I've known couples who lived together for years and then decided to get married. The relationship was over in a matter of months. Why would marriage change things between two people who already share every aspect of thier lives together???
2006-10-03 16:36:00 · 14 answers · asked by WonderTwit 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I agree. When my first marriage ended some years ago, I attended several "singles" functions. I was astonished - I met so many people who had lived with someone for years, then got married, and shortly afterwards split up.
I've come to the conclusion that it wasn't the marriage that caused the split. It was the split that caused the marriage!
What I mean is, that if a couple has been happily living together for many years, marriage obviously isn't important to them. So something has to change in the relationship, for them to suddenly start thinking about marriage. So the chances are, the relationship is already going wrong and one or other of the partners is frightened it's going to end. Marriage is a last-ditch attempt to bind the relationship together and prevent it falling apart. Only it doesn't, of course.
People who are married do a similar thing, only with worse consequences - when the marriage gets shaky, they have a baby!
2006-10-03 16:52:54 · answer #1 · answered by Kylie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When people get married they stop trying. I know, it should be the opposite but it's not. They stop trying because a lot of people look at marriage as a permanant bond until they realize they're not happy. They stop trying to impress their spouse and stop trying to make things spontaneous and romantic so therefore the relationship loses every spark it had that kept the relationship together in the first place. I'm not saying all marriages are like that but what you're talking about most of the time is.
2006-10-03 23:40:19 · answer #2 · answered by Cutie_wit_a_booty_08 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been with the same man for 10 years and have two children. I have been married once, him not at all. Some people together that long feel that once married their problems will go away. When the problems stay, divorce is a quick way out. My advice would be.........if you both are content and realize marriage is not a quick fix..........go for it. I am in no hurry, I have been through a divorce and it is no fun.
2006-10-03 23:43:02 · answer #3 · answered by baby_noah_ark 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have no idea. It seems to me that by then , the couple should pretty much know each other so I don't know why it would change after marriage. My guess would be their expectations for each other changes all because of a piece of paper. Also, they get lazy and stop communicating like they used to because to them, they have already attained their goal which is "marriage" so they feel they don't have to put in any more work.
2006-10-03 23:40:44 · answer #4 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through this. It's not that marriage ends their relationship. It's based ON the relationship itself. If the relationship was rocky... love is blind. Up until marriage, you tend to overlook so many things that might hurt you, or bother you. Once your married, you start to think "can I live like this forever???" I am now remarried to a fantastic man. The difference is - we had a great TRUSTING relationship before we married.
2006-10-03 23:42:51 · answer #5 · answered by Kristen G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To some people getting married and living together is another matter, getting married is committed to each other,,,,,,no more freedom and there are rules to absorb, staying together for 8 years and suddenly all these change after married,,,might not be used to it,,hence the breakup...
2006-10-03 23:50:09 · answer #6 · answered by Larisa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I could share with you my experience with this one but I dont want to cloud what might be an exciting to you. If you feel as if it will last then do it and dont worry about all the other couples you have seen. Sometimes marriage makes people think they have ownership or even that there isnt an out when ever they just want to leave.
2006-10-03 23:42:38 · answer #7 · answered by tiggerluvnmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't compare your relationship with other couples. If you feel that your relationship is strong enough to withstand such a trial, then you should get married! My cousin is marrying her boyfriend of 9 years, and she says that it is the best thing that has happened throughout their relationship. Take it as a blessing, not a mistake.
2006-10-03 23:38:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anythinggoes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the pressure of total committment makes people drift apart. My cousin was in a relationship for 11 years, got married, had their 3rd and 4th children together, then divorced! I don't get it...
2006-10-03 23:41:20 · answer #9 · answered by browngurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your compatible after 8 years, you should be fine!!
People just don't realize that marriage takes alot of work!
2006-10-03 23:50:58 · answer #10 · answered by Lucky 7 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋