daughter has bf who isn't liked by family members?

Question

I will try and keep this short. Our 25 year old daughter was dating a guy who was going online while dating her to singles websites looking for someone else, trying to date one of his co worlers sisters ect. Told her that if her mother kept interfering that he would "set her straight" what ever that meant. They broke up for a while then she went to talk to him to see if they could work things out. He told her he had no feelings for her but would still like to have sex with her. She said No. She then started looking to buy a house and did so. He then told her that he had a "life altering expereince" and wanted to get back together with her. She decided to get back with him. since then
He has also told her that her two dogs have to go. There is much much more but anyways my wife thinks I should WELCOME him into OUR home for thanksgiving and future holidays. After what he has said about my wife and other members of the family I say No way. Wife says well he seems like he has changed.

Answer 1

Why don't you welcome him, and then gloat when he shows them how much of a jerk he really is. Give him the chance to prove it to them, and you'll be the better person. If you continue to go against them you just look like the bad guy when you're not.

Answer 2

You have to get over this hump called "Protective Father"ness, we all date people that our dads do not like, take me as an example, my dad does not like my husband, but he tolerates him, my dad does not like my sister's husband but he tolerates him too. My mom and dad both do not like my brother's wife, I think that it is a protective parent thing! You are right though, this guy seems like a jack off the way he said what he said, and what was this life changing experience? Was it because your daughter bought a house and she has some money? I would really accept him in and keep a GOOD eye on him, the more you push him out the more your daughter will be pushed away too. There are bonds taht can never be broken, but she is 25. I think that you really need to watch him for her sake, could end up really messy and I really don't want to say that! Good luck to you and yours!

Answer 3

Hey she never said you couldn't have other guests to thanksgiving dinner as well did she. I have a couple of friends that might like to come and join you all Smith & Wesson would love to meet your daughters new BF. Unfortunately (dramatically rolls eyes) that's illegal but hey what can I say.
I think your daughter has made a very bad mistake and I just hope that it will not take her too long to figure it out. I am 25 myself and can tell you that telling her how she should feel is not going to help the situation any. She needs to figure this out on her own. But it sounds to me like BF is a scavenger.

Answer 4

First of all - what kind of relationship do you have with your daughter?? Is she the kind of person, whom if you forbid the boyfriend at your house, will rebel and not talk to you? If so, - then Do NOT forbid the boyfriend from your home but try to talk to your daughter by telling her not to settle and to also date others before she decides to stay with this boyfriend. Tell her how concerned you are about her and feel that something is not right in the two of their relationships. Also tell her you will be there for her anytime she needs a shoulder to cry on - because eventually if things do not work out - she will come to you to lean on then. She might have to learn the hard way (It is tough for us as parents to learn this part of parenting - I'm still trying - it is easier for me to tell you to do this than to actually do this myself)

Let her have her wings - and hopefully they will only get singed alittle. But she will grow into a beautiful butterfly if given the opportunity to try out her own wings - (with support of course)

Answer 5

Ohhh. I had a b/f that my family didn't like at all. he never was that awful, but still not good at all! My family treated him nice untill he started being an *** to me and would later said he "changed" and what not. My parents flat out told me He is not to even be on the property at any family functions or nothing. we don't want to see him or anything!!! I would say if you have a gut feeling about this guy, then by all means listen to it!! And maybe she will relize (like I did) that he isn't good or not the "one" and move on to get a guy she deserves!! I hope I have help a bit?! Good luck!!

Answer 6

People can change so give him the benefit of the doubt. But make sure when he is in your house that he behaves. Have respect for your daughter since she has this man in her life who she must care about whether its wrong or right it is her decision. If it is a mistake she will learn soon enough. Don't make it worse by causing more problems. Just make sure he has respect in your house and if he doesn't calmy tell him to leave.

Answer 7

You should just try and be civil to him for your daughter and wifes sake. If you dont want to put a strain on your relationship with your daughter just accept him for the holidays you dont even have to talk to him. If he is not the right one your daughter will have to figure it out on her own. If you ban him from your home your daughter will more than likely take his side and if things dont work out between the two of them she will blame you.

Answer 8

I can't say I have much experience, but with what little knowledge I have of such affairs, please explain to your wife what your opinion is of this man, and from what information you have gathered it. Your daughter is young and probably heartsore over this guy - she's probably accepting him again thanks to some internal conflict- and only the support or rejection of her parents will give her the wakeup call she needs. If you're feeling really brave, address this boyfriend directly and explain to him your conflicts - but make sure you have some sort of defense, and don't do this publicly. All of this should be extremely private. Don't share with family friends or anyone!

Answer 9

He sounds just like my ex boyfriend and my mom and dad had the same arguements about the holiday thing. my opinion is this you shouldnt put yourself at his level and you should be there for your daughter because she wont stay with him trust me. Just make sure that they both know how u feel about the situation but dont say it in a mean way and then go with it. but just because u are nice doesnt mean that he can run over u. Just be the better person and sit by and wait cause he is nothing but scum and i dont have to meet him to know that. I know men just like him and they like to use girls and emotional and sometimes physicaly abuse them and u need to be there for your daughter and make sure she is okay and let her know u love her and that jerk wont be there long so dont worry. ill pray for you. hope that helped

Answer 10

It is possible that he has changed. Allow him to a family event once or twice and see how he behaves. If he is still the bad boyfriend, stand in your place and don't let him come around again. Hopefully, other family member will see through him.