Need some advice on how to deal with ex mother in law?

Question

Okay, here's the deal. Ever since it was beyond appearant that the realtionship between the father of my child and myself was over, his mother has been treating me like poop. It's really no surprise to me, but I just hate dealing with her. She doesn't even let me in her house anymore when I drop the baby off like I am some kind of disease. She says pretty close to nothing to me and when I do ask her a question regaurding my daughter she's real short and bitchy about it. Her son is the reason our realtionship didn't work, and she sticks up for him even though he treatd me so badly. Please, does anyone have ANY advice on how to deal with her, or do I just have to put up with it, I have been nothing but nice to these people.

Just a tidbit....She babysits while I work. I have considered getting a babysitter instead of taking my daughter to her house, but I am not very trusting. The last babysitter I used, my baby contracted head lice from.

Answer 1

No, you should not put up with this kind of behaviour from your mother in-law and should nip it in the bud right now. What should be important to your mother in-law is her grandchild and as the mother of her grandchild she should treat you with due respect. And it is going to be up to you to make that clear to her. We teach people how to treat us and no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. How you react to her behaviour is important. If you just simply put up with it, then you are essentially accepting, reinforcing and allowing this treatment - and your mother in-law won't stop.

You will have to sit down and talk to your mother in-law. Do it with dignity, grace and respect and demand the same in return - lead by example. May it clear to her that you do not like the way you have been treated and will no longer allow it. Also make it clear that this discussion is about you and her, your relationship, and what the both of you can do to improve it - or at least try to get along - you don't have to like one another or be friends to have a mature and respectful relationship . Her son and your ex and whatever problems you had are NOT to be discussed because that's not the issue - your relationship with her is the issue and stick with it and don't let her sidetrack you. Whatever problems or issues you had with your ex is your private and personal business and although she may be his mother, that doesn't make it her business and you don't owe her any explanations.

Advise her that you two are going to have to forget your differences and work on your relationship for the sake of the child. Explain that if you two have a toxic relationship it will affect your child - her grandchild - and you can't accept or allow that. Explain that you are going to have to put the concerns of your child first and you will not have your daughter in the middle of a toxic relationship between her mother and grandmother. If your mother in-law's behavior toward you doesn't change than you will have to consider a change in how often your child can see her. Grandparents are important and do have rights, but so do you, and your right as a mother to protect her child is the greater right. Do your best to improve your relationship with your mother in-law, but if that doesn't work and you've done all you can, than your mother in-law should suffer the consequences of her actions - even if that means not seeing her grandchild as often, because the present situation it is not a healthy environment for her. The ball is then in her court and the simple solution for her, and make sure she sees it, is to behave appropriately and treat you with the respect you deserve - and then maybe you can all move on and get past this.

I really feel for you and wish you all the best. Good Luck.

Answer 2

First off tell her if she cannot be civil toward you, you may start believing she is also like that to your child and that you will no longer be bringing YOUR daughter to her home any longer if that is the case. Stand up for yourself and speak out. Do not let her intimidate you whatsoever. If you have to, write her a letter. It's easier to put down all the things that bother you without leaving anything out. Make sure you mention the things her son did, and that you are not one to tolerate abuse of any kind not only for yourself but that of your daughter as well. Sometimes the best way to deal with nasty people is to not deal with them at all.

Why do you drop the baby off at her house anyway? Does she babysit? Get a new one if you must. There's plenty of help through social service for child care and single parents.

Answer 3

Why are you bringing the baby to her house? Is it to watch her while you work, or something like that? If that's the case, find another sitter.
Or you could ignore her grumpiness and be just as sweet as pie to her all the time. Remember to smile like crazy and always say "Please" and Thank You" and tell her how much you appreciate her. Just really go overboard. She will eventually be won over, and you will have made a new friend! But, whether you like or not, she will ALWAYS be a part of your child's life, so you might as well get on her good side.

BTW, She is not the reason you and your ex aren't together. You and your ex are the reason. Don't try to blame your inability to work out your problems on someone else. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but you need to start owning your part in this. No one else can break up a marriage unless the ones in the marriage allow it.

Answer 4

Don't drop your daughter with her. My ex mother in law acted the same exact way. That must be protocol or something. I told mine that if she couldn't treat me with respect she couldn't have my son anymore unless it was on his fathers visitations with his father present(his father lived in Arizona and we live in Nebraska). She did stop bad mouthing me in front of my child which is better than nothing I guess but she was still very cold towards me.
Ex mother in laws can really be the pits. Just stand your ground and don't let her push you around.
Does she ask to have your child every Mothers Day? Mine did every year and I told her NO every year and explained to her that she was not his mother I was. She never learned.
Good luck with her!! They don't get any better with time.

I would suggest getting a new babysitter. Use a state licensed daycare(one that has several providers). The way she is treating you can you imagine what she could be filling that child's head full of. Do you really want your child to learn all of her mannerisms? Lice aren't all that bad when you consider the alterative. At least you can get rid of those. Learned behaviors are a little harder to get rid of.

Answer 5

Listen honey, I got a doozy of a mommy in law too!Ever since me and my girlfriend got together she's been ragging on me to her. She wants my girlfriend Janice, to find somebody else. We have been together for 15 months and love each other very much. But her mother is the ______iest woman that ever walked the earth. I mean I'm not rich. I'll probably never be rich and I honestly believe that's why she hates me so much. She works in the courthouse in an office and makes a sh!tload of money. I just don't fill her expectations of a son in law. I tried to be nice to her, but I can't. I try to be nice that's when the ***** switch gets fliped. I don't know what to tell you to do except not to let her get to you. And stop trying to make her like you because it's not anything about you that she doesn't like. She will hate you reguardless of anything, so don't let her get under your skin. Good Luck!!!

Answer 6

There is no reason why you have to deal with her at all. Tell the father to pick your daughter up himself. Or have him meet you somewhere else to drop her off. Just ignore her if you continue to take your daughter over there. Remember some adults are immature too. That is her son and in her eyes he is probably always right. Dont take it hard on yourself.

Answer 7

If she isn't nice to you then refuse to drop of her grandchild off to her make her come and get the baby or your ex get him. You owe her nothing and she will never see your side of it because her loyalty is to her son and that is how it should be I guess. Her son has told her his side to make him look good even if it is a lie. People do that it's human nature. Just don't worry about it and make her life a little difficult. When she asks why tell her the truth that you do not appreciate her attitude. It is not your job to please her. Do not go out of your way for her. She will get the message or not. If she doesn't well you stood up for yourself by not taking it.

Answer 8

k so this may sound bad...but it really works, from experience. get up and in her face one day, look her in the eyes, and just, in a rough loudish tone, voice ur feelings...what u had to go through, how u really feel, how she hurts u, the kid and everyone by not working to get things to work, let her know everything, how selfish she is being and rude and immature (dont use bad words until the end) , then she will be totally taken by surprise and wont have anything to say cause shes used to controlling u with her behaviour, but let her know that you can see past that and that u are being the better one in the situation but u are just sick of her and her reactions. then lastly, ask for her respect, like a tiny bit atleast...if not for u, but for the kid...

if that doesnt work, then....smack her. :)

gl! let me know how things work out

Answer 9

i feel for you i'm or was in the same situation my mother in law is a b**** and she used to interfere with me and her son all the time she didn't like me because he would go tell her lies about me when we'd fight so she'd feel sorry for him well the last 5 years neither one of us has spoken to his mother being a choice from both sides and in that time we had a daughter who is 4 who she's never met,i don't want my daughter around anyone who despices me grandmother or not!the best thing you can do is stay the hell away from that lady don't give her the chance to try to belittle you if your ex must see your child meet him somewhere to exchange the baby without having to see that b!good luck

Answer 10

You are within your right to request in no uncertain terms she treat you with respect and civility when you are there and answer questions about your daughter. Tell her you wont accept anything but polite anymore. She is free to say anything she wants while you aren't there but you wont tolerate her being rude to you in front of your child or her saying mean things in front of your child- grandparents have no right to see a child so unless she wants to give up visitation she can learn to exhibt manners to you and about you in front of the child.

Stick to this or you child will be torn over they actions she sees others exhibt toward you and be confused and hurt. Put the foot down now.