After one year, he revealed his coke addiction. Will it last??

Question

I was in a relationship with a man for one year and had no clue he was abusing drugs. I want to still be with him and help him get through it. I am not sure what to expect from a drug addict. Please help me. I dont want to be the annoying pesky gf asking him where he is all the time. I want to find a way where he would feel comfortable telling me rather than hiding it from me considering that he has kept it from me for 1 yr. Is it possible for us to have an honest trusting relationship? I dont want to lose him because I love him.

Answer 1

First of all, I think you must be a truly kind-hearted person, because most people would just walk away upon finding such a thing out. Secondly, there really isn't any one by-the-book way that works with all addicts. Clearly, this guy trusts you a great deal, because revealing such a secret to someone is always potentially damaging to the relationship. Since you love him, and he obviously really likes you back, you can do a few things.
1.) You can suggest out-of-state rehab. Some clinics offer 6-month programs, some year-long programs, and it varies. The reason for my suggesting an out of state clinic is so that he is away from every drug user/dealer he knows, which will make it less likely for him to get ahold of the drug, and more likely to get clean.
2.) Atteng a group meeting that deals specificially with what his problem is. By attending, you and he will recieve support from other people who are trying to get clean, and other people who are helping their loved ones through their addiction.

The best thing, regardless of what you decide to do is to be there for him. You didn't mention if he has said wether or not he wanted to get clean. If he does, everything will be a lot easier. If not, things will be very, very hard. And, even if he will not attend a meeting, you might want to look into it yourself, because working through this is going to be hard, and the people at those meetings can relate to you, and help you work through it better than anybody else could, because the are going through the same thing you are.

Best of luck to you and your boyfriend. I sure hope everything works out!!

Answer 2

if he's really an addict you'd have known before. my guess is that he's a user, which is a different thing, whatever anyone with no experience of these things tries to tell you. an addict's behaviour would be obvious to anyone who spent any time with them so assuming you're not a total idiot, he's either got addicted VERY recently or he just uses coke recreationally, which needn't be a big deal.

i know many people think DRUGS = EVIl, but this misinformed attitude is so dangerous. It is exactly why kids get addicted. they try it, realise it's not as bad as they've been told and then know they've been lied to. as a consequence they may be silly enough to let it get out of hand (ie reject all the advice they've heard). i've used coke on and off for 10 years (mostly off). it really isn't that big a deal (crack and heroin are something different).

i hope that you have properly talked and listened to him. however, i think if you are completely anti-drugs, you would still be best to drop him. good luck.

Answer 3

Yes it can last, in fact drug users really need a good support system, so if you are there for him it will help him get better. But, make sure your support doesn't go over board and actually make it easier for him to do drugs. You can have a trusting relationship, but not right now. He probably can't even trust himself right now. He needs to stay away from the persons, places, and things that make him want to do drugs, and you may have to be tough on him about who he hangs out with (no other users!!!) and about money (make sure u know where it's getting spent). This will be a long and difficult road. And yes, drug users will relapse. It's nearly impossible to go without at least on relapse. Good luck!

Answer 4

Yes, for sure the coke addiction will last. He will not change until HE IS READY TO CHANGE FOR HIMSELF. No one, not you or his mom or family, can make him change until he is ready to change himself. I'm sorry to say, but I had a friend who OD'd on coke and he kept promising everyone that he was going to quit. Yeah, he quit all right-unfortunate way to go though. If you really love this man, best of luck and BE PATIENT. I've known others who quit and are still going good-turned over a completely new leaf in life. It's very hard though. It could be 10 yrs down the road when he's back on it. You never know. Coke is the Devil's drug if you ask me (as with all drugs). Best of luck!!! :)

Answer 5

i went thru the same thing but his addiction was heroine and alcohol and trust me that was the worst year of my life. he was sweet, kind and loving-at first. about 4 months into it i noticed a change like his attitude wasn't the same, he would ask for money and at first it was just 20 dollars then it went to 30 and 40. i realized what was wrong when i saw him scratch his arm once and I tried to stick it out. he started stealing from my purse and i even caught him going thru DVDs to try and sell them. The last straw was when he was high as a kite and he wanted to have sex and i told him no because i was tired, that blew his high so he beat me into a week coma which i almost died from. im not telling you to give up on this man but to be careful because sometimes love can make us blind to what is going on and you have to realize that a drug addiction is a very powerful thing and sometimes it can be more powerful than his love for you

Answer 6

cut off your romantic relationship until you are absolutely sure he is clean

this will disconnect you in case he never gets clean and will give him likely incentive to get clean as well

it is win win but you have to be the strong one that is why he told you too because he knows he can't do it by himself

Answer 7

Chances are yes it will last, the coke addiction that is.

Answer 8

by staying with him, you are "enabling" him to continue his destructive habit. Leave and get him some psychiatric help and drug counseling.

Answer 9

Coke vs love - pretty even fight there.

Answer 10

no, he needs to go to detox and stay away from drugs