My friend's baby has passed away, less than a week after he was born. I can't imagine anything as awful as losing a child. I'm wondering if anyone has any advice on what exactly I can do for her. She lives in another state, and has asked people not to call right now. I am planning to send a card and flowers and a donation to the fund she and her husband are setting up, but it just doesn't seem like enough. I know there's not much I can do, but does anyone have any other suggestions? Thank you.
2006-10-03 15:25:48 · 13 answers · asked by Zee 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I imagine what your friends are feeling something many of us cannot relate to. I unfortunately can relate to the loss of a child. He was 5 and passed away 18 months ago. My suggestion would be this: Either send a card/long letter or even do like a video of yourself or tape of you talking to her. Just let her know that you feel the need to console her and comfort her, but understand and respect her wishes to deal with this inside of her family right now. Let her know that you are there to listen to her and be there for her. Let her know that you want to help her through this as much as she will let you. I can say that with time it will get easier to learn to live with the loss. The emptiness and longing for things that will never happen never truly goes away, but it becomes easier to talk about and to bring up. I can say that even family had a hard time bringing up my son to me. I can't talk to my family about it. Parts of me don't want them to know my true weekness. It's like people around dont know what to say to us parents who have lost kids. The one thng i want people to do is bring it up to me...it allows me to grieve when I talk about him.
Just let her know that you are there for her no matter what. It's hard to comfort people who are at such a loss. God Bless you all!
2006-10-03 15:35:14 · answer #1 · answered by Erica 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just being a good friend and being there when she needs you is about all you can do. If she has asked that no one call, respecting her wishes is highly recommended. There's nothing wrong with sending a letter or card to let her know that you are thinking of her during this difficult time. If you have the funds and the availability, I'd even suggest taking a trip to see her. Maybe take her to coffee or help her with those little annoying household chores. She won't shut you out if your trying to be helpful, just allow her the time to grieve.
2006-10-03 15:33:50 · answer #2 · answered by SoAZ Gal 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send the flowers and card NOW! Your comment... I am planning... suggests hesitation, DON"T. About your need to do more... if your really care about this person you are going to need to be patient. Right now they are in shock and coping with there loss... Don't think you can say a few words and they will feel better. You are going to have to wait until they are ready to open up and talk about it. I know... I speak with experience. It's going to take two years before they can even talk about it without breaking down into tears. Are you ready to be that kind of friend? Can you patiently wait for them? When they speak about it they are going to be hurting. You have to listen. Sometimes the most powerful things said are nothing at all. A hug at the right moment. Making eye contact and holding it showing your concern. It's OK to cry with them. Your friend needs your support. Tell them you are there for them... at any time day or night week day or week night. There is going to be a time when they are ready to reach out... I hope you are ready. I don't know if you believe in God but it wouldn't hurt to say a prayer. And let them know in your card that you are keeping them in your prayers. Keep them in your mind, in your heart and in your soul. It's hard to be a truly great friend. Years from now... they will remember that you stood by them, thick and thin.
2006-10-03 15:40:03 · answer #3 · answered by BeArPaW_4709 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write her a letter, include a picture of you and her from happier times. Include in the letter a story of a time you spent together, something that when read will hopefully transport her from her current world to a happier place and time. Close the letter with your phone number and encouragement for her to call, anytime.
That will help her more than cards or flowers.
2006-10-03 15:29:34 · answer #4 · answered by non_apologetic_american 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are correct in feeling that your friend is undergoing one of the most painful forms of grief. Bless you for loving her so much.
Try this: send a card every day - one by e and two by post. Don't try to cheer her up. Her need right now is simply the knowledge that someone has uncommon compassion and concern for her.
Bless you for caring another's pain.
2006-10-03 15:29:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
being the mother of two lost children i would say adhere to your friends wishes but most of all be there after all others have gone. send a card with your number and address and BE THERE after all others have gone that is when she will want to talk and be heard. she will need someone to listen then. when she thinks all others have moved on . give her a time you will be home and available for only her. don't give her reason's you have to get off the phone if she is truly your friend you'll be there.
2006-10-03 15:40:55 · answer #6 · answered by BJ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The card and flowers would be nice, as for her saying for no one to call right now, her husband and her have alot on thier mind and alot to do. I would do the card and such, but as for calling, you might call once to give your condolances, but then I would give it a week or two. they both have to heal together, but you can let them know you are there for them. Sometimes just knowing they have someone to lean on helps a great deal.
2006-10-03 15:30:32 · answer #7 · answered by daggermouth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just send her a card and let her know that you are there whenever she feels like she is ready to talk. Just knowing you are there is about the only thing you can do for her right now.
2006-10-03 15:29:38 · answer #8 · answered by tommygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats pretty sad many people appreciate the alone time they need when something like this happens so i say do as you plan the card the flowers the memorial fund but give her her space she really needs time to greive with her husband
2006-10-03 15:28:53 · answer #9 · answered by lisaisfunn1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you just have to be there for her when she needs you. there are no words to take away her pain only time will help ease the hurt she feels.I lost a child and just having people there for me helped get me through.perhaps you can visit"griefnet.com" and memories of.com those are 2 sites for people who have lost a loved one and most are mom's who have lost a child.just be patient she will need you sometime soon. let her know my heart breaks for her and she is in my prayers.
2006-10-03 15:32:12 · answer #10 · answered by mama bear 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋