Short version: I hate South Florida and have been trying to leave since I got here. Met my husband here; he said he wanted to leave, too, at the time, and has kept saying that until the past year. The last two years he kept wanting to stay longer (for his job). His family is here; my family is scattered everywhere. We've discussed this issue ad nauseum. We've tried compromise and scouting alternative locations, with no results (he likes the Florida locations, but not the ones in other states). He wants to stay in Florida, citing family and convenience. I can't stay and I can't go. I'm not going to try to force him to go somewhere if he doesn't want to, but I'm tired of living in limbo all of the time.
It's not a matter of geography versus love - I miss North America, and Miami is hell. This situation is rough and I can't find a middle ground that we could both be happy about. It bothers me that he has not been honest about this.
A) What's going on?
B) What to do in a no-win?
2006-10-03 10:54:16 · 12 answers · asked by Hurricane77 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A- no one is willing to compromise. You BOTH have to give something up that you BOTH can live with (or without). Perhaps you haven't made it clear enough how miserable you really are? i.e. "I'm leaving you if we dont' get out of this hellhole?"
B-Keeping in mind that you both have to AGREE to the compromise......keep searching for a place that you both can live with.......EACH of you, write a list of pros and cons. Find a place that meets both lists. i.e. somewhere he can work and visit family within a "reasonable" distance AND somewhere that the environment is comfortable for you. There's gotta be a middle ground. I say if he really knows how miserable you are then he's gotta be willing to budge.......cause it seems that you ARE willing to budge cause you're still there!!
2006-10-03 11:07:43 · answer #1 · answered by paintgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have a clear idea of what is going on - you have the need and desire to move, and he has the need and desire to stay.
I don't perceive that he was necessarily dishonest - it's possible that he really did want to move at the time but that his feelings changed. He has a right to feel what he feels in this moment.
It's a tough conflict, but it's not necessarily a no-win situation. The idea is to work together collaboratively and creatively and find a solution that meets both your needs.
Maybe you could start by seeing a couples therapist to talk about these important issues with a third person present to mediate.
A few possible solutions - maybe you could go to college somewhere outside of Florida, and fly back to see him during summer break and christmas break. That might give you 4 years outside of Florida, and more if you did grad work.
Maybe you could get a job outside of Florida and arrange to comeback and see him once a month or him to see you once a month.
Maybe you could agree with him to take a summer vacation and visit a number of different locations to gather more information.
Good luck!
2006-10-03 11:04:45 · answer #2 · answered by a_blue_grey_mist 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Answer this simple question, Are you happy? If the answer is no you are unhappy then answer this question, Are you willing to spend the rest of your life being unhappy? If the answer to this question is No your not willing to spend the rest of your life being unhappy, then what are your prepared to do to make you happy again? You will never be happy again until you move. So what are you going to do? You are married i agree, but that is no reason for you to stay unhappy is it?. There is only one person in this world that can make you happy, and that person is you. This situation isn't about your husband, he is happy where he is, so why should you be unhappy just to please him?
Your not in this world to be unhappy, do everything in your power to make you happy, and if that means leaving him behind, good luck to you, his loss, he doesn't deserve you if he doesn't go with you. The first thing to do is find somewhere to live, once you've done that, tell him, i've found somewhere to live, i'm going, with or without you, tell him you are unhappy. If he don't want to come then fair enough, say that you are not prepared to be unhappy anymore. Don't let him hold you back from your dreams.
You deserve to be happy
Good luck
2006-10-03 11:13:32 · answer #3 · answered by johnnymifo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been going through the same thing for 30 yrs. and I really regret not goning on myself when I realized all my husband was trying to do was pacify me by a cting like he wanted to move. I have no family here but of course he does and in the last yr. his dad has passed away and his mother is driving me crazy. My mother and daddy and sister died and I really regret not spending more time with them but I was like you, I was torn between my h usband and Birmingham,Al. Now I realize he wouldn't have ever really moved back and I could kick myself for being so stupid. All he studies is his family here and I have tried so hard but I just don't look forward to going to there houses so theres no enjoyment for me. I wish you the best, I know it's a hard decision . I have never liked it here either and it has gotten rougher and rougher. I feel like now I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANYONE THAT CARES, IT'S ALWAYS BEEN HIS WAY. gOOD LUCK AND I hope you make the right decision that will make you happy .
2006-10-03 11:12:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I dont think you are disloyal or anything like that. You have your feelings, he has his. He seems to have strong family ties and probably wouldnt know what to do with out them. But i have lived from one end of this state to the other, and you really would be surprised how different Tallahasse is from Miami, or even cape Canaveral. Personally I prefer Cape Canaveral or any other city in Brevard County if i live in Florida. The people are pretty laid back and welcome everyone, friendly. I dont think he ment to lie to you. my husband is skittish about moving too when it looks like we have the means to really do it. If yours is like mines hes probably just afraid of what it will be like somewhere different, and concidering his wanting to be near his family that would make that fear even worse. If he wants to remain in Florida and you want out of Miami try visiting prosepective cities you would want to be in and see if you get a good feel for it before you decide. Just aviod Putnam County. Jobs here are scares and the people are not friendly. And try not to get over welemed by it. Good luck to you!
2006-10-03 11:13:25 · answer #5 · answered by mother_of_bonehead 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first question is, how generally do you write one yet another? if the respond is extra often than as quickly as a month or as quickly as another month, proceed writing in accordance on your habit -- he gets your letter and respond for this reason -- and in spite of his reaction, you will teach persevering with help and friendship with next letters. [s] I undergo in recommendations when I had male friends on missions... in simple terms earlier one particular one got here homestead, i began out getting 'letters' from the 'venture homestead' stating that it had come to their interest that I knew a missionary approximately to RWH from that venture -- and might I kindly answer some questions... countless the questions I undergo in recommendations... Do you reside at homestead? Does your father have a shotgun? Do you have a dogs? Does it chew? it became right into a hoot! -- the questionaire became into some thing like 3 or 4 pages... superb desires, Princess Merry Christmas... [and in case you're superb friends with him, how's your relationship along with his mom? won't he be calling homestead right here in 12 or 13 days? basically a theory...]
2016-10-15 11:50:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A - this is the sort of fundamental difference that can sink a marriage.
B - Looks like a simple choice to me: are you better off with him, notwithstanding the Florida problem, or is it more important to get to a climate with less humidity and fewer bugs? My ex's parents toured the country before settling in Florida, and it suited them. I visited them there, and hated it.
2006-10-03 11:00:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just try to compromise..Can you move to the northern half of Florida somewhere? I understand your frustration..but if you love him and he won't move you need to make a decision on what is best for you! Good Luck
2006-10-03 10:58:00 · answer #8 · answered by Jesabel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Greetings!
Make real plans to leave providing that is the place you want to go. When he sees the car pull out of the driveway, he will know you are serious.
If he loves you he will follow. If he loves himself more he will not.
Good Luck
2006-10-03 10:57:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave without him. He knew when you guys got together that you wanted to move and he didn't and he still got with you. That is so dishonest. He basically just wasted your time.
2006-10-03 10:58:58 · answer #10 · answered by Rachel Bitchface 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋