Dating someone with a child...discipline?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. His son is 5 (was 3 when we began dating). My question is this: His son and I get along great and have alot of fun together. On the rare occasions he doesn't listen to me or does something he knows not to do, Dad immediately steps in an says "jane" asked you to ......). When I'm alone with his son (when the BF is working etc) if he misbehaves, we always work it out with a conversation. I would like to handle those situations myself when dad is around also, but also feel as if it's not really my place since Dad is there and I'm not his mother. I'm torn on the discipline / time out angle. Is this something I should avoid all together since I'm not his biological parent? Do I just let Dad step in and handle those situations? I don't want him to learn that he doesn't need to respect and/or listen to what I say either. Anyone that has dealt w/ this issue please help !!

I do plan on being in his son's life for a long time into the future...

Answer 1

I think you should talk to dad, and ask him if you can try it. I am going through this, but from a women's side so naturally I am going to handle it differently. When my boyfriend comes over I step in sometimes because I notice he is trying to discipline my daughter, but he wants to respect me to so it may seem firm but with a little softness to it. I do back off to see what happens with out me, and sometimes I step in, but not over him it's just us saying it together. So maybe your boyfriend thinks that he has to step in not because of you but because of the son. Sometimes I step in because my boyfriend may end up asking her to behave more then once so I step in as a back up or a re-enforcer. So you have to let your boyfriend know you want to try it on your own because me may think he's helping you. He may have know idea of what he not fully allowing you to do. Talk to him, and good luck.

Answer 2

I had step children and I felt the same way you do. I left it to their Dad to dish out the discipline because I felt that it wasn't my place to do so. Big mistake. They had no respect for me at all, treated me like a home help and basically walked all over me. My husband didn't see the problem and eventually our marriage failed.
It sounds as though you are doing a great job but I think you should talk your feelings over with your b/f before his son gets much older. These kinds of issues really need to be addressed quickly and hopefully you can work out a plan that you will both be happy with.

Answer 3

I think you should talk to your boyfriend about his feelings on this subject. If he says he's totally fine with you treating his son like your own, than do what he says. If not, let him do all the disciplining.

Answer 4

you seem serious enough about this guy to be his son's mommy someday, so you should talk to him and see if he'll let you. just say that you want his son to be able to respect you in the future. but if there's ever a dispute on how to correct him, let dad take over.

Answer 5

Hmm.. it relies upon. in the event that they are in simple terms relationship for sexual crap or because of the fact each and every physique else is relationship, it rather is stupid. yet whilst they are surely mature and rather prefer to get to appreciate the guy and be with them, it is wonderful. yet I easily do not think of 14-15 year previous adult men are mature sufficient or waiting for a solid relationship. a number of them are. i became into 14, virtually 15 when I went out with my first boyfriend and he became into sixteen. this would not make me a ho, i became into in simple terms extra mature than adult men my age and that i for my area cherished the guy I dated and had to get to appreciate him.