All I've ever wanted is to be Loved?

Question

i was left in hospital by my natural mother, i was then adopted at the age of 1, only to be hit and belted by my adoptive mum, social workers got involved, i cryed my eyes out on the phone to my social worker one Sunday afternoon,telling her i can't take any more, she told me to pack my bags, and she would pick me up after school,the next day that was the day i left home, with 2 black bin linners of clothes, i was 12 years old, i left the Childrens home at 17.5, then i got sexually abused by someone i worked for(a man), i then found Love, so i moved to Nottingham, this was 1989 in1994 we married in Barbados, in 2002 she left me for her boss, i then met someone else a year later, we were together till march 2006, i finished that relationship because i found out she had been seeing a a bloke i worked with, (she worked in the office) since then no one has paid me any attention,

i'm good looking can do anything in the house, i just want to be LOVED.

At 42 years old i don't want to sound a wimp, but i have just been so touched be your response i have been in tears, i am emotional, i have been told in am to soft ,gullable, lack confidence, but i take a coach full of people abroard and look after them, keep them happy and safe, i live in a place where it is renound for it's woman, about 6 woman to 1 man, i am still on my own.

At 42 years old i don't want to sound a wimp, but i have just been so touched be your response i have been in tears, i am emotional, i have been told in am to soft ,gullable, lack confidence, but i take a coach full of people abroard and look after them, keep them happy and safe, i live in a place where it is renound for it's woman, about 6 woman to 1 man, i am still on my own.

Answer 1

i know this is hard, but to get a girl who's not going to use you and treat you like crap, you have to start liking yourself. you have a pretty low self esteem because of all that happened to you, but you have to somehow realize that there is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU and that the people who were treating you badly were the ones that had the issue. if you find a way to build your confidence and look at all of your relationships with females as potential friendships instead of potential dates, i think you'd be a lot more satisfied with life. have fun, treat your friends well. don't come off as desperate. most great, loving women want a man who's together and confident. i know that i tried to nurse the wounds my boyfriends had in the past, and it only ended up hurting me. no matter how hard any woman tries, she can't heal you of the wounds you've suffered at other woman's hands. and it only hurts more when two hurt people are together, because the pain and hopelessness at not being albe to fix the other person's problems only grows greater.

i was hurt a lot in my life, too (though not to the extent you were), and it was only when i decided to give up trying to find a relationship and focused on God for a year that my best friend of eight years asked me out. we're now married. i didn't say that to rub anything in your face, i said it to give you hope. this is true of all of the succesful relationships i know of: they weren't looking for love and gave up on trying to find the one, and then found them. from my personal experience, the more you hunt for it, the farther it is away, and the more hurt you become. i know this may not be the answer you were looking for, but it's the best one i could give you. you are loved by God, and he wants you to be happy. he just does things a lot better when we let go of the reins and let him steer our lives...

Answer 2

Maybe you are trying too hard to find somebody because the thought of being on your own is too much to bear. Children that have been abused feel this loneliness and isolation whist it is taking place and therefore carry it into adulthood. They either surround themselves with lots of people or they reject others for fear of being hurt. If you need somebody to be with on constant basis than you will not be able to form your own identity. Perhaps you should have some you time to discover who you are and what you want out of your life

You do not mention if you are seeing a therapist. If not perhaps it would be a good starting point so that you can work through your issues in confidence. Everybody wants and needs to be loved, it is part of our psychological make up. Why don't you join some clubs or societies whereby you will meet new people. I am not saying go there to find a relationship, but just to get out and do normal things. You will find love just stop looking and it will come to you.

Answer 3

Hi staff - That indeed is a very sad story. I feel for you. Every one wants to be loved. Perhaps you should question what attracts you to this kind of women. Sometimes we are attracted to the same type of person. You should do some deep soul searching. You say you are good looking, but looks can only take you so far. Maybe the problem is with you. Don't rely on your looks, work on your personality. If indeed the problem is with you. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

I am sorry you had such an awfull upbringing.

However! nobody can love you unless you love yourself. You say you are good looking - and you obviously belive in that, and that is a great start, but you have to know that despite your good looks you should and probably are beautiful inside, and thats what makes us love each other and hold onto it.

The people that let go of you and hurt you are very ugly inside. You don't need any more of that, so try to find the inner self of people before you give your heart away.

Good luck xxx

Answer 5

Sounds like you been thru a lot, I feel for ya but at the same time I dont think that is good idea to rush into another relationship, you have only been single for 7 month. You have to love and trust yourself b4 you let anyone else into you life. I hope that you have gotten professional help for you abandonment problems.

Answer 6

I feel so bad to hear your story .It is so sad .How did you take all these? you must be a strong person.This is a proof that life is not fair .This world is not fair.I do understand that you wanted to be loved.All of us do. You gotta be lucky.However I don't know how?!
I would say , stay strong and hopeful.May you ever find the true love of your life.

Answer 7

I'm really sorry about everything. I really think you should seek conselling. You'll find a woman to love you, but first you need to deal with the obvious emotiona abandment issues you have. Love yourself, and someone will love you.

Answer 8

Stop looking for love and let it find you, take some time now to be with yurself and get to know who you really are, then you will know the right one when they come along and they surely will, so be ready ok.

Answer 9

You need to learn to love yourself. It is very important. When you really love your self and really find your self every one will love you. Go the book store and find some self help books .

Answer 10

My suggestion would be to seek counseling from what you have said it sounds like you have been through alot you have to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else or better yet expect them to love you god bless you