Is it wrong for me to consider my boyfriend my husband?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together 13 years. Neither of us want to get married, as both of us have done that, been there.
He considers me his wife.

We do not have children and will not have them since I had to have a hysterectomy. Which he is fine with that. I do have two from my previous marriage and he has none. (But he does consider these two as his own)

This part is for wthing5 I am not a whore, I do not have sex for money!

Answer 1

I think it is OK. And that length of time living together, some states consider you common law marriage, and also if you put yourself out there as a married couple. Sure there is the legal paper that protects and assures certain benefits, etc, But if the both of you are OK with your relationship as it is - you have no problem if it feels right to the two or you! Like they say, if it's not broke...... Also, I feel that being married is more of a state of mind. Lot's of married people cheat for instance, while some unmarried couples stay faithful to each other. So whose more married - the one with the piece of paper or the one with the heart?

Answer 2

Well, I'm not going to get into the moral issues involved which, I assume, you don't care about anyway.
There are legal issues involved in living together without marriage. Common law marriages are recognized in some states but not others. There are also requirements for making a common law marriage valid.
Also if you have no marriage the settlement of your estate will be made in civil court rather than family court. Your estate will be more open to claims made by other relatives such as your parents, etc. Neither partner has any legal claims on the others assets because you're not married.
Social Security does not recognize "live in" relationships. If you go to SS to collect your partner's benefits they will not give you any money because you cannot produce a marriage certificate. Yes, they expect you to show up with ALL the necessary paper work.
If you have children from marriages and children from your "live in" relationship the children from the marriage may have more legal rights than the children from your relationship.
You may think that marriage is "just a piece of paper" but even legally it's much more then that. I suggest you talk to a lawyer and get your affairs in order if you intend to continue like this. It will save a great deal of heartache later if one of you dies.

Answer 3

You have what is considered a common law marriage since you have lived together for more than 7 years. You should however consider getting married in order to make sure you are legally entitled to insurances bank accounts etc...
His family may be able to contest a will on the basis that he didn't marry you officially despite having had ample opportunity.
Remember that any benefits you receive are also part of the legacy you will leave to your children.

Answer 4

You know, I think it's kind of iffy. On one hand, whatever arrangement works for you both, is fine. It doesn't matter as long as you two agree. But on the other, what's the point of pretending you're married when you aren't? I mean, you aren't getting married because both of you have already done it, so don't pretend you are. Does that make sense? I would honestly say that if you were in a relationship with 20 other people, as long as everyone agreed, what difference does it make to anyone else? But you can't act like he's anything more than a long term boyfriend.

Answer 5

If you live in the states your living together probably constitutes what is call "common law" marriage. Just hope yuo two don't break up because you will more than likely have to go to court over division of property and you may not fare as well as a woman in a marriage would

Answer 6

To be a wife, means to share many things, home, money, bank accounts, taking care of kids, the laundry. Does he support, or help support you? Do u do everything and he does nothing? You never want to get married?
The other week, Dr. Phil had a woman on who gave up her child-bearing-years for a man who kept putting off a marriage date. Now she's too old to have children, which she wanted. My point is, decide what u want, and go after it, because u may wake up too late, and can't do anything about it.

Answer 7

My biggest concern is in legal standing. Common law marriage is one thing, but if something were to happen to you, even though he "considers you children as his own" what of the legal standing of your children? If you don't have medical directives drawn up, what if one of you are in an accident, and a decision has to be made of "pulling the plug"? By the way, it looks like only 12 states (including DC) recognizes common law marriage.

Answer 8

Not wrong but for security and financial reason you will be in losing situation. Always remember that you have no legal right to claim him as heirs, or direct benificiary?
Incase, as you have your separation in the future (like death or devorced) with your husband, you have no legal documents to prove. The other side of the problem is when time will come and you aggree to separate lives, all your joined acquired properties, wealth and children are questionable custody.

Answer 9

wrong, no, incorrect , yes. there are some legal considerations in marriage that are very pertinent. God forbid that either of you should die unexpectedly, the burdens placed on the "spouse" are extreme and can lose the family home and property through unforeseen expenses. domestic partnerships are not protected from losing inheritance to bonafide family members. even ex-spouses, and other blood relatives can claim property not secured by a legal relationship. the surviving "spouse" can be forced into bankruptcy by a contested estate. so-called "common law" marriages or "domestic partnerships" still need to be registered to have legal status. all "considerations" aside, they have no legal status. if you are living in his house, you and your children could find yourselves homeless overnight simply because his family wants the property.

Answer 10

After 13 years you might as well be married. An actual marriage ceremony and legal document is just for show anyway.