i have been with someone a year and recently he went out and kissed a girl on a night out with the lads. the lads were encouraging him and the next day he came clean and told me out straight, he addmitted he was flirting with another but i no that is just his personality. he could charm the knickers off a nun! i believe he is genuinly sorry. but how many other guys were sorry? will i ever be able to trust him. i have taken him back things arent the same and i still feel so hurt as it is something he was always against. will things ever be the same??
2006-10-03 10:18:34 · 31 answers · asked by tray 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
The first time a significant other cheats is usually a good time to head for the exit, but while it takes a lot of healing and rebuilding of trust, there are relationships that are capable of surviving infidelity. A second indiscretion, however, leaves no grey area. Even if it were never to happen again, you’re either committing yourself to a sentence of distrust and suspicion or compromising a substantial level of your self-respect by staying with him. If you know he’s strayed again—even if it was only a kiss, even if he’s truly, completely and excruciatingly sorry—it’s over. And if it’s you whose attention has wandered, it’s time to admit that this isn’t working for you. When you cheat on a loved one you cheat yourself of a partnership that is whole and honest; you’re better off looking for someone who can hold all of your attention.
2006-10-03 10:20:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nip it in the bud NOW , he knows he has hurt you , OK a kiss this time but what will happen if he gets led on again , mmmmm. I think if your to get back on track in your relationship is to go out together until you feel able to trust him , and if he don't like it , say it's me or the flirting as got to stop, you cant keep him a prisoner but you could put some rules down if he loves you he will go with you to the pub , rather than out with the boys, just until you think you can trust him again, if you feel you cant trust him after a while , I suggest a tempory separation to see if he feels your too good to lose and want to be with you more than anyone , and charming the knickers off a nun , phew I don't like the sound of that, do what your instincts tell you or you will be forgiving him for the next 5 years , and that would be a waste of time in your life. It's hard if you love some one but I had the same problem but worse every one told me to finish with my bloke but I was young and loved him, but at last I grew up and saw what he was , I wasted all that time don't make the same mistake as me , but at the end of the day only you can sort this out , OK chic , love Debbie j x
2006-10-03 10:44:16 · answer #2 · answered by bonniebella 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My girl friend has told me that if I ever kiss a girl on a night out with the lads it could be curtains for our relationship. However I totally disagree with her (not that she does not believe her statement) but I disagree with her view point. I think that you should trust your partner to love you more then a bit on the side. If he had wanted a bit on the side he would have it and you would be the last to know. Drink and peer pressure cause such events you can not stop them happening. Start monitoring his friends, restrict his nights out and if he is a man he will leave of his own volition. Your only hope is trust and understanding - if you love him and he loves you he won't do it. Oh and kick up a fuss when he does something like this so that he knows how upset you are. You may even be able to use it to your advantage by getting him to take you on holiday etc.
2006-10-03 11:07:47 · answer #3 · answered by Aerroc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in my experience, it is very hard to trsut someone again once they have cheated on you. You're saying 'it's his personality' and 'he could charm the knickers off a nun' but while he is with you he should be putting all that energy into making YOU happy, not flirting with others. ask yourself, is he really making the effort to ammend things? If the answer is no, then I'd personally find someone who is worth you time. A guy cheated on me and in the end i had to end the relationship cos i just couldnt forget it and now i'm with someone amazing so you could be missing out. Some relationships can overcome it and if you feel you can trust him again in the long run then go for it but the fact that you have posted this question means you probably know the answer to it deep down. Good luck
2006-10-03 10:25:17 · answer #4 · answered by Tara B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You either have to forget about it or end the relationship. Although you say that you believe he's genuinely sorry, your question is full of doubt. As another responder has pointed out: you don't trust him anymore, which is understandable given the fact that he seems to have laid it on thick that he was gainst that sort of thing. I suppose the big problem is that if it happened once, then there's no reason why it can't happen again, but at the end of the day only you can know whether you can live with this and keep the relationship going.
2006-10-03 10:27:25 · answer #5 · answered by John P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He " kissed her " and yes he flirted, it was a lads night out they get up to silly things. He told you about it, he is sorry. It was a kiss nothing more, I think you may be making too much of this. If you feel so bad about this that you cannot get over it then perhaps it is best for you both that you end it.
Your boy friend was out with his mates, I take it they were drinking ?? We all behave out of character once in a while, especially if drink is involved. You have known him 12 months, once he behaved badly, is a kiss so bad ??, look what women get up to on hen nights and men on bachelor nights, and that is the day before the wedding.
He knows he upset you, if it happens again, he will know your reaction !!!!!!!!!!!
2006-10-03 10:40:23 · answer #6 · answered by Dolly Blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope Never!!!!! Once you have lost trust you will never get it back. We are not able to erase the things that we have done in the past that is why they haunt us through out life. I do give him Kudos for telling you about it but now you have to think about all the things he didn't come clean about. It is so messed up once someone in the relationship has done something to hurt the other person. The pain never really goes away and you are left to think of what else is out there that won't hurt you. I am sorry sweety but it's going to be up hill from here trying to make it work. Its just up to you to decide if he is worth it.
2006-10-03 10:25:12 · answer #7 · answered by HappyMama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is a very hurtful thing to go through but you are lucky that he came clean. Many men would not and carry on full blown affairs with a lot of lies and deceit. I believe he is genuinly sorry. Trust will come back in time. good luck
2006-10-03 11:09:20 · answer #8 · answered by Teresa M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that depends on you and only you. If your willing to take him back then that's a first step but things probably won't be the same until you know you can begin to trust him again if that ever happens. Trust is a big issue and especially if you always thought he was totally against it. Just remember that everybody deserves a second chance but NOBODY deserves a second chance twice! Good luck...
2006-10-03 10:42:21 · answer #9 · answered by mslo25 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it was just a kiss on a lads night out is it such a big deal he had a couple of drinks and his mates were encouraging he probably got carried away but it did not mean anything
2006-10-03 10:27:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋