Anyone who has had an affair. Why do so many people cheat on thier spouses?

Question

It seems that there are at least 100 posts a day. What are steps to take to avoid being sucked in?

I have never or will ever that is why I wonder.

Answer 1

Been the person to be cheated on and also a person who has cheated on someone. To be honest, I think the root of it all is due to one's selfishness. They put their own need before the needs of others and immediate gratification seems more important. I mean there is a world of reasons beyond this like someone getting revenge on a cheating spouse, someone just being drunk (and everyone says this is no excuse and I don't think its justified but people's inhibitions are lowered to an extent), not getting what they need physically or emotionally from the current relationship and once again seeking immediate gratification to boost their own selfesteem rather then just work on the relationship or leave, and then there are others who are just complete idiots. When push comes to shove it is the cheater thinking solely of themselves and being selfish and immature. Cheating is never justified in the extent of finding instant gratification or outside fullfillment at the expense of severely damaging others feelings and most likely causing a great amount of baggage ranging from trust issues to low self-esteem. I think in our society, with things like the media and such cheating has become more excusable and as much as I hate to say it quite frequent (unless past generations were just better at hiding it to meet the social stigmas of the time). I don't know but like I said being on both sides of this horrible and disgusting continuum, I have learned my lesson and I hope that if there are others who are doing this to someone, that they also get whats coming to them and eventually learn their lesson.

Answer 2

There are a couple of reasons:
some people do it because they got carried away and were pressured into the marriage and were not ready to settle down... some people describe it as bait and switch they thought they were getting one thing and it turned into another... some its the thrill of trying not to get caught... and some people let emotional attachements with others go too far.
some people just married the wrong person. It happens - very few marriages survive it and the it wont happen to be (either having an affair or your spouse) attitude is the worst cause it makes you easier prey. If its going to happen its going to happen the most you can do it communicate with your spouse and have an open relationship where you can talk about fantasies without judging

Answer 3

Even if you yourself don't cheat, there are no written-in-stone guarantees that your partner won't. The best guarantee is to make wise choices, and nurture your relationship with your partner. From what I've seen, people start looking elsewhere when something is not right in their main relationship. A short-term fix of an affair is a quick-and-dirty cop-out which does nothing to remedy the original problem. There are many temptations around us; everyone gets tempted at one point or another. Why some people give in and others don't probably depends on many factors.

Answer 4

I think people sheat because they are stupid sometimes. Some say they do it because the person they have a t home doesn't satify their needs. I think otherwise. Why mary someone you are not in love with? I cheated in the past for the stupidest reason. I had a problem sexually. My BF couldn't make me have an orgasm so- i went t o look for it somewhere else. I didn't find what i was looking for but surely screwed up my own relationship over something stupid. People cheat i think because of the adrenaline of doing what's wrong. Adrenaline of kissing new lips and making love to a whole new body, new person, new everything.

Answer 5

I have not had an affair, but the reason why people do it is because no one thinks that marriage takes effort. People just assume that it just happens on its own. My hubby and I have stupid little fights all the time and just sit down and talk it out instead of letting it get in the way of our relationship. I try to tell my hubby to keep the love making different, to surprise me with flowers sometimes. He got me the margaritas I like last night. I get him beer, so when he comes home and opens the fridge, SURPRISE!! 12 pack!! One sweet couple told me something and I'll never forget them or what they told me. They said "you do something to make your spouse happy. So in turn, they do something to make you happy. So on and so forth." People stray because they stop trying. Your spouse will change, but so will you. Love and marriage is work, give and take. Come home with flowers and a card for no particular ocasion, just because. Make him brownies one night. With my hubby, a way to that mans hart IS through his stomach. I cook him good meals cause I know how much he loves to eat, in turn, he cleans the dishes for me. It's also about compromise and sacrifice. You've got to meet your spouse in the middle, and so do they, cause once it stops, no one is motivated to do all the compromising if the other isn't.

Answer 6

sex is a large portion of a marriage. You have to have a strong sexual relationship. People get into these ruts where they say sex doesnt matter. But it truely does. Most woman don't see that and they play if off as gross or perversion. Woman need to understand to be more bold in their relationship and to know that just because they are the woman doesnt mean they can't be aggresive in the bedroom.

I think most spouses cheat because their other become boring or not interested.

Remember to a have a strong relationship you must have a strong sexual relationship as well.

Answer 7

Some people cheat because they're having problems at home and it can be any kind of problem...from lack of intimacy, attention, constant fighting to lack of sex. These problems usually stems from a break down of proper communication and compromising. Marriage is work. If u want to keep it together, u both must learn to uphold your marriage vows and each put in 100% of the effort to make it work, everyday, for the rest of your married life together.

Answer 8

Usually one or both in the relationship get complacent and begin wondering if they can even feel (wether it be good feelings or bad). So they start looking elsewhere for that thrill that once captivated them when they were with their partner. They think they can only achieve it by another person. These are the type of people who rely on someone else for their happiness. That is why people need to be confident and secure. Those who are not tend to go looking for it in another persons bed.

Answer 9

Alot of times, it isn't the other persons fault. It's something that the cheater has going on in his/ her head and is dealing with personally. Maybe they are insecure or maybe they do it to protect their own feelings. Sometimes the cheater may have been hurt in the past by that person and is a way of seeking revenge. It all varies and there is really no way you can cure a person from cheating. They are going to do it as long as they want to and stop when they are ready.

Answer 10

Because they are not getting the attention they need from their man or woman. If your spouse acts like she could take you or leave you they more than likely have some one else lined up if not all ready.