Tramatized as a kid..!! Now I can't move on..?

Question

I've always been a big girl. The tallest one in my class, the chubby one in the family, I come from a family of a line of pretty thin cousins. Growing up an only child I was told to see my cousins as my brothers and sisters, Only I was the one they felt they could pick on. They called me horrible names like PIG, RHYNO, ELEPHANT, and other Fat names. Thanks to these cousins of mine I grew up with no self-esteem that I think is now enterfeering with my marrage. I constantly compair myself to other women, even my husbands ex's. I want to feel pretty and sexy for him, but when I try to, believe it or not but I still feel UGLY and FAT like I did when I was little. HELP PLEASE!! NICE ANSWERS ONLY...

Answer 1

It sounds like you've been conditioned to see yourself in a negative light. All those ugly comments are lodged in your mind. You know we have the capability to become what we believe. You need to reprogram your mind to see yourself as the beautiful, sexy woman that is really there. Once you do that you will manifest those qualities to others. Never compare or compete with someone else. Work in your own arena. That is what is important. Look into meditation Cd's that work at reprogramming. They really work. If you aren't satisfied with your appearance work on that too. Tap into that goddess consciousness, girl....

Answer 2

Take time to figure out what you don't like about yourself. Dedicate the time and effort to correcting these things and making it a priority.

I suffer from clinical depression. Well, over the course of three years I had gained like, 65 pounds. I looked and felt like a whale. I was even having physical symptoms. My feet and heels were hurting because of all the excess weight my body was carrying around.

I joined 24 hour fitness, and went EVERY DAY for two weeks, then I got back into school to further my nursing career, and I busted my gym time down to every other day.

In two months I lost 35 pounds. I still have about 20 more that I'd like to lose, and I will......but just that accomplishment has me feeling like a totally new person. And it was something I did for me.

I have a new friend (after a troubled marriage that is now ending) and he makes me feel like the most precious thing walking this earth. Life is lovely.

My advice....get a membership. Don't even tell anyone if you don't want.....but go....DAILY or ATLEAST every other day. Watch what you eat....portion control is important. Calorie consumption is important. Start with 30 minutes on the treadmill walking, then do weight training. If you go daily, you walk daily, and for the weights, one day do upper body......the next day do lower body....and you alternate. You will see results in 4 weeks, I promise! And you will see how much your esteem and energy goes up.

Good luck. You can do it!!!!

Answer 3

You need someone to talk to, try a therapist. I went to the inverse of what you are going through. All my family has been short and bigger, I am a tall skinny woman. I got jokes about my weight, the fact I have no boobs, no curves, I might as well be a man....Many horriable things. "Oh my g-d are you bulemic?" The whole nine yards. I am fit and healthy and I eat like a horse, I was just born that way. It still effects me to this day, I still dont wear revealing clothes beacuse I feel I look like a 11 year old. It's hard but You just have to be happy the way G-d made you although diet can help nothing is going to make you short, and nothing will change the fact you are stocky. thats your genes You just need to talk to someone to help you work throiugh those issues, and then do something just for YOU that makes you happy, find your marbles- the things you do just for you. I found bellydanceing, I have a rock hard body and curves now, not that anything short of drastic sergury will give me heather locklear's boobs but thats ok. I'm happy with it, now I just dont listen to that voice that says "Your not good enough" I listen to my inner G-ddess who tells me "You were made this way by your creator and therefor if the Creator saw you worthy, see yourself as worthy too beacuse G-od is never wrong"

Answer 4

There are a couple of things I can think of that might help.

Number one, when you feel like you're not good enough for your husband, stand up straight in front of the mirror with your shoulders back and your head held high. Say to yourself, "He picked me. He's here with ME." Then flash yourself a smile and say "That's because I'm a sexy thing!" It sounds corny, but it really does help.

Number two, understand that self-esteem that comes from other people always fails us in our time of need. Build self-esteem that will last a lifetime by accomplishing things. Set a goal, work toward it, accomplish it... bingo, you've made a deposit in your self-esteem bank.

Number three, one of the best ways to feel good about yourself is to lose yourself in service to others. Check with your local United Way for volunteer opportunities, find something to do that benefits other people. It doesn't have to be a huge committment, but you'll be amazed at how great it makes you feel to do something completely selfless, where you're so busy thinking about others that you never once think about yourself.

Good luck. A lifetime of looking down on yourself can be fixed, but you have to be willing to accept and love yourself first.

Answer 5

I understand your childhood traumas carrying over into your adult life. Especially if what your cousins teased you about is still there. Some kids grow out of the akward stages like pimples, buck teeth, and being chubby. So they can look back and think thankgod thats over. But if its not, its got to be very painful. However, coming from a thin person, I can tell you that without a doubt it has more to do with how you see yourself than how badly you were teased as a child. I wasnt ever teased. I was popular, thin and pretty. Still, I am insecure about my partners x's, other women and how he sees me compared to them, and whether or not I'm pretty enough for him. Then I worry if I'm interesting enough. harming and funny....the list is endless. I cant think of a person who isnt insecure about how they look. Or if they are enough to keep their partner captivated enough so they wont cheat or leave them. This helps me. I ask my partner to take one quality he liked most about his last three x's and one he liked least and I do my best to make sure I dont let any of those bad qualities take over the good qualities. Doing just that will probably make him want you even more. Then remind yourself every time youre feeling insecure that he must have found you hot enough to want to pursuit. And have sex with. Why would that change? Have you put on another 50 lbs? Did you lose your hair? Grow a moustache? If not, he still thinks your hot. And do your best to look as good as you possibly can. Dont wear sloppy clothes and think hes going to treat you like a victoria secrets model. What he will do is check out the women who do put themselves together. And dont forget youre with a man. They love to look. Fantasize and unfortunately carry it out alot of the time. Dont take it personally. They see sex very differently than we do. Take care of yourself first. And if hes not making you feel beautiful get rid of him. Trust me there is someone out there who will.

Answer 6

I've nothing against fat people. Here's the nicest respond I can come up with, lose some freaking weight. Even if society is wrong to judge fat people like your cousins do, it's still freaking unhealthy. Think about your offsprings, you may pass down some disease or somthing in your genes. Think about medical bills.

But remember being healthy doesn't mean you can't enjoy food. Being fat doesn't mean you enjoy food either.

Answer 7

I went through the same thing and my husband could not understand why I felt that way. If you want to lose weight do it he would say, but it isn't always easy. I suggest you go to see a counselor, they can help you work through you self esteem issues, then go see a nutrition specialist, they can put you on a healthy eating plan that will help you lose weight if you want to. Trust me you can get through this. Try not to compare yourself to his ex, because he is with you now. If you need any extra support feel free to email me. Good luck.

Answer 8

It was Eleanor Roosevelt who said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"....choose to be a *survivor* instead of a victim. there are many self help books to assist you with your low self esteem. You have allowed these people to define who you are and that, my friend, has always been your job. Take back control of your life and your emotions and you'll feel much better about yourself, no matter what size you are!! Believe me, I've been there!! I was called fat pig, bubble butt, rotunda, wide load, etc. when I was younger. I've always struggled with my weight all my life and came to the conclusion long ago that those people are *ssholes and have absolutely NO power over me (BTW, the worst name caller was my mother). Time to put yourself in the driver's seat of your life and stop allowing those small minded people to affect you. They are beneath you. Try the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie to start off with. In the immortal words of Bill Murray in Scrooged "scrape 'em off...if you want to save someone, save yourself". Best of luck to you!!

Answer 9

You are a beautiful person, inside and out. You are not alone in this world. The past is history. We learn from our past and it makes us a stronger person. At times, it humbles us and mindful of others. Don't let the past hold you down and control you or interfere your marriage. You should be thankful you have a husband supportive of you in whatever you do because you are beautiful. Most women don't even have a man of their own. And most man like big women too. Take care.

Answer 10

I hope this isn't too mean, but are you still chubby? I think you should try to go out and do some activities this will help you boost your confidence and you will probably end up loosing weight. Don't compare yourself to your husbands ex's as this will make him see you as someone with low self confidence and he wants to see his wife as a confident sexy woman.
Confidence gives you sexiness