I want to go back to school to finish my bachelors degree. We have 3 kids under 10. The only way for me to do this is at night. When I discussed this with my husband and asked him to watch the kids at night so I can go, he said he is too stuck in his ways. When I want to go out with my co-workers just to hang out, I have to "schedule" it with him but he can go and play cards with his friends whenever he wants, and calls me a foul name when I get angry that he does this. My friends and co-workers say I should leave him, but I have nowhere to go and I have a very good job I don't want to leave.
What can I do in this situation?
2006-10-03 12:48:48 · 16 answers · asked by catwymn 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
first off keep your friends and co workers out of it cause when it all boils down to it...your going to be the one facing the music not them...you see how easy it is for them to tell you to leave...but why they were telling you to leave did any of them offer to put a roof over your head...i'm guessing no because you said you have nowhere to go....but no way am i telling you that you should have to put up with your husbands crap...but when we get others involved we often become confused and stuck between a rock and a hard place because every one is throwing different opinions at us and it makes it hard...however your husband is not putting in his fair share...i think you need to have a serious talk with him...i'm going to be real with you it's very hard for me to tell you what to do in a situation like this because you said you don't want to leave...the best thing to do is have a serious talk with him...if that doesnt work maybe you should consider counseling....try everything i think leaving him should be your last resort...but if it has to come down to that...make sure that you have tried everything in your will power so there wont be any guilt on your part *good luck sweeti*
2006-10-03 13:12:23 · answer #1 · answered by tanya m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one to answer.
But he sounds as if he's not right for you to continue staying with.
If you have a good job, then wouldn't it be possible for you to find some where to live?
I hate to think of you putting up with him just because you have too.
I remember my mother saying that she would have divorced my father but she didn't have job experience/ skills and in her day, your husband provided for wife and family and the wife stayed home etc.
But things are different now, a woman with a good job can leave. But I can understand that it wouldn't be easy with children. So...... I hope that someone out there can help you with you problem
2006-10-03 12:57:19 · answer #2 · answered by Dale 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
from a guy's point of view it sounds like your husband is a controlling selfish asshole, if you fear violence at all get out of the situation as fast as you can. You have a right to a life also. I've been married for 16 years and helped put my wife thru school so she could have a career of her own. Don't sell yourself short if anything ever happens to him you need to be able to stand on your own two feet for your childrens sake. Just my 2 cent's
2006-10-03 13:01:48 · answer #3 · answered by jimmac7777 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
where do I start, take it from someone who knows, STOP this sh*t now or you'll be sorry. You need to sit down with him, no kids, and tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him that you feel like nothing more than a housekeeper and an unpaid prostitute. You and your feellings matter. He should be glad that you want to better your education. Better education, means an even better job, which means more $$$$$. You take care of the kids all day, he should want to spend time with them at night. The name calling is just plain stupid and childish. He needs to know how hurtful words can be. Please do something about this or you'll be like me. 20 years married, nothing to show for it and I'm miserable.
2006-10-03 12:56:23 · answer #4 · answered by brokenheart 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
By what you have said here I would say that you have a marriage of convince not a partnership. If you have a very good job...then why cant you get your own place? You really need to take a Loooong look at where is relationship is going....or in this case as it is not going....and make your decision from there
2006-10-03 12:56:30 · answer #5 · answered by oldman 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's being a selfish, egotistical macho and I think you should leave him too. If he loves you, he should understand and support you with going back to school and help out with the kids (they're his kids too!). Besides, in the end it'll benefit the both of you that you're trying to better yourself for a better job and better income. He shouldn't deprive you of wanting to better yourself.
2006-10-03 13:05:42 · answer #6 · answered by Sea -N-Sun 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your spouse is very controlling from what I read.You are a human being and have rights too, you should be able to go any where you want. Confront him about this .If he still acts the same way you shold leave before the matter gets worse.
2006-10-03 12:54:24 · answer #7 · answered by krissa 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow. Is there anyone who can watch your kids while your in school? You have to make that happen for yourself, if not your going to be stuck with this a@@hole and no way to ever get out. He probably realizes that your stuck and education will give you options. You have to figure it out and make it happen. Look for agency's in your area to help or go to the school and see if they offer options for you. Good Luck girl...have faith in yourself.
2006-10-03 12:56:44 · answer #8 · answered by poodlemama1965 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok dont give up yet! he should give you more freedom but you dont need to give up. go to counselling. talk with him. tell him how you feel but dont downgrade him; this will make him more defensive and that will only cause more problems. in stead of saying 'you make me..' say 'i feel upset when..'. Don't leave him though. you do have your kids to think about. they need their mommy and daddy TOGETHER. go against the grain and be different by staying with your spouse. like i said, go to counselling but another thing you might consider is online courses to finish your degree. good luck hon! hope this helped. God bless!
-Me
2006-10-03 12:55:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to make this lazy, selfish, wanka of a husband understand that your marriage is a partnership and not a dictatorship with him in control.
tell him what you want, make him understand that it's to both your benefits and that you will be doing it or else he'll be going and paying alimony for the rest of his life. either way he'll have to change his 'set ways' coz he'll either support you or be out on his ear.
you stand up for yourself and get that degree, as it's fantastic that you want to do this.
2006-10-03 12:53:42 · answer #10 · answered by pugsbaby 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋