How can I stop my marriage from falling apart?

Question

Yesterday, out of the blue, my wife told me that she wants to take a break in our marriage. She says she's tiring of having to "answer to" anybody and she wants her freedom.

We've been married for 5 years and we have two kids. We fight a little - as much as the next couple, but we always make up quickly and we never hit below the belt.

There's nothing specific I've done - no big event - no blow-out argument. In fact, a month ago I would have said we were the most solid couple I knew.

I truly don't believe she's met someone else - and that comes from knowing her for almost 10 years. She's just not the type.

I am completely blind-sided by this.

What the hell happened?

Answer 1

As the others have said, you need to see a councillor about this. That you say that you thought that your marriage was so strong and your wife does not, shows that you are not communicating enough. You need to talk this through, and as it will get emotional you need somebody to act as a referee between the two of you so that any argument that happens does not go below the belt as you put it. Good luck

Answer 2

Hiya - I really sympathise with your situation. It is very difficult when there is an existing family - for some reason you always feel like the new one on the block! And as for resentment against his daughter - that just doesn't help. I do think he was wrong to give his daughter money without discussing it. After all, the money coming into the house is both yours and his and as such, spending it is a joint decision. That would annoy me too. However, you have to try very hard to imagine if it was one of your children - what would you feel/say? I agree that at 23 his daughter should be more self-sufficient and if she constantly relies on hand-outs, she will never bother to worry about her own finances as she has you and your husband as a safety-net. This isn't helping her. Now, if it was me, I would want to have a massive rant about the daughter and tell him that she was a greedy, selfish, spoiled madam....but that would just cause more trouble!!! So, leave that as a statement inside your head! The time has come for you to be the ultimate grown up (I hate being all mature myself but it has to happen now and again!). You need to have more fun together and not talk about the bad stuff right now. If possible, put your thinking cap on and think of ways that you and husband can get out for an evening - even just to the cinema. Make sure you just laugh, keep it light hearted - don't discuss any nasty bits and don't get riled if he says anything that makes you want to spit on him. Its an exercise in self-control. If you can do this for a few months, you can turn the marriage around - just make it fun again. The sex will happen in its own time if both of you are having a better time. As for the daughter - ask him to discuss any demands for money with you first and then see what you can actually afford to give. You will find, in the end, that if you and husband are feeling good together, the daughter wont be able to squeeze in the space and be the ear for him. He will naturally revert to you if he feels its a discussion which will be reasonably heard. The parental unit is sacred and children share a different unit within a family - mixing the two up is a mistake - he will end up learning the hard way if he doesn't watch out. I do hope it works for you. Good luck.

Answer 3

Look dude, maybe both of you need to see a marriage counselor but before that don't you think you and her should sit down and have a serious talk about your relationship. You said she wants to take a break in our marriage. Well, marriage doesn't quite work that way. There are no breaks. Either she is committed to you or she wants to go to splitsville. That is what I am referring to. Sounds to me like she needs to grow up and understand what marriage vows are. Afterall she did take the vows with you.

I feel so sorry for you but I do not quite know what to tell you. I will not tell you to see an attorney. I like you want your marriage to work although she seems a little ditzy. You need to ask her what exactly is her problem??

You guys probably need to talk to a marriage counselor if you can't get much out of her. Good Luck and I truly hope things work out for you and her.

Answer 4

Ask her if she will go to marriage counselling with you. Hopefully she agrees. If not, in the meantime you probably should hire a private investigator just to see if there is another guy. If there is another guy you can use that evidence when it comes down to child custody and child support hearings.

Answer 5

Just do everything you can to keep her. I broke up with my husband because he never used to listen to me but he tried and tried and tried some more to get me back by talking to me about what I felt the problem was. He did everything he could to understand me and open up himself to me also. We became closer and closer and now I feel so lucky that he made such an effort for me because I never would have realized what a great man I have and I am very blessed to have him. Good luck and I hope it works out for you.

Answer 6

OMG, it sounds like what my ex did. We'd been married for 3.5 years, and had just gone to see my family the first time together. After we got back, he told me 3 days later he wanted a divorce - it was after he'd been hanging out with my mom and dad calling them "mom" and "dad"! For 3 days, I was holed up in the house, wanting to take a bunch of drugs and die. But then I started calling my friends... And they all reached out and helped. I stayed with a friend for a little while, then my mom flew in and helped me move... And then I started a new life. He went on to live with the "other woman", now they are split up and he's dating a bunch of random girls; and I just married the "man of my dreams". Sorry for your predicament, it must be even more devastating after 10 years. But sometimes people just completely blindside us, it just happens. Reach out to your friends and family, they will provide crucial support in this difficult time. It sounds horrible. Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

Sounds like she is thinking "what if" things went differently in her life, or she simply fell out of love.

Gosh, isn't she always going to have to "answer to" those kids?

At least when I got divorced we both knew it was coming, I can't imagine one of us being blind-sided.

I'd give her the freedom she seeks.

Good luck to you man.

Answer 8

The two of you need counseling. Hopefully during counseling she will come out with what bothers her. The fact is woman dont cheat for sex they cheat for emotional issues. If she no longer is interested in you then it wont be easy to fix.

Answer 9

maybe, take her out to dinner treat her like a queen. do some of the housework. get a baby-sitter and go away for a weekend. hope i could help a little.