eloping into marriage with a lover-wil it survive?

Question

i have a boyfriend and my family doesnt like him,w e are in love and are planning to elope, is there a chance our marriage will survive like any othe rmarriage? we have dated for a year now and are both 22 years..please help, i really love him and i knu he loves me too. i thot getting pregnant would be a sure way to get maried to him but i knu my parents wud rather take care of the baby than let me live with him..he is black (an african) and am white..but its not an issue but i believe its what my parents are against..hes here on study but i want to go back to africa with him and live with him for good..i really do love him!!please post ur views

Answer 1

It doesn't matter how you're married because the ceremony itself cannot guarantee you a happy marriage. However you can get married in court and invite your parents to attend and see if they come. Isolating your family is not a good idea because they do love you so you should involve them in your life as much as possible. Don't get pregnant just to keep a man, babies make things worse and having a baby won't convince your parents that you're serious so don't have kids for this reason alone. Make sure that you want to live in Africa because although I don't know where you're from...Africa is a third world continent and are you sure that you and your children can bear all the hardships that come with living in a developing country? You will be far away from family and with only your husband to depend on, what do you do if you both can't make the marriage work? Africa is a difficult place to live and living in places like that can put on extra strain on your marriage if you're not ready for it. Marriage itself is a hard institution to manage and changing countries can break up a lot of the love that couples have initially. Why not ask him to live in your country, is he willing to love you enough to leave his country for a while? You should seriously consider your relationship because things might not always be this loving and kind as they are before marriage.

Answer 2

My hubby and I eloped to Vegas and have done great. It's not the elopement I'm concerned about with you.

You have to look at the possibility of marrying this man with your head, not your heart. Love absolutely is not enough. You've gotta use your brain on this one, no emotion at all, in order to make the right decision.

Have you spent any time at all in his home country? Do you have any idea what you are really getting into? Africa and the countries in it are soooooo very different from the US, and quite different from each other. Many of the countries have very unstable or harsh governments. Even in a stable, prosperous country, simple things like going to the grocery store and getting medical care are very different from what you're used to.

You say you believe your parents are against the fact that he's black. Have you actually asked them? Often parents see what kids don't want to see. Perhaps they are more concerned about the move to Africa than the fact that his skin is dark. Have you asked them for their advice and let them voice their concerns or have you just gone into an emotional "But I LOVE him" mess?

Please, please, please, really think about the ramifications of this before you do it. If you get to Africa and realize you've made a mistake, you're going to be a LONG way from home and completely on your own in a world you don't really know.

Answer 3

I would strongly recommend you don't get married yet.

I know you think you are so deeply in love that you could live anywhere, but you have no idea how different Africa is. It is a beautiful but dangerous place. In most cities, crime is very high. As a white woman, you would be a target for mugging because everyone would assume you have money. In the country, you would have to worry about deadly snakes, crocodiles, hookworms and spiders that burrow under your skin and lay eggs (and then all the little grubs hatch out...), malaria, huge cockroaches...the list goes on.

Then there's the culture. Women are subservient in most African cultures, and you may find your partner's attitude towards your rights will change, once he is back amongst his own people.

Bottom line is, don't commit yourself to marriage until you have experienced Africa and know that you will be able to cope with it. There are many tales of white women who have married African men and gone to live there, and it hasn't worked out.

Answer 4

What you and your fiance favor is what concerns, in simple terms be particular you've good %. taken so that you'll be able to deliver anybody some. so some distance as whats categorized as eloping, in simple terms %. an section that you both like and may want to favor to get married at and bypass for it. i have heard that you'll be able to style of elope to tropical places for 2 that are not very intense priced, or theres continually vegas! good luck

Answer 5

remember - marriage is a long-term, difficult undertaking. and to tell you the truth it doesn't just affect the two of you, but both of your families. do you really want your marriage to drive a wedge between you and your parents?
now i'm not saying break off the relationship, or even not to marry him. but maybe you two should postpone the wedding until your parents begin to warm up to him - let them know that you respect them and that you don't want your relationship with your fiancee to hurt your relationship with your them. and if after a while they still don't approve of the marriage, don't run off to get married - tell them up front that the two of you are in love, that you waited an appropriate amount of time, and that it's time for you two to be married. running away to be married won't solve anything
although you may eventually have to go against your parents wishes, you don't have to do it in a way that would disrespect them or refuse to confront them. they may be angry about your descion, but it will be a lot easier to continue the relationship with them if you are up front and honest rather than eloping with him.

Answer 6

Marriage is hard work all the time no matter how you get married. My husband and i eloped and we have been married for 5 years now and are very happy. Your right race should not matter, whatever you do don't get pregnant for the wrong reasons. You should follow your heart, it will lead you in the right direction.

Answer 7

Get pregnant is the most stupid thing to do to get married.
Nobody is going to still him from you. Wait let him finish study and you find out where you really are and want go.

Answer 8

BE CAREFUL YOU TALKING ABOUT GOING TO AFRICA WITH HIM THAT'S WORSE THAN MOVING TO MISSISSIPPI YOU BETTER CHECK OUT SOME INFO ABOUT INTERRACIAL MARRIAGES IN AFRICA. YOU NEED TO WATCH THE MOVIE "NOT WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER" MAYBE YOU WILL UNDERSTAND SOME OF THE CONCERNS THAT YOUR PARENTS HAVE FOR YOU. I HAD A FRIEND AND SHE MARRIED A AFRICAN CITIZEN AND HE GOT HER HOOKED ON DRUGS. AND NO I'M NOT PREJUDICE I'M IN A MIXED MARRIAGE MYSELF AND LEFT MY COUNTRY TO BE WITH MY HUSBAND.

Answer 9

They think he's looking more for citizenship than in love with you.
Caution: When you leave this country...you leave the protection of this country. Beware.

Answer 10

it is 2006 and people are still on this "black and white" thing. SAD!!