What does anyone think of this? I have been divorced for 5 years now. However my extended family finds it to be okay to invite my ex-wife to family functions such as Holiday get-together's and now my cousins wedding and reception this Saturday. I honestly don't personally have a problem with it for my attachments to her have long ago been detatched, but my ex-girlfriend thought it was wierd and didn't like it when they did that; I guess I can see her issue with it for it would probably bother me if the situation were reversed. But is it wierd that my family invites her? We did have one child together but should that matter? What are your thoughts?
2006-10-03 09:55:23 · 42 answers · asked by His Dudeness 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It would make me feel weird as well but there are lots of families out there that do that sort of thing. Reassure your new love that you have no feelings of your ex except for the fact that she is the mother of your children. She will eventually get use to it. If not explain this to your family and tell them that it makes your new love very uncomfortable and you suggest that they see her on other occasions rather then family get togethers because you will not show up if she is there.
2006-10-03 10:04:34 · answer #1 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don' t think it weird at all if everyone is comfortable with it. I actually think it is great for your child that you have together. If you are serious about this girlfriend however, I would consider her feelings on the matter and maybe not put her in uncomfortable spots. Perhaps she can arrange some family get togethers at your home in which it does not include the X. I can see how she would be uncomfortable about this. It would be kind of touchy if you speak to your family about this issue b/c they apparently like your X. It might even put your girlfriend in a negative light if she stirs things up. This is a very touchy subject and I am afraid there is no perfect answer. Try talking to your GF and be sensitive to her feelings. Try to make her understand that this is actually a very healthy thing for your child. If it is too difficult for her I would not push it on her. I would also try to talk to your X and explain the situation. Perhaps she will be happy to decline a get together or two. A comprimise may even be made. I would most def. leave the family out of this one though. It isn't their problem and the issue will only magnify if you address it with the entire family.
2006-10-03 10:03:45 · answer #2 · answered by Dominika 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your family could just love her and have an attachment to her. She was once your wife. Actually the first marriage only counts anyway and on top of that you have a child together. They probably feel like she is family, and she is. I have an uncle and his sons mother(his son is my cousin of course) always comes around. We invite her to any family function. Why should she be left out? She was once your wife and that means a lot. If she was an ex-girlfriend I would be totally against it. Wife is what matters and none other to the end in my eyes. There are men who are married to others right now and still take care of their ex wife especially if she was a good person.
2006-10-03 10:21:33 · answer #3 · answered by Miss T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand having a child together this means you'll have to communicate with your ex wife but at the same time if a family event is coming up and your family knows you will be bringing a girlfriend along I think this is when they should have some consideration to her feelings and not include your ex in the event. I'm sure if they think about it it's just as awkward for your ex wife as well.
2006-10-03 10:28:37 · answer #4 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's so abnormal about it? U have to remember that your ex was once part of the family and your family members are still treating her as one, if not a good friend and I would have to say that u have a wonderful family for not holding a grudge on her. Your ex girlfriend on the other hand, has an issue about it because it probably made her feel insecure and uncomfortable when in your ex wife's presence.
2006-10-03 10:20:53 · answer #5 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At first I thought it was abnormal but when I entered my Husband's Family, I noticed that they very much keep in touch with the ex's and even invite them over to their houses but except on Holidays because they feel that it should only be kept amongst current members. But, the reason for keeping in touch is because those Ex's had children with one of their relatives. So basically they keep it civil and connected for that reason only. I guess they figure if they are nice and pleasant to the parent, they will see their relatives more often. On the other hand, I think it's wrong to invite them to Holiday functions because that she be kept amongst immediate family and could cause the "New One" to feel uncomfortable, jealous and hurt which is completely understandable.
2006-10-03 10:13:05 · answer #6 · answered by Yahoo Anwers 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should both be commended for being grown up enough to still get along. My husbands ex has been here to pick up the kids over the years, and we've gone to Karaoke together, had BB Q's etc.
I can't say that we are good friends because she is very different, so I cannot trust her. I'm not going to put her down or judge her just because she was his ex.
We choose not to fight (as in keep grudges) and be bitter for the sake of the kids and rest of the family. We have had a few arguments, but patched it up and basically just try to talk it out.
Oh and her new hubby is friends with us now as well. Some people don't understand it and do call it weird, but who cares?
What is most important in life is what's in YOUR heart, not everyone else's that tries to judge you. It's always better and less stressful to get along than to waste good energy fighting all the time. :)
And as for inlaws, all of ours still accept both of them into their family. We all get together for Christmas. The CHILDREN benefit from it. The ADULTS are the ones with the problems.
.
2006-10-03 10:08:10 · answer #7 · answered by SweetPea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When we divorce a spouse do we have to divorce the who;e family? I have a great relationship with my ex father inlaw, we have become great friends and I am always invited to family get togethers, holidays and such, my ex is also welcome at my family's gatherings. We divorced each other not the entire family.
As a matter of fact if I ever marry again I want my ex to give me away. ( wont that be fun?)
2006-10-03 10:16:36 · answer #8 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you have a child, you are bound to this woman for life. Your family may be extending a hand as a way to keep things easier for the child, which is commendable. Or they may simply be friends with your ex. If everyone keeps things civil, and there are no hard feelings on your part, then the new girlfriend needs to follow that example.
2006-10-03 10:01:20 · answer #9 · answered by Milana P 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the family. My parents are divorced and my dad is welcomed at most of the family events that my mom holds. I also think it depends on how the divorce was handled, if it was a "nasty" divorce or was it a somewhat "calm" divorce.
I think with having a child it is somewhat normal (esp. if the child is young) to have the Mom around for special events, for the child's sake.
But then again I am speaking from experience, I'm not sure how "normal" my experiences were lol.
2006-10-03 10:07:56 · answer #10 · answered by Maggie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋