isnt everything we do in life a selfish act? even love? cause we want to be in love so that we fell happy. even if the other person feels happy , we feel happy for that person. so therfore isnt love then a selfish act?
2006-10-03 22:31:10 · 16 answers · asked by mr_zot 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
What a cool question! I personally think that the answer to your question exists within your question! There are many kinds of Love but I gander that the one you're talking about is the romantic kind. The best barometer is the "selfishness" factor. If we examine out motives, we will know the degree of purity of our Love. For instance, if we are loving only to recieve emotional gratification in return, then this falls into the category of need more than love. I ask myself " is this person's hapiness and well-being a top priority to me even if it means letting go of them?" If I can honestly answer yes, then in my opinion , this is "true" love!
2006-10-03 22:47:40 · answer #1 · answered by ? 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Mostly yes. Even loving someone is a selfish act because we are only truly happy when that person loves us back. But why not is it wrong to be selfish and look after one's self.
2006-10-04 05:35:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
With your question you have touched on the central motivating force for the human condition - the ego.
In answer to your question - Yes there is such a thing as true love but you will never experience it if you are motivated by the ego.
The barrier to true love is an obstacle called the Ego.
What is conventionally called "love" is an ego strategy to avoid surrender. You are looking to someone to give you that which can only come to you in the state of surrender. The ego uses that person as a substitute to avoid having to surrender. The Spanish language is the most honest in this respect. It uses the same verb, te quiero, for "I love you" and "I want you." To the ego, loving and wanting are the same, whereas true love has no wanting in it, no desire to possess or for your partner to change. The ego singles someone out and makes them special. It uses that person to cover up the constant underlying feeling of discontent, of "not enough," of anger and hate, which are closely related. These are facets of an underlying deep seated feeling in human beings that is inseparable from the egoic state.
When the ego singles something out and says "I love" this or that, it’s an unconscious attempt to cover up or remove the deep-seated feelings that always accompany the ego: the discontent, the unhappiness, the sense of insufficiency that is so familiar. For a little while, the illusion actually works. Then inevitably, at some point, the person you singled out, or made special in your eyes, fails to function as a cover up for your pain, hate, discontent or unhappiness which all have their origin in that sense of insufficiency and incompleteness. Then, out comes the feeling that was covered up, and it gets projected onto the person that had been singled out and made special – who you thought would ultimately "save you." Suddenly love turns to hate. The ego doesn’t realize that the hatred is a projection of the universal pain that you feel inside. The ego believes that this person is causing the pain. It doesn’t realize that the pain is the universal feeling of not being connected with the deeper level of your being - not being at one with yourself.
So in summary the secret to true love is to dissolve your ego and wanting, accept and love the person without trying to change them and not using that person as a cover up for your own egotistical craving for 'more'.
2006-10-04 06:47:57 · answer #3 · answered by abluebobcat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Selfishness is just related to expectation. When there is no expectation, and if something we do or somebody does gives happiness, satisfaction or joy, it is selfless...
Selfless does not mean that we vanish from it, instead we dissolve or merge into it. Just that we consider ourselves at par with everything around, and then decide the priority objectively.
When we see a beautiful sunrise or sunset we feel happy, and it cannot be selfish at all, it is simply that we merge with the beauty and happen to feel/share the joy of nature !
2006-10-04 06:28:01 · answer #4 · answered by Spiritualseeker 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see why it cant be both, true love would make you happiest of all so if seeking happiness is something you consider a selfish act then there it is! The closest thing to 'true love' in psychology is 'consumate love'... let me see if i can remember the definition. Sternberg's triangle, i cant remember what the 3 types of love are that make it up... arg! anyway all three combined = consumate love.
2006-10-04 06:02:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I wouldn't say that " everything" we do in life can be called just one thing, you know? Some define selfish as a bad thing, like greedy. Others look at it as taking care of ones own needs first, like thier health, cleanliness, and finances, to mention a few. Are these things bad? I believe I had true love in my life once, romantically. Both she and myself put the others needs and desires first. I was willing to sacrifice anything, including my life to keep her safe and secure. She was the love of my life, and though she passed at only 28 yrs. old, years ago, I still remember how good it was, and think of her every day. thanx--R
2006-10-04 07:03:58 · answer #6 · answered by Raptor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Staff
No not really. I myself have experienced this, I married at 18 was madly in love with my hubby for 7years. We had our daughter straight away(she 22 now), after 7yrs i just STOPPED loving him. I couldn't tell him tho i wanted our daughter to grow up with two parents. Now i don't think that was selfish i was think of our daughter. So there for i was not thinking of myself. It did break his heart tho when i told him when our daughter was 16, Now my hubby was a violent man, i am glad we could not have anymore children. I hid all the beatings from everyone even my own family. Now my daughter understands why i stayed and why i left. My hubby is with another girl now the same age as our daughter and he has a daughter to her now. I am happy for them but feel sorry for the girl he is with
2006-10-04 06:09:54 · answer #7 · answered by chass_lee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is true love and there is selfish act, the two have a market cross section on the XY axises. And if it bothers you, get to draw up the axises aiming to make your individual choice where true love lies on the x axises and selfish act on the Y axises, so you mark off the marginal cross ration. Good luck.
2006-10-04 05:49:30 · answer #8 · answered by seesunsuf 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mothers love for their children is true & unselfish,its unwavering even when there is no reward.
Love in the romantic sense doesn't always bring happiness to either person but can still be true.
2006-10-04 11:52:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mostly selfishness. But selfishness has been adulterated with bad personality. Try reading Ayn Rand's work (I thnk it was 'The Virtue of Selfishness'). There, you will see that selfishness is a good act.
2006-10-04 05:45:33 · answer #10 · answered by humble_samurai 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋