how can i get my husband to help out around the house?

Question

i am married, have a baby, two step-kids, and three dogs. they are all messy and sloppy but i love them all. i just wish when i got home from work i didn't have to clean up the entire house every night. is it wrong to want my hubby to help??

Answer 1

no, its not unreasonable for you to want him to help. with a house full of kids it can get pretty rough and i usally spend all my time when the kids go to bed cleaning. try reasoning with him. explain all the things you have to do in one day and tell him you are overwhelmed sometimes and it would be nice to have some help. show him that you care. by that i mean is if you ask him to say, take out the trash but it takes him a little while to do it thank him instead of saying something like"well its about time" he will be willing to do more if you show you appreciate him. if he works tell him you will give him a set time of peace when he gets off work where you wont ask him for anything like say an hour to rest. or just have him trade plases with you one day go out on a day he doesnt work and let him tend to the dutys and maybe he will understand a little more.even at first if you can just get him to clean up after himself that helps also.

Answer 2

If you are both working similar hours, then of course he should be making an equal contribution to the housework. And your stepkids, if they are older than 5, should be helping too.

I'd suggest you sit down and draw up a list of household duties. Then split them up between you. So for instance, if you cook dinner then he could wash up and the kids (if they're old enough) could dry. If you do the dusting, then he could do the vacuuming. And so on.

Now for the hard part - sitting him down and presenting it to him. Make sure you keep calm and stick to the logical argument: You are both equal partners in the relationship so you should both pull your weight equally.

As for the dogs, they can (and should) be trained to keep off the furniture. If the kids can give them a bath and a brush once a week, that will minimise the amount of hair that gets over everything.

Finally, make sure the kids take responsibility for cleaning their own rooms and tidying their own toys as well. If they are little, give them gold stars (you could make it a competition between them). If the'yre older, make it a "work for pocket money" scheme (as they are step-kids, you'll have to get their dad to support you on this). If they don't do as good a job as you would have done, grit your teeth and live with it - remember the only way they can get better is practice, and they'll never get that if you do it for them.

Which brings me to another question - what is your definition of messy and your definition of clean? Everyone is different. If you insist on having the place spotless all the time, perhaps your standards are a bit too high. Instead of trying to recruit everyone else to your manic cleaning standards, maybe you should just try to chill a bit more. It's worth asking your friends how they see you.

Answer 3

If he was not trained to do it at an early age, by his parents, then you have a difficult assignment.

First of all, I am assuming that there is love between you. That is a pre-requisite for him to be able to accept the training he needs.

Then basically, the technique required is the same as training a small child. Start your husband one very specific and simple responsibility, and don't expect him to do it right the first time. It might take weeks or months for him to learn to do it right.

So for example, you can make him responsible setting the dinner table with knives, forks, spoons and serviettes. I know, it may not seem like much...but a journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step. Whether he is home before you are, or after, let it be his responsiblity.

Letting it be his responsibility means that you discuss it once ahead of time (like on the weekend, or sometime when you can have a calm little chat), and then let it go. You don't nag him or remind him before hand. It not your responsibility any more...it is his. Including the worrying part.

Now if he does it, you say thank you, smile sweetly, and give him a kiss. Even if three of the forks go missing the first week, or he forgets to give anybody a spoon. Because if you make him feel bad about it, you are giving him a negative response that will turn him off the effort. You have to put up with mistakes and whatever for a while, as he learns how to do it. It may actually take longer to get this done, with him floundering around, asking you where things are, or forgetting to do it...it might actually not save you any time for the first weeks, but take up more time. But you have to educate him for the long term.

ALWAYS tell him thank you and make him feel good for his effort. That will encourage him to keep trying.

If he says something like, "tonight I am not going to do it", then remember, its his responsibility, not yours. Don't take it over for him. You can tell him, "that's ok, I guess we can make do without setting the table." Let him think it through.

I have used setting the table as a specific example, but you might ask him which task he can take on, it does not have to be that. It could be vacuuming the carpet, or folding the laundry...but once he agrees to it, it is his. Don't be his back seat driver.

Answer 4

Nope cause you share the kids and the dogs and the house and the bills and the bed and well you get the point married people share everything and they should really share the chores. No you are right. It would be nice if they would do it without us having to ask them. Of course you could try what my Mom did to my passed away dad one time. They had a garden in the backyard. Mother needed tomatoe stakes to stake the tomatoes so they would stand up. Daddy was playing around with something else. So my Mother slammed every cabinet door and every door in the house and it was not long Daddy had tomatoe stakes and the tomatoes got staked by him too which very seldom every happen...Always a funny story to me...lol

Answer 5

I hope someone figures this question out, because I could sure use the advice too. Even worse is that I have three kids and two dogs and my husband-who acts like a child-to clean up after. I spend all my free time cleaning just so his family can come over and call me lazy and tell people I don't know how to clean. Guys just suck when it comes to housework.

Answer 6

Are you kidding? Of course everyone that is old enough to, including the hubby, should be helping! Try having a heart to heart talk and if that dosn't work, take the baby and go on strike! When the laundry, dishes, dog poop, pile up and there's no food in the house surely they'll get the point! Good luck!

Answer 7

If your husband is also working, then both of you are working parents. As such, there's nothing wrong with your asking your husband to help you do some household chores.

For some married couples, the wives are obliged by their husbands to stay home and take care of the family affairs, in other words, they become common or plain housewives. However, due to the difficulty of the times, many wives have no other choice but to help their husbands to sustain their families.

In the latter case, because both the husband and the wife work, it is also proper for the husbands to help their wives in some household tasks because too much work from the office and at home may drain the wives down and give them too much stress and sometimes depression.

You have to explain that to your husband in a gentle manner which he should not mistake for nagging. Request him to do specific tasks in your home which he will consider to be interesting tasks which he may later really love to do. But remember to give him equal number of tasks so that he will not think that it is he whom you are darining down to the max.

You know, when both of you do your household tasks with the objective of really showing your support and love for each other, no matter how difficult or tiring that household task is, it will be both your pleasure and it no longer becomes a mere obligation on his or your part but an expression of your love for your family.

Answer 8

Simply put..."give and take"...marriage is a two way street...how bout he gives the dogs a bath while you give the kids a bath...he cleans the house, while you make dinner. Have the kids help, make it fun. Rotate your chores weekly. monthly, whatever you wish...and at the end of the week, go out with the family, eat at your best resturaunt, see a movie...pat yourselves on the back for a clean house...healthy living.

Answer 9

Not wrong at all, but is it fesible? Probably not. I have given up. It's just better if I do it myself. I know it's hard but some guys just don't help. I find myself coming home from work then working again in the house. It never stops. You could ask him to do small things and then work you're way up.

Answer 10

I would really like to know how to do this too!!! I have step daughter and my lazy brother in law that lives with us, and I clean houses for a living, then have to come home and clean mine!!!! I will be reading all the answers, hope theres a good one in here!!!