My ex and his wife are getting me down.?

Question

I've been divorced around a decade and am coparenting my two children with my ex-husband. Our son (oldest, 17) lives with his father and stepmother, our daughter, 13, with me. I moved to the same town to be near them because it was unfolding that our daughter probably wouldn't have a relationship with dad and family otherwise. I never expected the royal treatment, or even thanks, but they are SO disrespectful of my schedule, they don't facilitate our son spending time with me, in fact they discourage it. Whereas I do what I can to facilitate our daughter spending time with them. I'm sorry to say that it's getting me down. I have five more years of this. I feel a slave to this situation. I would do whatever it took to make it better, but it's clear there isn't anything more I can do. Anyone have anything to say that will give me courage to face four and a half more years working with people who are disrespectful of me as a matter of course? I am single, by the way.

Answer 1

You are a hero to your daughter (especially, but also to your son) and I applaud your efforts! It takes a very special and courageous kind of person to turn the other cheek and do what is right in the face of people making it difficult for her. You are doing the harder right instead of the easier wrong -- there should be a medal for people like you. I hope this does not, in ANY way sound sarcastic, because I mean it in total sincerity. You are fighting a battle that will last for years, and it takes a special fortitude to keep that up. Bravo!

Answer 2

I hope I can give you some encouragement in telling you Im in the same position,except the very opposite.I am a stepmother,and even though my husbands ex is extremely difficult,I have made efforts time after time to make things better for my stepdaughter.My husband has always had custody since she was 9 months and now 7.Ive been the mom to her and raised her for 6 years and counting.The {real} mother doesnt even thank me for doing my best and raising her as my own. She only makes comments like I dont like that she calls you mom even though youve raised her.Not Im glad you take such good care of her" So I understand where youre coming from.I just take it day to day and do my best not to think about it alot.I did at first and aquired 2 stomach ulcers,I just hope things get better,but I will tell you that always being the nice guy,sometimes only throws you under the bus.Good luck hun.Its good to know for me that a mother feels the same as a stepmother in the same,but opposite position.

Answer 3

Been there done that, girl. I'm the guy though. I've always been the "nice guy" even as a kid. Now that I am in my late 40's I find that there just comes a time to not be Mr. Nice anymore. It eats me up too. I guess doing anything unnatural would do that. Best advice I could give before becoming a pain. Get your daughter involved. No, absolutely do not use her. Just tell her what you see happening, give it a couple weeks, NO LONGER, then whether you feel "better than thou" toward them or not, stop taking the bull! You've got to care for yourself enough to say to yourself, I'm a nice person and demand the same treatment. Best phrase to keep yourself on the of fence...How dare they do this to me...? God, this is like horrible advice. But, it's the only way I could get the "X" to respect me. And sister have they!!!

Answer 4

It's hard to deal with jerks, and that sounds like what they are. They will probably keep being disrespectful because they question your motives for moving closer. They cannot understand why anyone would be so giving to change their life for their daughter - neither your ex nor his wife would do the same. Don't let it get to you that they are disrespectful - they don't have to be respectful of you for you, and your kids, to feel good about you. Over the long term, your kids will really appreciate your efforts, and become disgusted with their treatment of you and the situation. Kids understand and see more than most parents give them credit for. Keep taking the high road - it will be worth it. Good luck.

Answer 5

Singing,

You need to speak with your son and re-assure him you care...explain the reason you moved where you did.....share some of the schedule problems and let him know the only reason you made the move was so both children could spend time with the both parents (just not together)...

If it is causing you this "Funk Feeling" them you should consider moving farther away ...... at least them the co-parenting issue would have set times of visits and the court could monitor any violations ...... Talk first ... think on the answers you get and make the best decision for you (Your health) and your daughter.

Hope this helps .....

Answer 6

sounds like you need to move back to where ever it was you were in the first place! a person can not and should not live with disrespect , kids or no kids! Now look where your relationship may go with your daughter? watching her mom depressed from all this bull * sh it she is going through

Answer 7

I feel bad for you , I cant imagine not having one of my children full time muchless him being discouraged from visiting me ... Im not sure you will agree with me on this but my advise is try to talk to your ex about it & if that dosent work pray ... alot pray for strength & remember in the end after all is said & done your kids will see that you were the bigger person & that you tried to make things work out peacefuly & maybe that will bring them closer to you ... I hope things work out for you in the end & maybe you should put it out like it is , that he is your son & you will be spending time with him ...

Answer 8

dont accomodate them make them work around your timetable be strong for your kids also it sounds like you are doing it tough but make sure you are open and honest with your kids and one day they will want to live with you. seen it happen heaps with friends and stuff i know that i am only young but it is hard when a parent gets treated with so much disrespect, i am going through it now with my son who is only 5 and he lives with his dad and me on weekends and when he wants a longer weekend i llok after my son but when i have something on oh no he is to busy and just hangs up the phone. its not fair on the kids at all. be strong and things will work out for the best,

Answer 9

Your baby help gained't bypass down till you're taking it again to court and teach the help is better then what's honest together with your income. yet her getting remarried and having a baby gained't impact your baby help because you nonetheless are the daddy to the baby your paying help on her getting married or having yet another baby wont replace that. interior an same way if to procure married and had yet another baby it does no longer bypass down because of it.

Answer 10

Remind them that there are 2 of them to pick up the slack in that household and only one of you to do everything. Then leave the new wife out of it, it's between you and your ex.