he wont marry me!!?

Question

i have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, one beauiful 2 year old son and are buying a house together but he wont marry me. He says maybe in the future but not yet. He says why change things. It means i lot to me.

has he met the right true love.... he is mine so why not get married hey

any thoughts

Answer 1

Some guys are simply afraid of this concept of marriage. It seems like you're too far in it to back out. I'd stay with him without getting married. Marriages are overrated, just be happy together.

Don't tell him too often that he is yours. That sounds pretty posessive and maybe this is why he's opposing the marriage in the first place.

The only real function of marriage that is really worth the trouble is legal papers regarding the communal property. If he is not marrying you, make sure you do the papers on the house (and other communal property) in such a way that you get the half in case of separation. I know too many women who were left hight and dry after separation or death of the BF. BF died, house was in his name, his family gets to keep the house. Protect yourself financially, the rest of the marriage is just a theatrical effects that one can totally live without.

Answer 2

Why should he feel a need to marry just cause you do? He has a right not to do so doesnt he? I mean, just cause you want to doesnt carry any more weight then his not wanting to does it? Next, you all have been playing married so why do you now need the approval and paper? After all, the not being really married didnt stop either of you from having a kid or buying a house or playing married in any other way now did it? So what is the deal now? As to the he is mine. What, you own him now? I bet is a man would say that, you would hit the roof like most women would. No, you dont own him for he is not your property deary.

Answer 3

He says why change things? Isn't buying a house changing things. What happens if you fall out and want off the deed. Guess what, no go. the courts view you as just friends. Marriage gives you specific legal rights when buying real estate. There is NO WAY you should ever buy a house with someone who you are not married to. But then you should not have children with guys you aren't married to either.

Answer 4

Girlfriend hear this you guys should have been married before buying any house together because if you can not get married to you now why will he later what, does this make sense to you because right now you living together and things are working out ok and am sure deep down you know that something is not right by he saying that he not ready to marry. do not stay and let him use you and in the end he gets married to someone else.

Answer 5

I have been there. Men are strange my dear. My stepdad wouldnt marry my mother until 15 years into the relationship. They lived together and shared everything...come to find out that he viewed marraige as a black hole to hell..?? Theyre married now, but it took a lot of therapy! I know, strange. My husband didnt want to get married either. Our daughter was 9 mos old when suddenly during Christmas shopping in Vegas we eloped. Here is the kicker...I HATED not being married! I felt like he was telling me I was good enough to screw, but not good enough to marry, I felt hurt and angry much of the time and got pretty obsessive about it. I never really told him how much marriage meant to me or that (derr) it was a WAY bigger commitment to have a kid than to get married, so why wouldnt he?

Ultimately, My husband married me a second time on our 1 year anniversary in front of everyone and we did the whole formal thing. He probably will never know how much it destroyed me to be rejected like that and I dont think I will ever fully recover from it. But It was really my own fault. Instead of whining about it, I should have told him how I felt then instead of 4 years later. He feels really guilty now and swears he had no idea I wanted it that bad. Im a "roll with the punches" kindof chick, but I suggest you tell him quick that its not cool and you're feeling hurt. Men dont have a clue about marriage or its impact on women.

Answer 6

He doesn't want to marry you. Get over it. It's your move now - accept things as they are, or hit the road and look for someone who wants a real family. Nagging him about it will only make things worse. IMO, it's a mistake to be buying a house when you can't even agree on such an important decision as marriage. There's nothing bad about living together as a couple (without getting married), it only becomes a problem when the two partners disagree on the matter. If marriage is important to you, I recommend reconsidering this relationship, because you most likely will NOT get what you want out of this guy.

Answer 7

Sweetie I feel u!!! I'm in the same boat, been with my guy for almost 5, have been best friends since the age of 9! I have kids but not from him, he has never been married and doesn't have kids, at one point long ago like when we were just friends he stated that some day he would want to marry me, if things didn't work out with my kids father, well they didn't we broke up after 11 yrears and we found ourselves falling love with eachother, him first then me, he kept his feelings inside for years! But now that we are together living separately he says marriage isn't necessary! He claims if it ain't broke don't fix it! It's just a piece of paper he says!!! I'm dealing with it for now until I've had enough, when I decide i'm done he's either gotta marry me or just leave me alone! His views are being met but mine aren't! It's not fair at all!!! My kids simply love him!!! Get back to me, let me know how u feel!! ???

Answer 8

Couples counseling! You need it. You have different expectations of this relationship. You want to be married. (BTW did you have the baby because you thought it would force the issue?) It sounds like yr bf wants to keep his options open in case someone better comes along. Why he's doing this, I don't know and it doesn't matter.
Get a lawyer. You need to have a legal agreement about the house and, more important, about your son's future. Spell out the financial responsibilities and visitation, etc. in case of separation. You are not married to this man, you are business partners. Act like it. Protect yourself and your son.

Answer 9

He is scared of commitment. He should of thought about that one before he got you pregnant. He is afraid of change. He does not want to give 50 percent of his stuff if the marriage does not work out. I don't think he is using you just in case he has not found the right one because he would of already left you and not be thinking of getting a house for you and your son. Talk to him and tell him how important it is that you want to marry him.

Answer 10

This isn't the 50's anymore!!!! You had a child with him without being married, your buying a house together......what else do you need to see that he loves you! Maybe you stressing on it so hard is scaring him. And with the divorce rate these days I wouldn't want to be a man giving up everything I have accomplished.
If you want the financial benefits then file for common law! If its not monetary then explain to him why its so important and LISTEN to his feedback with an open mind!