I feel like they will be betraying me in some way. My husband is marrying the woman he left us for. He asked her to marry him just three months after leaving us. I cant handle the fact that they are getting married but allowing my children to be in the wedding is just something I will never be able to bear and it will just break my heart.....again.
2006-10-03 13:08:50 · 15 answers · asked by MICHELLE A 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He didn't leave the kids for her. He left YOU for her and there's a big difference. No matter what happened between the two of you, he will ALWAYS be their father. Let it go!!
You're the mother, he's the father and anything that you should be allowed to do (e.g. remarry, have the kids in the wedding, buy them clothes, attend parent-teacher conferences, etc.) he is also allowed to do.
Get counseling. You're an angry and bitter woman and that venom is only going to hurt your kids, not their father.
2006-10-03 13:12:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain. However, you need to find a way to come to terms with this.
I am sorry if this hurts your feelings, but you need to think of the children. Your husband left you and that is wrong and it is painful. Now he is marrying the woman he left you for and that just stings and opens old wounds. You have to get over this -- or at least don't let the children know how much it upsets you. Please don't deny the children any opportunity to be with their father (including his wedding).
You have smart children and they will always love you. As they get older they will come to realize how everything came to pass. You don't need to make it an issue now when it could cause the children a great deal of stress. Let me attend the wedding and find something else that you can do that day -- something that will help mend your broken heart.
2006-10-03 20:17:34 · answer #2 · answered by LasVegasMomma 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing that says that you HAVE to let them participate. However that being said if you forbid it the kids are going to resent you for not being allowed to participate. Not your Ex nor the new wife. Do you want that? Also if he (the ex) left you for her it's not like this is a new thing. The kids are going to have to interact with both her and you and this will only create a riff between you and your kids. Because if you've ever noticed that when people issue ultimatums (and that is what you're doing) the person who makes them choose always loses.
When my parents divorced one of the best things I think they did for me and my sister was not say anything bad or fight in front of us about the other parent. Sometimes it was harder than anything. And now that we're older they don't reign in the feelings. But back then we never knew. Strive to be the better parent. Your kids will thank you later in life when they realize how hard this is on you. But even if you don't attend please let them go to their Dad's wedding.
2006-10-03 20:20:21 · answer #3 · answered by kholbee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
aww im sorry this will break your heart but putting your anger aside these are his children too doesn't mean he loves them any less. things didnt' work out with you two but the kids will always be in his life. you dont' want them forgetting there father do you. and for your ex this is important to him.
I know right now you couldn't give a hoot how he's feeling and understandable . But do this for the kids they love there father too and these are his kids too.
Try looking at it differently try taking yoruself out of this equassion and think this is just for the kids here. there part of dad too . I'm sure your ex husband isnt'; trying to rub salt into your wound. Its more this is a happy time for him and he wants his kids there to share his joy. I know it won't be easy for you. But be the bigger person here. have you asked the kids do they want to be at this wedding?, and please don't think the kids are betraying you nor make them feel they have to chose sides. its not fair to them.
all the best.
2006-10-04 05:29:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As painful as it may be, this is their father we're talking about. By getting in the way of them being in the wedding, you are forcing sides to be taken. In spite of how crappy the whole thing is you have to be secure in your role as their mother to know that this woman will never replace you, they will never love her as they love you, but it's ok for them to see their dad happy and want happiness for you both.
You have to let go and move on. It's easy for all of us to say that, and hard to do it, but holding onto this anger makes him the winner again. Do you really want that? Be the bigger person. A wedding lasts a day. Your kids will be done with it, and back to you and visitation with him in no time!
2006-10-03 20:56:23 · answer #5 · answered by Chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't make your children choose between you and your husband. It will bite you in the butt in the end. It is not fair to put your baggage onto them. Let them make the choice and know that they are not choosing him over you they are just making the best of a situation their parents put them in. Take solace in the fact that there is a 95% chance he will end up cheating on her too. It is your divorce not your children's. Your ex can use your animosity against you if you act like this. Just suck it up and go on with your life he does not sound like any kind of prize anyway.
2006-10-03 20:14:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't put the kids between you - these kids need to live life in peace and don't deserve your wrath or your pain. They didn't do anything and shouldn't have to carry your burdens. Whether you want to bury him or not - he is still their father. They are part of him. By tearing him down - you tear down a part of your child. You need to find a counselor or someone who can give you advice without being drawn into your pain.
I'm not saying you don't have pain - the feeling of betrayal is horrible. Your feelings will heal in time and not be so bad as it feels right now. But your kids - what you do now will either scar them for life or help prepare them for life. Help them learn to be good and strong people. Keep your pain to yourself, dear. I'm saying a prayer for you. Good luck.
2006-10-03 20:16:19 · answer #7 · answered by MissHazel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your children belong to your ex, too! This woman is going to be part of their lives; you can't keep this from happening. Please do not embarrass your children, or make them hate you because you can't handle this.
Sure, you may feel you have every right to be hostile toward both of them. I don't know what you may have done, however, to contribute to this break-up of your family. So I will judge neither of you. Spare the kids!
2006-10-03 20:14:40 · answer #8 · answered by seeitmiway32 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a broken heart, I underdstand, but those are his children too. Regardless of who he is marrying, that women will be their step-mom. Your children are not betraying you. You just have to understand that your children love you and their father. He left you, not them.
Basically, get over yourself and get on with your life.
2006-10-03 20:13:28 · answer #9 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Here if it"s his day to have them then there isnt anything you can do about it, but if not then you dont have to let them go, but you should ask the kids if they want to go and you dont let them they might get upset with you, you might just have to let them heartbreaks is a part of life sorry to say.
2006-10-03 20:16:36 · answer #10 · answered by a1_friend64 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋