Just come back from a holiday with my husband. After 19 years together, it was the first time we went on our own. It was a great . Last year I found out he was cheating. At the time, he said that he wouldn't have left for another woman, but he wanted his space as he had had enough of the marriage, that he wanted to be free and many other things which left me shocked. I was more shocked when he actually left to live in his own flat. Then he started to come back home almost immediately, every week-end, takes me out , phones every night, talks as if nothing has happened. When we came back today, he got ready to go back to his flat, and I was so upset that I asked him whether it might be better if he stayed away for a few months so he could decide what he wanted. He said that it was up to me that it didn't bother him, he would not be pressurised, is taking one day at a time, can't make plans.There was a problem with us and now we must rebuild it slowly. Then he cut the grass.
2006-10-03 10:22:56 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The relationship is over. He is waiting for you to make the first move to end the relationship. Until then, he will only come round when his hungry for your attention (only because he hasn't got a better option). You need to gather evidence of his cheating and use it against him when you file for the divorce.
2006-10-03 10:27:06 · answer #1 · answered by Cary Grant 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think he's messing with your head./ He knows you love him and would take him back a thousand times if he's leave. He's being an egotistical fool. I'm sure he jsut wanted to live his moment but- now that reality has come to him he wants you back>? he's full of ****!! You deserve beter. I think you should take some time off from him. Think about it real good. Whatever reason he ahd to cheat on you- he can have it again. Or- it could have been a spur of the moment thing and he's sorry for it. Then- you should forgive him and work things out. But- he should be really honest with you anyway. If you decide to take him back- you need to give him at least 3 months. Monitor his behavior with you. Everything he does for you and doesn't do. If he starts acting up- don't think about it- dump him. you're still young and can find someone better.
2006-10-03 10:29:52 · answer #2 · answered by mari 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is a bit confused, Does he still have a gf or do you know? I think I would tell him you need your space and get out and have fun, get yourself a makeover anything that would make you feel better. It sounds like he's playing a game and your either in a marriage or not, If you can live like this a year from now, keep playing his game if not, you start calling the shots even if you wanted to see him tell him you have something else to do. Don't jump when he wants to do something. This has got to being tearing your self esteem up plus keeping you on a string. tell him he can;t have his Kate and Edith too. Better still just get your own life and see if you don;t feel better. Start taking some exercise classes, get involved in a good church you enjoy. Call up ole friends and make plans with them and don't break them if he calls. Good luck and know that no man is worth hurting yourself like this. There like buses different one along every 30 mins. Take control of your own life and you will feel better. Don't let him keep you upset, life is too short for these stupid games he's playing and your worth alot more than to be a part of them.
2006-10-03 10:39:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
been there. probably nothing going on. he just feels as if he has been trapped in a bad relationship for years. I was.
I went to Korea and lived on my own and loved it. didn't have to ask anyone for permission to buy this or do that the independance was wonderful. We divorced and after three years I remarried.
I liked the independance but would have probably stayed married if I had my wife to go home to on weekends. The independance was great but the weekends were lonley and I was super horney. More than I was when we lived together.
hang in there. He really just wants some space.
2006-10-03 10:28:44 · answer #4 · answered by oldsoftee2001 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion your husband wants to see other women or the other women with no guilt of facing you every day or no guilt of where he is or with whom. He wants the single life and guess what? He has the best of both worlds! However you have a decision to make which is whether you will continue to live this separate life? After 19 yrs. it is a very difficult decision to make I don't know you but I will pray for you. Think of what you can and can't put up with OK?
2006-10-03 10:30:02 · answer #5 · answered by shawtypimp2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then... he cut the grass... I hope this is in reference to a lawn chore. But in answer to your question, it appears obvious to me that your husband is shopping around for a better deal (in his eyes). And it is up to you if you want to put up with that or not, but if I were to advise you, I would say don't put up with it, have an honest conversation about what your needs are and what his needs are and see if there is a way you can both meet them and stay together. If he agrees to work it out have him move back home with you because if he stays out there he is able to cheat on you far more easily that if he was at home.
But, it sounds to me that either wat you need to decide if this marriage is somthing that can be saved and if you want it to be. And if it is then he has to stop treating you this way, and you have to stop letting him.
I hope this helps, and good luck.
2006-10-03 10:32:12 · answer #6 · answered by Teclis98 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband wants the best of both worlds! Let him live in his "perfect" world. Yes, he has ulterior motives....the truth of the matter is, he left so that he would be able to do as he pleases while at the same time calling you to keep you hanging on a string. Idon't know fully what he wants or what he is doing, but something isn't right!
2006-10-03 10:37:31 · answer #7 · answered by catladi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like the epitome of "mid-life crisis". i am so sorry for you to be going through this. your idea is the only way to handle it. it's all or nothing or this will continue. and apparently you are the only one it is hurting. he is keeping you in limbo by not letting you go, and giving you just enough to give you hope that your marriage can be saved. tell him to go away and stop hanging around on weekends. then, if and when he is ready to commit to you again, if that's still what YOU want, then he can call and discuss it with you. good luck.
2006-10-03 10:29:25 · answer #8 · answered by leavemealonestalker 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, I think that maybe you should stay away if he can't respect the fact that you have feeling too. Let him know you will not be put on hold for him to go sleep around and then just act like nothing is wrong when he decides to come around again. He is doing this because you are letting him.
2006-10-03 10:27:16 · answer #9 · answered by brunette 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To me it sounds like it's over...as far as he's concerned anyway. He seems to be enjoying his newfound freedom and the reason he kept seeing u was to "ease" both of u into the idea. Now that he's gotten used to being alone, I truly think he likes it. So...I suggest u make up your mind, as far as your own life goes and don't expect anything in return from him. And I think at this stage it would be better if u set your own time limit and stick with it.
2006-10-03 10:33:04 · answer #10 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋