I have been married for 9 almost 10 years now and I can say that my husband is the meanest rudest as*hole in this world. He treats My children and I bad, doesn't financially support us (even though he is in the military). We have argued from the day we married. My kids do not deserve this life. So far every year that passes he says it will get better but it just goes futher down in to the sh*t hole. I can't take it any more and I am so confused on what to do? I need help, how to tell him and how to deal with it all??? So confused........I have tried so many different ways to fix our relationship. So far nothing has worked, and he will not go to counseling either. I am so burnt out on arguing over dumb as* sh*t with him. I want to know what I need to do.......HELP!!!!!
2006-10-03 15:03:04 · 22 answers · asked by Misty C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it might be time to decide if you would be better off without him. go to counseling on your own if he won't go with you.
2006-10-03 15:06:34 · answer #1 · answered by nkettler03 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your husband is not supporting you, and is treating you and the children badly, then you should not stay in the relationship.
Yes, it is going to be difficult to tell him. But no matter how long you put it off, it isn't going to get any easier to tell him. So the alternative is to say nothing, and be stuck with this man for the rest of your life. How would that make you feel? So, you see, you're not gaining anything by putting it off.
When he refused to go to counselling, did he understand how bad it was?
Before giving up altogether, you could try making an appointment with a counsellor. Then tell him about it, and ask him to come with you. Be blunt. TELL him, "If you're not willing to come to counselling with me, this could be the end of our marriage." If he promises to do better, TELL him that promises are no longer enough, it's counselling or nothing. Stick to your guns.
If he still won't come with you, go see the counsellor yourself. Tell the counsellor you want a divorce and ask for his/her to help with strategies on how to deal with your husband.
2006-10-03 22:17:18 · answer #2 · answered by Kylie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to think of your kids. It is way past time and they have suffered enough. Apparently this relationship is not working. Why stay? What are the benefits? What are you teaching you're children? If you can, make the first step for divorce. Get you're papers in line, think about you're assets. Talk with a lawyer. Some have free first consultations. You can do this. Be strong and do what you need to do. If you're life is so bad now, you can certainly be strong enough to go through a divorce. You can do it. Think of you're kids. Research this on the internet. Talk to family members. You deserve more of a life than this. Look forward not behind.
2006-10-03 22:07:28 · answer #3 · answered by lazycat 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is what has to be done. Sit him down and lay down the rules. Tell him that he has to go to counseling or you are leaving and that is final. If he still refuses then he must not want to work it out either.
Keep your children in your thoughts as you make the decision because your right they shouldn't see yelling because they will believe it is OK for them when they are older. My parents were the same way and that is all I remember is yelling, its no memory that a child should have.
Follow your heart it will lead you down the right road.
2006-10-03 23:05:23 · answer #4 · answered by tiffany m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear that Misty.
He doesn't want to communicate, he has a family and a wife, so it sounds pretty bad, but at the same time you sound like you really don't want to let the marriage go.
How long have you two been separated during his leave. This seems to be the biggest problem and can always lead to divorce. Away too long for too many times and a family that needs him.
I wish I could help, but all I can offer is my deepest heartfelt concern and support. You did all you can do.
2006-10-03 22:49:19 · answer #5 · answered by Martin M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, does he abuse physically you or the children? If he does, you need help in getting away from him, without letting him know you are leaving.
If the abuse is verbal, maybe counseling would help. Maybe, he doesn't realize what or how he is talking to you. (tape him and let him hear himself. I have been married 28 years. alot of the time I block out what he is saying, without realizing that is what I am doing.
Does the military offer any counseling?
Maybe you have already made up your mind about whether or not you want to save your marriage in your first sentence.
Just decide if you have any love for him left in your heart. If you do decide to leave, don't go to relatives if you don't want him to find you.
2006-10-03 22:36:40 · answer #6 · answered by seekinghisface1974 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you have made up your mind to not only leave your husband, but to be damned sure that he doesn't get to have a relationship with his own kids--and I think you will do your best to make sure to undermine him in his absence once you leave him. Maybe he is horrible, but you should see what you've written from an objective perspective. Your language reveals a lot of anger, but let's remember that you stayed with him this long, you also married him, and there are two sides to a story. Please, don't force your kids to be not have a father--they are a part of him and to disrespect his role is to disrespect your kids. Keep your anger with him on the down low.
2006-10-03 22:20:20 · answer #7 · answered by heyrobo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant keep doing the same things over and over and expect different results.I think if he is not willing to go for help he is not willing to try to keep his family together.If you attend church maybe your minister could talk to you both.I stayed in a marriage for 15 yrs that wasnt getting any better day after day but with counseling we have made it.But you both have to be willing if not its not fair to your children to see their parents upset all the time.In my thoughts 2 parents seperated that are in good mental shape is better than 2 parents together fighting or unhappy.Good Luck
2006-10-03 22:21:53 · answer #8 · answered by luckiestarrr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like it's the end for you. get an attorney and get out. he has already proven that he is not willing to do what it takes to keep the family together and the he will lie to you just to keep you around. think of your children. and put them first. if you stay for them and that is the only reason then they will grow up with the idea that marriage is loveless and horrible. set a good example. be happy. best of luck to you.
2006-10-03 22:21:10 · answer #9 · answered by luvbuggies 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would advise you to pray about it first .and also if he does not resepect you and the kids you dont need him ask GOD to give you the strength that you need to leave always think of the kids first they dont deserve to be treated babdly when they get older they will always remember mom allowed them to be treated wrong and no child derserves that.if he does not want counseling you and the kids have been through enough get help for you guys and if he still doesnt change then file for divorce.think of yourself also dont you feel you deserve to be loved and happy good luck
2006-10-03 22:19:26 · answer #10 · answered by ladyrena12 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My answer is gonna make some of them mad on here. I say Leave him. Kick him to the curb. He does not want to make things work so leave. After 10 and things are still bad it is time to go. You and your kids will be fine. You are right they deserve better..
2006-10-03 22:08:01 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋