My husband left his mother as his executive in his will!!?

Question

My husband left for a deployment and today I found his will and he left his mother as his executive and he also stated in there if something happens to both of us, she gets the kids and if his mom and dad dies, the state gets them! (we have 3 ages 6, 4 & 2) What gives? What about my parents? What about my other family? I don't even like his family at all!!! I am soooo angry at him but he says I am overreacting! He left his mom in charge of everything and says it's because she does "taxes". Whatever. What do you guys think? Would you be angry or am I overreacting?

Answer 1

Sure you are angry- and he could be the sweetest guy who just made a lousy choice without realizing how upset you would be.

Think about it- he is going to war. He doesn't want you worrying he may very well die. So he decides to write the will on his own thinking he will spare you from having to do it with him and have it weighing on your heart as he leaves.

His mom does well with taxes and money- logical choice for man who probably think she can handle the paper side of things best and doesn't understand how it looks to you or anyone else. He puts in a clause for the kids should you both die- normal again, but then sends them off to his parents- honorably his first choice he loves mom and dad. Again not realizing how that could hurt your feelings or your family's as well. Then he gets to the ohh if mom and dad are gone too then the state gets custody- probably thought it was his only option.

Hun he wrote that quickly and under alot of stress so cut him slack he probably was truly trying to do the right thing. Sometimes men under pressure and stress facing a war do not think clearly at times.

Talk to him calmly- offer these option changes-
The will should read- all money is to be placed into a living trust for the care, health and wellbeing of my remaining family Wife and childrens names. It is my request that His Mom be the fudicary of setting up this trust in thier names for this purpose. In the unlikely even that my spouse is medically or phsyically unable to care for the children due to illness or accident We wish that any and all available grandparents participate in care of our children until such time their mother can recover enough to resume the full custodial control of the kids and trust. Should my spouse also die before teh children reach legal age of 21 then we have chosen XZ and CV as legal gaurdians and with they should be placed with them for ongoing care and life support with the trust held by them for specific use in care and needs of the children as see fit until age 21 when the trust can be placed in thier care.

You both need to logically choose two people your own age as legal backup gaurdians. Don't choose parents from either side they are too old really to take on raising children, you want a couple who you feel will raise your children in a happy home in many of the same ways you have already raised your own kids. It's not easy to pick someone and you do have to ask them and they must agree and all parties listed must witness and sign the document. This is called a living trust not a will- it is subject to far less taxes and almost no probate delays since the details are laid out in structure.

Read up a bit on this type of estate law and you will see it is the best solution. You can work out the details over the phone and fax copies or email them back and forth until you both agree on the details. Then he can get his signature witnessed over there and notarized ship it back to you- you sign notarize and it's done.

Answer 2

omg. I would be so mad. He should have discussed all of this with you. And if you don' t like his family then they probably don't like you. Even if you could get over the fact that he made his mom executive what he did to the kids is unreal. Sounds like he doesn't like your family much. The thing is, is he is deployed. So you should try to deal with this without a lot of words said that can't be taken back for the time being. I would contact my own lawyer to put a stop to this and when he gets home tell him what you did and to not overreact to it. but to answer the ? I think he was really wrong to do this to you and I don't think your overreacting. Hope this works out for u.

Answer 3

That is more than a slap in the face.Ask him who he married you or his mother? Im sorry,but that puts your kids in an unbelievable predictament if anything happens to you,and you dont want his mother to get your kids,you need to go to an attorney,have your own will drawn up.Why would he do that? I just dont think that I could forgive that if I was a good parent.Im afraid I would take that extremely personal,and maybe file for divorce while hes gone.Youre not overreacting if youre a good mother.Ask him what his motives are and why in the world would he do that.I just couldnt get past this if I was you. Dont overlook this,its too big to just forget about it.

Answer 4

He has the right to appoint anyone of his choosing to be exteutor of his last will and testament. If you don't like the fact that he has made his parents legal guardian of your children if both of you die then I suggest you have your own will made up. Because that is the only thing that would put your children where YOU want them to be rather than where your husband wants them to be. Maybe you should have dicscussed this matter before you had children becuase this can cause a mighty big rift in your marriage.

Answer 5

First of all you are HIS WIFE. Not his mother. He cant leave anything to her because you own all he owns as community property. And the law says YOU WILL WIN being his wife. You have every right to go make your own will stating just the oposite of anything he has in his will. And why would he even put in there, "IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENS TO BOTH OF US "? anyhow? Sounds fishy to me. I'd go get my own living will made while hes gone contradicting everything his says. Plus I'd look into getting a divorce from a guy who doesnt even love you enough to leave YOU, his wife, all his worldly possessions upon his death. Yes I'd let his mother have his @$$ back too.

Answer 6

I would be furious! There's supposed to be a joint-consultation & decision going on, but he made a seriously important decision (without you) that concerns all of you, without even considering your needs or wishes.
How does he know what the kids will want or need, or what's best for them when they get older... they might grow up despising his mom... it happens that way sometimes.
Just because his mom does taxes, it doesn't qualify her to raise your kids... even perverts & murderers can do taxes. Maybe you should seriously consider having a doctor check him out to see if he's got a sound mind???

Answer 7

I would be very angry. How dare he not include your family but worst not even talk to you. What kind of man is he. He is a momma boy and to totally leave your family out is just wrong. I feel bad for you because what else is he hidding from you. I couldn't trust a man like that.

Answer 8

Dang right I would be angry. Did you not say we have children I repeat WE, you both have the right to make that decision. You should have discussed it between you. If he does feel they are the better to raise the children it still should have been discussed. I would speak to a lawyer before something did happen. They are your children two and you did birth them. Trust me don't wait until it's to late to figure this out. How long have you been married. Is this something that you would have expected? Think if it is something his mom talked him into. My suggestion again speak to a lawyer.

Answer 9

Some states require that wills/beneficiaries ONLY be for the wife and/or children. Contact a lawyer asap to get this taken care of. Frankly, what a jerk he is to totally bypass his wife! I find that very insulting and almost childlike that he's running to mama for his finances.

Answer 10

Sorry, but if I had a husband that did that without my knowledge and I found out, he'd find himself in divorce court. I'd make my own will and his family would be left out especially if I didn't like them and it concerned my kids.