The thing is he is being a real dink about custody, telling me to ***** off and I wont get custody and any other threat you can imagine. I am am Stay at home mom since he was born, and my bf works out of town constantly so in that sense I dont have an income as my job was being maid and mother. I am not happy, depressed as hell, and I just want out...with the kid. I have no problem letting him see his kid, I just want primary custody. The thing is he thinks I want to leave because there is someone else, and there isnt. I just dont love him.
A few violent attacks in the past have made me angry with him and I just dont want him anymore.
Btw one of the attacks was him trying to kill me when I was pregnant at 8 months, he tried strangling me. I know I should have left then, but I was scared with having a baby on the way and all.
He says he doesnt remember it being like that, but it was.
There have been 2 more incidences as well since then, I just want out...need advice.
2006-10-03 15:46:03 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you don't have a relative you can stay with, go immediately to a shelter with your child. It will only get worse.
2006-10-03 15:48:21 · answer #1 · answered by phoenixheat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep no that well. My mother had the same problem as your having. And my father threatened her he would take the kids back to his foreign country and she would never see us again if she tryed to leave him. And she too was a stay at home mom as we were both under 3 years of age and he too hit her when she was pregnant or not and very abusive to her and my brother i was to young just a baby. but my brother was 3 and he would leave him on a car hood hot out in the sun all day and watch my brother cry as his bum was getting burned.
What she did was get a job wasn't a great job but something and she took us to her parents. and her mom and dad helped her too. and when she had enough money then we left. open up a private bank account just for yourself and if he's the kind to check that out give the money to your mother to hold on to.
Also if it will help you better get an opinion with a lawyer tell him your circumstance and that your boyfriend is saying he will take the kids away if you leave him. I'm sure a lawyer will say you can have the children.
good luck you can make it.
2006-10-03 21:22:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to go to court. You will also need to get a restraining order. It may be difficult if the attacks haven't happened recently, but if they have....the more recent, the better. Also if you have any witnesses to any of it, that is better too. ANyway, when you file this restraining order, you will be given a court date about a month later. He will have to be served five days before this date by someone other than you. Hopefully you have somewhere to go and someone who will let you and your little one stay there.
Anyway, when you go to the hearing a month after the temporary order (by the way, you will put the baby in the order too....don't freak out though, there are lines in the papers you fill out stipulating what kind of arrangements you want made with the child and visitation. For the time being you can state that you want supervised visitation, and you can name the person who will supervise......it will all be considered by the judge.) Anyway, after the thirty days goes by, you go to the hearing, the judge will hear your side, and why you want the order.......he will also see that you are requesting custody.......and he can make the choice right then. If the restraining order is made permanent (good for 3 years) then you win......this means the judge believes that he is a danger to you........and a man who is considered dangerous to you, and who means you no good will probably want to hurt you the only secondary way he will know how......through using the baby, like trying to keep him away.......so he will most likely grant you the custody orders.......
and if the bf wants to contest it.....then he will have to file a motion.
I know about it because I just had to go to court over my soon-to-be ex-husband. Had to get the restraining order because he threatened me and stuff during the marriage, which secondary to temporary insanity on my part.....was the reason why I stayed so long too. And now that he knows I'm on my way out with divorce....he is back at it again. So Monday, my restraining order was made permanent and good for three years. I requested custody.....since I'm in the process of a divorce, the judge didn't want to get too specific....but for the time being, since I am the custodial parent right now....he made a stipulation in the case. The husband can't contact, harass, have physical, or verbal contact with me at all. All he can do is call, in a peaceful conversation and try to arrange for visitation of the kid. i am also allowed to tape the conversations in case he gets verbally abusive....which would be a violation of the order, and would mean he goes to jail.
Anyway, the great thing is that the judge said as far as visitation goes......he will leave it up to my discretion. So if I don't want to be bothered........the visit doesn't happen and I don't even HAVE to accept the call. He said he will leave it for the divorce judge to decide about the sole legal/physical custody that I am seeking.
That way if the baby goes on a visit with his dad......and dad decides to run with him, cause he knows that is the ONLY way he can hurt me anymore..........and I call the police and tell them that he kidnapped our child......it will stick. Because if you don't have sole legal/physical custody, and that man is the child's father........the law doesn't call it kidnapping.....and you are at the bf's mercy.
Well, anyway, I hope this info helps. Since you aren't married, you will have to file for custody. Or you can do the restraining order thing, which will kill two birds with one stone (so to speak).
Hope this helped. Good luck! =)
2006-10-03 16:13:27 · answer #3 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The attack on you while you were pregnant is enough to make the courts give you what you want. But you do need to listen to the others, it will get worse. You need to protect yourself. Get yourself a job (even if it's at McDonald's), go to a shelter, and get the hell out! Do you really want your kid growing up in this? Leave one day while he's away at work. Don't tell him where you're going. Just pack up and leave. But do it now, (as dramatic as this seems) before it's too late. Don't stay and endanger yourself or your child any longer.
Good luck!
2006-10-03 16:04:09 · answer #4 · answered by halo27 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have made the right decision for yourself and your child. Many men use child custody as a threat to make a woman stay in a bad relationship. You don't need to have any worries of losing the child unless he can prove neglect, drug abuse, physical abuse of the child, etc. Since he has a past history of physical violence against you, don't tell him when you are leaving, just wait until he leaves then pack your bags and get out. Go someplace where you will be safe and file a restraining order against him if you fear for your safety, which you obviously should.
Good luck
2006-10-03 15:55:34 · answer #5 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u know what it's gonna get worse before it gets better, same thing happen to me in my marriage and that's just what u have 3yrs of him providing for u . In my state after 6mths u are common law married contact avda-a domestic lawyer and find out what your options are...it may seem like u are going at it alone but i can feel your pain. I stayed for 12yrs thinkin i could change him,make him love me,do what ever it took to keep him happy..........nothing works he just had hatred in his heart the only enjoyment he got was making sure i was miserable..sweetie get out,don't worrie about what u should have done, just do what u know u need to do, and pray everything will work out just fine have faith (just a little is all it takes)
2006-10-03 16:01:03 · answer #6 · answered by mojajazmo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
only pass on-as complicated as which would be. provide her the time she needs and only proceed to be a stable father on your toddlers. She may well be going out along with her buddies and and picture she is lacking out on being unfastened. She is in all probability feeling slightly overwhelmed good now. greater advantageous now than after marriage! And her not desirous to be 'romantic' and being out lots looks like she could have already got somebody new in thoughts.
2016-10-01 22:04:32 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just leave him. It is very hard for a man to get full custody of a child especially since you are not married. He would have to take you to court and all that. It's time to leave before he seriously hurts you.
2006-10-03 15:49:13 · answer #8 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please contact a Woman's abuse center as soon as possible.
Honestly, I have never personally experienced physical abuse but I have seen it countless times, including as a child growing up. It will not get any better. They have the resources and know the law and can help you to do the necessary things. They will give you a ton of support too which you need.
Please, do it as soon as possible, not just for you, but also for your child.
2006-10-03 15:57:39 · answer #9 · answered by pcgirl2006 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In addition to what the others have said (get OUT of there), you can go to Google.com and enter "free legal help". There are several different web sites.
2006-10-03 15:51:36 · answer #10 · answered by Lisa G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋