My husband is very abusive (emotionally and verbal)?

Question

My husband and I are married for 8 months. We have a 4 year-old boy. My husband used to call me names once in a while, but now it is scalating (even though he is going to a counselar) and every single day he only talks to me if it is to call me bad names (slut, *****......and I have never cheated on him), to say how disgusting I am and so on, and how he will divorce me and get the custody of my son. Is there anyone out there in the same situation as me? I would love to talk to someone about that.
I feel like I can not tell anybody about that.

Answer 1

Yes. I was in an abusive relationship. You can't subject yourself to that. All that you are saying is very common and many women have been through what you are going through. You can look on line for a nearby organizations (below are some national ones). Even if it's a battered women's shelter, ask them what you should do in a verbally abusive situation and they can offer advice. Don't threaten to divorce him or give him any signs of what you're doing - first just get advice from a local organization for women. Start to document (write in a notebook) what he has said or done so you can first of all remind yourself what he's done/said and then if you have to show it to your lawyer one day, you will have it. I found some good things on line to get you started. Make sure you get help sooner rather than later. I had the opportunity to leave my ex after 1 year with him and I didn't take it, then it wasn't until 3 years later and I had so much restoration to have to heal. You start to think that you aren't worth anything because you've been told that for so long, but you do have value! and don't be afraid about your son. Get the help you need for both your sakes now before it gets any worse.

This is from the first website I listed:
If you are being abused, seek professional help immediately. If you have a question or a comment send email to [e-mail]
The Webmistress will respond personally
to every email.

P.S. You are too precious to be in that situation. I'll be praying for you!!

Answer 2

Well I am a male and really not one to give advice. I dont know what state you live in and the laws reguarding child custody however where I live if you wanted to leave and there is no custody arrangement beforehand you can take your child and leave. That would be my suggestion. It is a very diffacult situation and I know because I just left the same situation a few months ago after trying for 3 years. But after the initial hurt it does get better. Also after you leave check into filing a restraining order to keep him from getting near the child untill after you can go to court and file for divorce and explain to the judge his abusive behavior. The judge will probably be able to order him to some parenting or behavior classes before he is able to get custody of your son and then it will only be partial. Just remember you have to do whats best for you and your children and if you do your kids wont be taken away the courts wont let it happen.

Answer 3

Dear desperate,

The absolute worst thing you can do is not tell anyone about what your husband is doing to you.. You must tell everyone about his abusive ways . You need as much emotional support as you can muster. If your son is not his biologically you have nothing to worry about regarding your idiot husband of 8 months getting custody. Your husband is using that as a threat to manipulate you. He's trying to control you from leaving him because the sick jerk knows your son means the world to you and is probably the only reason you're staying. Listen--- the truth of the matter is everyday in our counrty alone hundreds of women who are in a similar situations to you, and with help they are leaving these abusers. I encourage you to do the same. If you stay to long and one of his fits of rage really gets out of control you could wind up in the hospital or worse! Statistics don't lie and every women like you who stays in fear winds up injuried to a much greater degree than you now find yourself. You made a mistake--- you married the jerk, you gave it the old college try ...counseling he's not cahnging. If you stay you're helping him to dig your grave. For at the very least you'll spend x number of years living in fear and putting up with his abuse. It willl take a toll on your self esteem and it will be far harder to pick up the peices of your broken self. LOOK in your local phone book there is a group formerly called BWA Battered womans Alternatives I think it is now called STAND. Call their 1-800 # talk to them they will offer you help, a , place to stay, legal advice, etc. You can start over. you owe it to yourself and your child. Every time your child is exposed to your husbands illness it leaves an imprint on their heart & soul. Your child will become the innocent victim if you stay. And you will become a sorrowful soul who won't even recognize yourself when you look in the mirror. Get a backbone leave for your sake and your childs. It will be the start of a new beginning and you will begin to feel whole again and see that your dreams can come true if you reach out for help. DO NOT STAY AND BECOME A VICTIM!

Answer 4

You state your husband is in counseling, why aren't you there too. You are playing the part as a victim and you should be standing up to this emotional abuser. Emotional and verbal abusers are worse than the physical abusers.

His father or mother taught him this bad behaviour and until you actually put an end to it IT will continue and the next thing you know your 4 yr old will follow the MONKEY SEE MONKEY DO routine!

Get counseling and be assertive...stand up for yourself...and don't let this jerk of a man walk all over you. You're not his private door mat so quit acting and responding like one!

Answer 5

Your husband obviously has an emotional problem. What is not known is whether he is actually going to a counselor. Ask him the counselor's name and telephone number. If he gives it to you call the counselor and tell him what is going on. If he refuses to give it to you it could be your husband is not being 100% truthful. It is imperative that if you ever feel that your well-being or the well-being of you son is in jeopardy that you call the police. Do not take any unnecassary chances. Good Luck.

Answer 6

Men are known to do this kind of abuse, especially when there is a child and the woman seems to have no way out of the situation. Where is your Family ? Your Parents or your brothers and sisters ? The abuse shelters are next . Seek help there. and Get an Attorney, and see if that will not change his behavior of taking advantage of you

Answer 7

You need to leave ! This is not a safe environment for you or your son. Emotional and Verbal abuse can turn into Physical at ANY MOMENT!

Stay with a family member, or a close friend. You need to ask for help. That is the only way out right now. Please confide in someone you can trust and depend on.

Please, get out of this and seek advice about your son. Best of luck! You are in my prayers

Answer 8

I'm sorry about your dilema. I dont want you to live like that. You deserve to be treated with the same love and respect that I'm sure you give to him. I never like to tell a person to leave their spouse, thats not my place. I want you to consider what kind of message are you sending to your son. If you continue to accept this abuse, you're telling him that when he grows up and starts dating it will be ok to disrespect women. It is my opinion that most women stay with their abusive husbands because they are afraid to venture off on their own. I was scared too when I decided to leave my husband, but I decided that enough is enough. When is it going to be enough for you?

Answer 9

He somewhat has anger subjects and you're able to be very careful. Does it help in any respect once you settle with him or validate his emotions, relating to the cat case in point? Does he ever supply effective techniques of coping with the flaws that anger him or set him off? Or does he basically rant approximately them? If he has no longer yet been threatening or demeaning it may be basically a rely of time until now he's. in case you experience you're able to stroll on egg shells for days at a time because of the fact he's in certainly one of his moods, it is extremely undesirable for you and the babies. specially circumstances people behave that way in an attempt to get somebody else to initiate a combat with them so as that they have got an excuse to vent their anger without feeling as though they're responsible for their movements because of the fact somone else "started it." He can not replace via means of attempting. He has to get expert help. Anger administration instructions or stress relief seminars or perhaps basically connect a well-being club so he has a place to flow after paintings to burn off the emotion until now coming homestead. I lived with plenty worse and that i do no longer envy you your place. you desire some expert suggestion too. There are 800 numbers and places to flow to get pamphlets that could assist you type this out. One place to get the pamplets is your county courthouse. Please get help.

Answer 10

first thing leave him i had a man sounds similar i was called everything in the book both daughterds were not his if i took to long at the store i was screwing someone and my kids were with me and lets dont for the physical abuse im guessing if that isnt a factor for you it will be to follow. they tear you down as a human being and make you feel worthless honey it is only because they do not like themselves and they don't feel secure in their own world so of corse he he wants you right at his mentality or he feel threatend you think it is your fault but please never blame your self i did it for five years and thank god i got out with my life now i am with a man that i adore as he me and in thirteen years i have never been called a fowl name or anything close to it in 13 years i have never been yell screamed put down and on top of that he has been raising my kids and loves them as his own