at the end of the relationship i found out i was pregnant we stay with each other on and off till the baby was born then we split up for good he was very violent towards me he has only seen his son once my mum said to me its him or the family and i choose the family the thing is i still love him and cant get over him even though its been 3 years im still finding it hard to get over him any advice????
2006-10-03 10:13:36 · 18 answers · asked by lisa b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Its understandable that you still have feelings for him.You have a child with the man. You know in you r heart the right thing to do, as you have already chosen your family over him.
As he was violent towards you, you need to deal with these issues to enable you to move on. Check out the link below.
Embrace the fact that you still love him, thats fine. Just dont act on it, for the sake of yourself and your child.
2006-10-03 10:16:18 · answer #1 · answered by Ah! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going through the same thing... I haven't seen the father of my child since before whe was born it's been about 2 yrs. sure i still think about him. the thing that made me stop wanting him was that i reminded myself that he's not even around at the most important time that he should be second of all he hit you. honey there are so many guys/men out there that will be with you and show you why you don't really love him. you "love" him bc you have a very special bond between the two of you that's your beautiful child. Just give someone else a chance, but not just anyone, and you'll soon pass those feelings by. trust me i did and now i have a man who loves my little girl like his own. honey you've got to be a fighter for your child, don't let any man get you down like that.
first of all have you filed for child support? If so, the next step you need to take is to file for child abandonment if it's been atleast 6 mths since he's seen your child. this will help you out with the child atleast. The courts will take care of him .
But please find a good man who will love you and your child. Not one that will hit you. If he'll hit you he'll hit a kid. trust me i know.
2006-10-03 10:27:19 · answer #2 · answered by gardener24 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
MOVE ON !!!
I don't care how you feel about this loser, he is not good for the child. That is what is important, not you.
Now, I do understand you wanting to have someone in your life and be in love. You can find that again later. Fill your days now with doing things with your child and family and friends. If you start to feel lonely, pick up a book and read, or call a friend or relative.
In addition, I think your mother was insensitive to give you an ultimatum, if that is what you were saying. Hard to read the run-on sentence. Does she care about you and the baby so little that she would not still love you and want to see you if you were with him? I wouldn't want to be around her if she is that way.
2006-10-03 10:18:07 · answer #3 · answered by jboatright57 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh you poor thing , but I must say you did do the right thing listening to your mum, mum's as the best, she loves you dearly and only wants the best for you like you will when your baby grows up.Imagine some one being violent to your child you would go spare, so your mother is only looking out for you and her grandchild. She helps with your son , babysits and helps you by buying him some clothing etc. If you had stayed with your violent ex could you be in a mother and baby safe house now , some violent men after booze change and god knows it was you 1st would it of been your son next , maybe his crying would of got on his nerves one night and wallop , if you can understand what I'm trying to say , maybe he would never but you could not take that chance and only seeing his son once does that tell you some thing , maybe by now your ex is battering some other girl and as another child , you may have had a lucky escape, ??, I cant say get over him as it's your life I can just give you advise , you must be able to go out with some girlfriends for a night out and who knows you may meet a man whom is worthy of your love , dont wait and dream that one day you may get back with your ex 3yrs is a long time to still love a man who was violent to you, do try and get out and meet your dream man , there are plenty of nice men around , who would not dream of raising a hand to a lady , and do it for your child , you can never change his father , but when he is older your son will make up his own mind and either look for his dad or not , but do get on with you life we are not on this earth for long , so get out there and start living, go girl you can do it and you ex will be a past bad experiance, but always be around if he wants to see his son in the future. Good luck, dont waste your life GET OUT THERE Love Debbie j x
2006-10-03 11:04:39 · answer #4 · answered by bonniebella 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I've been there. Get over him put all you energy into you child. He hasn't done anything for you or your son in years. Wouldn't you rather have some one that's going to love you and your son and take care of the both of you instead of abandoning your child. Get over him , if he was to come back do you think it would be different, do you think that he wouldn't hit you again or maybe he will let out his anger on you son and start beating him instead of you . How would you feel than ? Don't take that chance for you son , find some one new and get to know him before you let him in to your sons life it's bad enough that he doesn't have his father don't bring an asshole into his life.
GOOD LUCK.
2006-10-03 10:24:00 · answer #5 · answered by Toria T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mum should NEVER have given you an ultimatum she should respect your wishes in your life you are an adult after all but in saying that if he was violent then you and the babe are better off without him. You will find someone to love you. Time is a great healer but you just have to hang in there good luck xx
2006-10-03 10:18:35 · answer #6 · answered by kitkat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You talk yourself into him
Love isn’t always easy, but you should never have to work at how you feel. There are enough complications in navigating the communication barriers, compromises and vulnerabilities between two people to have to worry if your feelings for each other are legitimate. Your affection for each other should be the force that makes everything else worthwhile. If you think you’re convincing yourself that he’s good for you, convince yourself to take a step back and reconsider.
2006-10-03 10:22:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's easy to remember the 'good times' when you love someone but remember how he treated you and how it changed you. Remember those who stood by you and supported you. Don't accept 'trashy' guys and take pride in yourself and your child.
Love will find you again when you lift your chin up and smile - open your eyes to see a new man who might be on your very doorstep at this moment! Life is full of surprises. It's a rollercoaster - so you hang on girl!
2006-10-03 10:25:31 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can you have trouble getting over someone who was violent towards you? How can you still be in love with someone who could potentially hurt your child? Avoid this guy and find someone who will treat you like you desreve to be treated, with love and respect.
2006-10-03 10:20:43 · answer #9 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it will be very hard but you have to think about whats best for you and your child. would a violent man be good for you both? that would hurt more having some one you love not love you back. it will be hard but persevre it will get easier. start dating you might meet someone nice!
2006-10-03 10:22:40 · answer #10 · answered by tray 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋