Why do I choose the wrong ones?

Question

I've had three relationships in my life.

The first lasted for 11 years - I thought i loved him, wanted commitment then we fell out of love while I waited.

No 2. lasted for 3 years - i thought i loved him, but he was too emotionally attached to his ex-wife & i again got bored with waiting. As soon as I ended it, he got a divorce, sorted his life out, but i'd lost my feelings for him by then.

No. 3 has lasted 3 years too - but may have ended tonight. I feel as though i'm wasting my life with him! I love him to bits, and still fancy him but he too seem scared of committment. He's been here, at my house for most of the last two years, maybe stayed at home 5 times in total, but he won't officially move in.....

Where am i going wrong? Why do i seem to be good girlfriend material but nothing else?

And before the horrible people start, i'm not emotional, i'm not clingy, i'm very laid back, good looking, slim and fun to be with........... No nasty answers please!

Answer 1

It's hard to know what to say! Maybe you have just been unlucky.
You have had relationships that last more than some marriages so you haven't done that bad.
It would have been worse if you had gone thru 3 divorces instead.
I have just come thru one myself and I can tell you I will never get married again!!!!!
Good luck and just how good looking are you??? LOL...

Answer 2

Not a good track record. 11 years, you should have known after year one if this person was right for you. The others seems like these individuals had a lot of drama going on in their lives. Always stay away from drama, it leads to just what you have experienced. Have you every dated a guy that did not have ex-wives or have committement issues? Look at the choices that you are making in picking a relationship. My advice, take a step back from all of your relationships and find out what you want and only deal with those that are on the same page. Being alone during this time can help you see things a little clearer.

Answer 3

Very good question and glad you're thinking about all this. Kinda wonder if you've thought about standards and what you expect out of a guy? Is it possible that you choose guys that are unavailable (either emotionally or relationally) on purpose? I've heard folks who've worked on this problem say that they have a built-in radar for a "type" (which could be "unavailable", "immature," "alcoholic," "adult child of an alcoholic" etc. etc. Scary isn't it? Something to think about is to set up standards for guys and test the guy against the standards as you get acquainted. Avoid the third degree, intense questioning, but include goals, aims, plans, children, and thoughts about commitment in the get-acquainted process. You sound like a peach to me. (That's a good thing.)

Answer 4

Maybe you are to laid back and he should not have been allowed to stay the night so much. Let a man know when it has become both of your home. Don't let it be just his decision. I am not saying to wait until you are married to move a man in, but don't let him get to comfortable as in continuing to sample the milk without buying the cow or at least putting a down payment on it. It really sounds like you are an OK person, but you are putting to much on the table and letting them get very comfortable to all you offer. Take back and leave some space. Spend plenty of time together but know when it is too much. Men become upset when you pressure them into marriage, so draw back ( don't be quick to show them what all you can do. Keep your privacy and let them read you like mystery to find out what you want or have to offer. It will always make them come back to find out. Let them know when they begin to slowly creep in what they can do and can not do. You must always set boundaries otherwise wouldn't the players keep running.

Answer 5

I guess there are always times in our lifes when we say what do i do wrong, why cant i meet someone nice, why doesnt they love me the list is endless but thats life thats how it is and we learn from that.

Someone said to me when i broke up with the man i loved so much "The virtue of love is not loving the perfect person but loving the inperfect person in the right way. Love doesnt have any happy endings it just simply never ends".

I guess some people seem to search there whole life for that perfect partner but love will find you and yes sometimes it will work out and other times it will be hell and pain but enjoy the love enjoy everyday you have with someone because later on you wont get a second chance.

Keep your head up and dont forget that who ever he is will love you for you and you should love him for him.

Answer 6

it really is not any longer staggering, yet i don't have self belief that God created the international. i take advantage of the time period God because it really is appropriate to me, yet extremely, i stumble on it creates better confusion than some thing because human beings assume that i'm a christian because I say "God". in spite of the indisputable fact that, as far as being scared that i'd have picked the incorrect God, it really is not any longer a challenge. i'm confident it truly is a few thing an atheist would understand as you'd be stated to have an same worry. i'm no longer conserving you do, and maximum atheists would say that they don't. So if an atheist will be confident they are suited, then i will do an same component.

Answer 7

Perhaps you should accept what you have and not force the issue. there are two people in a relationship and they don't always want the same things. It's the things you want to do together that makes it special and accepting your partner as an individual is what makes you love him. Look at the positives in your relationship and if they outway the negatives then youre laughing. Good luck

Answer 8

i know your situation, my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 3 years and living together for around 2...we're great together, have lots of fun, fight, make up, the usual! well whenever the word "marriage" comes into play he hides his head as if no one can see him, then he wont have to answer to question, he's told me many times he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but not get married...that used to bother me alot and im still young, but what ive found is that more and more couples are together and "married" but bot legally...i know with my b/f its because of how his parents got divorced and he never saw his father and he doesnt want to make the same mistake...some guys need more time to "figure things out" or perhapse he's not sure on how you'll act if he wants to make the move...have you tried talking it over with him?

Answer 9

I have always been the same, I seem to think there right for me and then end up not being the one, you will soon find the right one and Im still hoping I do!

Answer 10

Love life is like a market too,you have to be smart,and don't sell your product cheap,and as you say you were giving yourself for free,they took and take advantage of you,be confident,date a man who is independent too like yourself!