Im 27 and ive lived with my BF now for about 3 years. For some reason over the past year ive slowly not been wanting to have sex with him. No im not cheating, yes im still attracted to him but i just dont want to have sex. we fight about it it all the time. He thinks im cheating and thats the only reason why my sex drive towards him is so low. But im not, i never have but i just dont know the reason why this is happening. I figured truthfully he's a total minute man and i would just rather not do it then have to get undressed, wipe myself afterwards then get dressed again all for one minute maybe 2 minutes of pleasure. No joking thats really how i feel. Then we fight cause im not all touchy feeley with him. But ive always been like that even in the begining, im just not into the whole hugging and kissing all the time. What could be wrong with me...can young women really have a low sex drive. I do love him!
2006-10-03 14:58:28 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, I'm not all touchy feely either, but in order to get in "the mood" you have to do some serious foreplay. I think you hit the nail on the head...it's over too fast and you are not getting any satisfaction. The "wham bam thank you ma'am" approach is a total turn off. Be honest with him. Tell him you need more time to get warmed up. If he truely loves you, he'll want to do whatever it takes to satisfy you. Hey, a satisfied partner is a HAPPY partner. Go for it.
2006-10-03 15:05:13 · answer #1 · answered by blondee 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it could just be a low sex drive creeping up. Talk to a doctor about it. You've been together long enough now where sex is different. Your relationship is different. You're in a routine, and he's unable to keep up with you for very long, which is not that unusual, so in your mind, it's not worth the short period of sex to have to shower after. The emotional connection women need is different than what men need for sex to be good. The brain is our largest sex organ. So if you're just not feeling it because you're indifferent to him, or mad at him, whatever, then of course you're going to be disinterested.
Of course it has nothing to do with whether you love him. Married people go through this too. I'm sure anyone who has been together for a while goes through it. If you're arguing about sex more than anything, then he needs to know where you stand about it so he can decide what he wants to do. Will he break up with you if you tell him you're just not that into it anymore because it's not the same as it was and you don't know if you'll ever be like you were before? If he would, then you don't need him anyway.
2006-10-03 15:21:21 · answer #2 · answered by Chris 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well from what you just said there is not connection in that part of your life with him. He is quick and most women want it to last longer than that. A man has to be appealing in all respects. Just go up and read what you typed and you will see what we see. Sex is more and taking your clothes off wiping yourself and putting them back on. Sex should be breath taking and "Man i am feeling good". There has to be more than this to make it interesting to you. No i do not think that there is anything wrong with you. You need more tahn you are getting from him. Get some books and ask the right questions on how to make it better for you.
2006-10-03 15:28:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, we should all accept our different personalities. No one can expect you to be as people in movies 'all kissing and hugging". We may not want to be having sex all the time but get into other forms of tenderness.
Anyways, the fact that he is very quick might be a good reason why you are less aroused.
2006-10-03 15:03:23 · answer #4 · answered by fabee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How is your communication? I have been married for 3 years and my sex drive has dwindled down to nothing. I used to think it was me, but then I realized that I just dont WANT to have sex with him...there is a lot of resentment built up there because of unresolved issues. I have felt that my thoughts and feelings are not taken seriously and thus conflicts stay unresolved and I end up feeling unimportant and that can kill sex drive quicker than anything... and yeah, if the sex that you are having is not good for you, then that can definitely kill the drive... I would reccommend doing some thinking about what could cause you to not want to have sex, then try to discuss those issues with him. If you're lucky, he'll want you to be happy and will be eager to try and fix things. Just try not to attack him, take personal responsibilty for your feelings, so that way he won't get defensive and he'll actually listen to what you have to say.... good luck!
2006-10-03 15:09:36 · answer #5 · answered by kimerbly75 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let's start with your title. Why presume anything is wrong with you? It seems to me that you are articulate and thoughtful. You have identified the problem, included the historical similarity, acknowledged his interpretation, and explained your mental/physical reaction to his "style."
I think you have 2 things going:
a) You have a different physical contact need than he does. His probably increases as sex decreases.
b) Your lovemaking as a couple would probably benefit from sex therapy. Please do not use the suggestion as a reason to rent the exploitive porn. Libraries and book stores have good resources.
2006-10-03 15:06:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question. If he's a minute man, why even start? Tell him you like him, and you need more time, as much time as it takes. You are both responsible for the happiness of the couple 10 points, high five.
2006-10-03 15:00:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well sweetie !! i think you are not taken care of enough,have you heard this ; ladies first , it means men are suppose to take care of the ladies not their selves , if he is having sex just because he wants his own pleasure will never be accepted by any woman on earth any woman will have this problem if she will be treated in that manner, the sexual experience for both man and woman is totally different,man is supposed to give pleasure to their woman if he wants to get pleasure himself , you don't deserve it sweetie ,you need to talk to him tell him every thing ,and i know for a while it will cause problems between you two, cause he will not like hearing this from you , but this matter needs to be disolved or eaither if unsolved belive me this problem is capable of breaking your marrige later.
2006-10-04 00:45:59 · answer #8 · answered by nadeeem_baig 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have had that problem in my previous relationship and I have it now. I realize if I dont fix this problem, I'll never be content. It's a serious problem for me and its not that i dont love my BF- i just dont feel the URGE. Sometimes just put it behind you and engage in endless sexual activities. The more you do it, the more you will build up your need for it. That's what I tried.
2006-10-03 15:10:20 · answer #9 · answered by BitterEnding 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm like this too and my friend is too . We think it's got something to do with being the same all the time and it's not exciting like it was when you first get with someone . I call it "meatloaf again???? because i feel like it's the same thing everynight for dinner lol. If you find a way to fix it let me know because i'm going on 3 yrs and damn I'm ready to sneak out . Like you said I love him but damn
2006-10-03 15:01:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋