11 years ago my husband and I broke it off for a while. He was seeing someone & I was seeing someone. I decided to take our children (w/ his approval) and move out of the area. My then boyfriend was not going with me. After moving away my husband and I reconciled and have been happily together ever since.
Over the last 11 years I have secretly kept in touch with my ex. He also seeks me out. There hasn't been any sex or anything like that. We honestly are very close friends now. We haven't actually seen one another physically. I have no real desire to see him, as I'm unsure of my feelings, I love & adore my husband too much to put myself in a situation, that even if we do nothing, I will not be trusted, it will only look bad.
The thing is, I hate keeping this secret but I like my friendship with my ex. I know that telling my husband will mean the end of our friendship. As I said, I don't like keeping the secret. I struggle with whether I should tell him or not. What would you do?
2006-10-03 11:44:37 · 19 answers · asked by Chris 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why borrow trouble if there is nothing sexual going on?
I think that husbands and wives can have some secrets from one another.
What would you gain by telling him?
2006-10-03 11:47:38 · answer #1 · answered by Angela 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Not telling him. I think you would be better walking on thin ice. At least then you end up cold rather then the fire this will set in your current husband. Talk to your husband let him no the point and even if your husband is ok with it. The relationship you keep with the ex- is going to be a thorn in your marriage regardless. I think you should make better friends with your current husband. He needs to be your best friend or your in the wrong. Although he may trust you too together. You do not belong together anymore. End it.
2006-10-03 12:20:46 · answer #2 · answered by rangerhonor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not hid it but you are dwelling on this. The secret is the dad part. Not being able to talk to him would be like not being able to have friends of the opposite sex. Just when seeing and talking be sure not to do things that make it suspicious. It is the talking behind your partners back and keeping it from him that makes ths so bad. Do this in the open. You may make this seem like a new finding each other and keep it open and short so that he don't feel you've been hiding this for years.
2006-10-03 11:51:53 · answer #3 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to continue a relationship with your son. Right now, your son thinks Dad hung the moon; let him continue to think that. Eventually, your ex will mention something, and Son will be all excited, and when Dad doesn't deliver, he'll start to see the truth. Don't dis Dad in front of Son, he'll figure out what kind of person his dad is. If he decides to come and visit your son, You be there to supervise. Never take your eyes off the two of them, not for a second. You don't want to have to add kidnapping to a child support charge. You need to contact a lawyer/judge, someone who can garnish his wages, no matter where he lives, to have his child support sent to you. If you know his SS #, you can find him anywhere.
2016-03-27 03:49:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a friendship with my ex and my husband is supportive of it. However in your case you have been hiding for 11 yrs. I suggest you be open and honest. This may cause some hard feelings but is the right thing to do. He may be upset at first but you owe it to him. The result may possibly be the end of your friendship. In a marriage secrets are like poison. If you value you r marriage you owe it to him and to yourself. The ex sounds like he may want more by continually trying to pursue you. Best of luck!
2006-10-03 11:51:41 · answer #5 · answered by Tara C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not tell. But I would try and evaluate the situation for myself and decide whether or not I would want the "secret" relationship to continue. Realistically, it probably is not good for the marriage when you're "unsure" of your feelings towards someone else.
2006-10-03 11:52:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should be completely honest with your husband. And stop talking to this guy! There is no reason for you to keep it going, you are risking having feelings for someone else by doing this. You are betraying your husband now in two ways, one, not being honest, two, talking to an ex. Think of you children, you want a normal and health life for them, you need to have a happy and healthy relationship with your hubby.
2006-10-03 11:48:00 · answer #7 · answered by Serious Answers 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
as hard as it may be... honesty is always the best policy. think about what might happen if your husband somehow finds out years from now. he will never trust you again, or at least have a really hard time trying to. good luck.
2006-10-03 11:47:50 · answer #8 · answered by Btieti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to end that friendship anyway. If it has been going on for eleven years behind his back you have been extremely deceptive and I don't know that he would ever trust you again if he found out. Better to end it and not tell him about it.
2006-10-03 11:47:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sure, go ahead and tell him. I am sure his feelings won't be hurt by your secret contacts with an ex lover all these years. I am sure his faith and trust in you will remain unaltered.
2006-10-03 11:48:05 · answer #10 · answered by An Unhappy Yahoo User 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋