I earn four times as much as my wife yet i feel like she gets her wants before we pay for our needs. She tells me that she gives me all her money which she does but it doesn't nearly cover what it takes to just keep up her habits. She spends money before we get it and I can't even buy anything for myself. She spends money on ebay for junk when our utilities are about to be turned off. When i try to tell her about priorites she doesn't want to hear it. Will she ever change or am i doomed to live in poverty as long as we stay together? In the twelve years before i met her, I was never broke, however the first year we were together, i had to file bankruptcy. we have been together for four years and our finances get worse every week.
2006-10-03 16:49:42 · 24 answers · asked by breeze1 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
some times is ok
2006-10-03 16:51:24 · answer #1 · answered by chuco 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I really hope something like $$$ wont tear u apart. We always hypocritically say money has NOTHING to do with it and its all love but thats partly a lie. Because sometimes money can interfere with your happiness and progress. As for you, I applaud you for being such a hard worker and for some notion I think the guy should make more than the wife (maybe not 4x but w/e) That does NOT give your wife a right to carelessly spend it. I say you need to draw the line. Maybe tell her you'll buy the essentials and anything else she wants she'll pay with her money. Tell her its overburdening you that she is being so selfish (no offense). Go treat yourself to something! You deserve it. Get a suit, or some nice cologne w/e. Plz try to make it work. Maybe you can have her read this response and see some input from outsiders :-) Peace and good luck.
2006-10-03 16:57:25 · answer #2 · answered by justmyinput 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could separate your finances and responsibilities. You have 4 times as much money so you need to pay almost everything. She can be responsible for her own expenses such as clothing and gas and all the household food and supplies like soaps etc. If she doesn't have the family money she can't spend it. But if you have the money you must do all the bill paying and budgeting which is hard work. You can make this work you just have to take on the finances of your family.
2006-10-03 17:25:44 · answer #3 · answered by ~K~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Financial problems are always a symptom of a larger issue, not the actual problem. The idea that you would marry someone and file bankruptcy within the first year sends up a big red flag to me that you 2 have a reality problem to begin with.
If you really love her and want to be with her, you 2 are going to have to go to an outside financial counselor, one who will commit to working with you on a budget and keep you personally accountable.
I don't know what your faith status is, but you will find that there are churches in your neighborhood that have these types of ministries. They would welcome people that are not members in a program like that, just like they would members. The best part is, they are personal and caring, and will work with you as long as you need it. Call around to some of the larger ones in your area and you'll find one pretty fast.
2006-10-03 16:59:23 · answer #4 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a rule I don't think that divorce should be an "out" especially if there are kids involved. Think of this as a problem that you and your wife own together as opposed to it strictly being her problem. Life always has problems but it is how you deal with them that defines who you are as a person and either builds or destroys character. Also, another consideration is that if you make significantly more than she does, you would probably have to pay spousal support in addition to child support if there are children from the marriage. Why expose yourself to greater financial risk especially if you could solve the problem in another way? If you still care for your wife, then try to exhaust all other possible solutions before resorting to divorce.
2006-10-03 16:58:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way I see it you have 3 options:
1. See a Marriage Counselor to discuss this problem.
2. Take control of the money completely. Allow her to keep what she earns as her spending money. You pay all bills. When she needs extra money, talk it out with her to find out her needs and provide the money she needs. If she needs a credit card, get a card with a low balance for her. She has a problem and you need to intervene to save the marriage.
3. Divorce
Good Luck Brother! :)
2006-10-03 16:59:03 · answer #6 · answered by Mr. Michaels 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a serious talk with her about your financial status because it is important for the sake of your future. I would just be serious and don't try to fight over it, because that will make it worse. Just tell her that it is important that you pay your bills before getting extras because one day she might not have any electricity to even turn the lights on! I had an ex boyfriend that was like that and we aren't together anymore but not for that reason. I think that it is an important issue in your marriage. Talk to her about it.
2006-10-03 17:00:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
take charge. seems like you may be a bit more responsible so let her give you her share for the bills and keep what she needs for herself. then pay the bills yourself. if you make four times as much why does she need to give you all her money? she needs money to spend she is a woman but the Bills should come first. pay the bill yourself and that way you will know for sure that the bills are taken of. unless she is stealing from you it's not time for a divorce.
2006-10-03 16:55:38 · answer #8 · answered by sexylousleo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take away all of the credit cards, and don't give her any money. Then make out a budget and show it to her so that she sees where the money needs to go. Give her a set amount of money that is just for her to blow, and get to a marriage counselor.
Good luck
Don't continue to put up with her spending habits, or she will just keep doing it.
2006-10-03 16:54:59 · answer #9 · answered by kimberly b 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That depends on the family income verses the amount of money the other is spending. If they are spending way more than they can afford, then the other one better start thinking about some sort of exit strategy. Just don't go to President Bush that help!
2006-10-03 16:56:19 · answer #10 · answered by lifescircle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's got an addiction, she needs help. If she compulsively spent all of your money on crack instead of useless shopping, how long would you have stayed with her?
Another alternative is to treat her like the naive money manager she is and give her an allowance in a bank account and remove her access and involvement in the rest of your saving and bill paying (keep her posted on the real cost of living though) until she proves consistantly that she can manage what money she has access to. Good luck.
2006-10-03 16:57:03 · answer #11 · answered by devilUknow 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋