I found out my husband cheated on me. When I first found out I just packed up my things and left with our daughter. I didnt talk to him much the first month after i left but my daughter started asking about her daddy. He started calling asking about her when he could see her ect. Well I took her over to the house and he looked totally lost. I have talk to mutual friends of ours and mostof them say how bad he feels about what happened between us that he wants his family back that he made the biggest mistake of his life. We have talked alot lately since we split and I know that I still love him and I believe that he is sorry for what he has done but in my heart do I want to go back to someone that betrayed me. We have been together 4 1/2 years been married 3 and have a 2 1/2 year old daughter.
2006-10-03 09:17:12 · 23 answers · asked by Chelle 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can give him ONE chance. It must come with some limits.
He must explain why he did this. If he does not recognize why he did then he won't be able to recognize the signs. Second he must tell you it will never happen again. Third he must detail what will will happen to him if he ever does this again. What he's willing to give up if he gets caught being stupid again, house , support, the cars whatever. If you believe he is sorry and he won't do it again give him another chance. Do not let him forget how much hurt he inflicted. Eventually it will pass. You can get by this and may be stronger.
Good Luck
BTW The once a cheater, always a cheater crowd makes me ill.
It totally discounts that people can recognize a big mistake
and correct their behavior. This seems to be the mantra of
the people without marriage or children experience.
2006-10-03 10:00:02 · answer #1 · answered by Flagger 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That depends, nobody who answer this question will be able to give you a "best" answer because we don't know your circumstances - your life but:
1) Your reaction may have been justified, you were hurt, very much.
2) How old is your daughter? Did you explain to her why you left with her?
3) You may still love him but why do you think he cheated on you to start? We can say there is no excuse for his actions but is he unhappy about something?
4) How is the communication and sex life in your marriage?
5) Have you guys received professional and/or spiritual help?
6) Don't give up on your marriage just yet, it may be very hard to forgive him and you may never be able to forget what happened however, if he is TRULY sorry and you are BOTH willing to work and save your marriage - give it one more chance.
7) If he does not love you anymore, if you cannot forgive him, if you cannot work things out then it's better to go on your separate ways and don't make your daughter suffer more but talk to him, REALLY talk to him and seek guidance.
2006-10-03 09:27:16 · answer #2 · answered by nowhere 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what you want to do at this point. You are hurt and confused and probably wondering if you could ever trust that person again. Your ego's bruised and perhaps wondering why??? why your husband did what he did. I don't think there is any reason for that. Some people are wired to do so. Some may think about cheating, but never be able to act on it. Then there are people who never ever even dream of cheating. I personally don't believe in going back for children's sake. But if you prefer go back to someone who once betrayed you (and hopefully he never betrays you again), rather than starting all over again with random a stranger... it is understandable. It is hard to forgive someone and forget the event that caused you pain. But you need to move on...either way.
2006-10-03 09:32:53 · answer #3 · answered by just a girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its too bad you have a daughter involved.I did leave my husband when he cheated and my son was 9 .I raised a fine son now 20 and grad frm college in a yr.Its hard to have all the responsibilty of your daughter to yourself .I did forgive the first time he cheated then he did it again 14 yrs later when I was 40.So you want to get out while your young its harder when your older .If you were my daughter Id say leave him for good he is bad and it will happen again.They all feel bad and say the right things .You can let him have visitation ect....But get out now ,dont waste your life on a bad person you deserve loyalty.ps I dont trust any man on cheating ,it can happen so easy .I never really love all the way anymore with complete trust ! I think you will be the same!
2006-10-03 09:27:26 · answer #4 · answered by jessy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't be so quick to take him back. The cheating was only a symptom of something that was wrong with the relationship. What has really changed? Other than him being really sorry? Before getting back together, you should both go to couples counseling to find out how to make the relationship better. Can you really trust him or is he just saying whatever it takes to get you and your child back?
You could forgive him but, in the back of your mind, you will always question him and whether he is cheating again? Good luck!
2006-10-03 09:51:36 · answer #5 · answered by cee cee 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, I guess you have to look to your heart. Don't listen to other people, only you know what you are willing to live with or not.
Being cheated on makes you feel worthless, like you weren't worth enough to be the only one.
Are you willing to forgive him completely and trust him again? Without that act, you will not be able to build on the foundation of memories you already have.
You have to ask yourself, what happened to him that he chose to do such a selfish act? Why would he jeopardize his entire life and yours and your daughters? If the answer is simply because he's horny, then you should just carry on with your life. There are other triggers for it as well though and most often than not, alcohol was involved.
Look inside yourself to find the answers because you should not sacrifice your happiness or sense of security. You can only look out for you and even though you probably still love him, you have to ask yourself some serious questions and deal with what has happened to your relationship.
2006-10-03 12:53:00 · answer #6 · answered by Candace Rideout 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The ball is in your court. Do you want back in this marriage? If so you need to work at it BOTH OF YOU. The problem that you really have to look at is can you really accept his apologies and move on, or will this be a sore spot the rest of the marriage.
Either way I wish you the best of luck in your decision, it is not an easy one by any means, or should it be made in haste or based on opinions here on this site. The decision is YOURS! which is why I am wishing you luck.
2006-10-03 09:45:53 · answer #7 · answered by ferretcoach 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually if they get away with it (you take them back) they do it again. I found the following questions (from Dr. Phil) & hope it will be as helpful to you as it was to a friend of mine.
1. Is this an isolated event or a pattern?
2. Does your partner own his bad behavior or make excuses for it?
3. Does he have insight into how he's hurt you or is he oblivious?
4. Is he sorry for his choice or sorry he got caught?
5. Is he willing to clean up his act, or is he in denial?
6. Is this out of character or does he have an insensitive gene?
7. Is this a legacy or new behavior?
The previous seven questions you ask of your partner. One major question you have to ask of yourself is: If you reinvested in this relationship and allowed yourself to trust, and your partner cheated, do you have the depth and strength to recover from it, or would you be emotionally bankrupt?
2006-10-03 09:27:26 · answer #8 · answered by Dee 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He cheated… again
The first time a significant other cheats is usually a good time to head for the exit, but while it takes a lot of healing and rebuilding of trust, there are relationships that are capable of surviving infidelity. A second indiscretion, however, leaves no grey area. Even if it were never to happen again, you’re either committing yourself to a sentence of distrust and suspicion or compromising a substantial level of your self-respect by staying with him. If you know he’s strayed again—even if it was only a kiss, even if he’s truly, completely and excruciatingly sorry—it’s over. And if it’s you whose attention has wandered, it’s time to admit that this isn’t working for you. When you cheat on a loved one you cheat yourself of a partnership that is whole and honest; you’re better off looking for someone who can hold all of your attention.
2006-10-03 09:29:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wouldnt give up to quickly. My bf did something similar to me. He found her over the internet and she lived in our town. We were having problems at the time. It got so bad that we couldnt take the fighting all the time so I moved out for a day or so and in that time he met up with her. We are still together and sometimes it is hard but when you love someone you cant just look at it as he's a cheater but you need to look at all aspects of it.
2006-10-03 09:23:57 · answer #10 · answered by Erin 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋