Men's rules?

Question

I think this may have well been in Answers already but good enough to put in again.

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Libex87 - I have to admit to being a woman and that I just found this hilarious which is why I put it in! I can relate my husband to most of it! So I am afraid I can only guess the reason they all all no1 is that they are all of equal importance to a guy!

Answer 1

ur very good at this lol made me laugh and me nan and me mum lol

Answer 2

Great, now, let me make the womens rules,

1. Pick up your freakin clothes or no football.
2. Act like a human being and we'll treat you like one.
3. Most sports you like suck.
4. We don't care who won the game, or how many beers you drank last night with out getting drunk.
5. The bathtub is in the bathroom, go find it.
6. It's better to have alot of clothes than to wear the same stupid thing everyday.
7. Don't mess with me, I workout alot more than you do.
8. Nurti-System for men, call them. The gym is apparently too far to go.
9. Cook your own dinner if you can't help with the dishes.
10. What you wear when we go out isn't acceptable, go change.
11. When we ask a question, ANSWER! Or we'll poke you in the face with a sortering iron.(Joe Dirt)
12. We will talk to you whenever we want, even during the playoff's.
13. You have enough shoes, they just all stink.
14. If you can't see peach, go get your eyes checked.
15. Sure you don't need directions, that's because we tell you where to go.
16. I don't want you to act like a soap opera guy, act like a real man.
17. Sure you're round, as a teletubby.
18. We want the toilet seat down, that way the smell dosen't drift everywhere, unlike you, we don't want to drink or smell the toilet water.
19. If we want you to do something, and we tell you how to do it, it means you don't know how to do it.
20. Your words have one meaning, and one meaning only.
21. You said that yesterday, you just don't remember it.
22. Sure, yes and no answer questions, they also answer the question, Do you want a divorce? Yes? Good!
23. The only headache I have is you.
24. Crying isn't blackmail, it's feelings. We just express them in an emotional way, instead of getting drunk and puking them out.
25. Sunday sports, OUTLAWED!
26. If we think we're fat and you don't answer, then it means your thinking, "Yeah, your fat, but I'm ALOT fatter"
27. Sure, you don't have any sympathy, that's why we don't either. From now on, don't eat, because I don't have sympathy for the fact that you're hungry.
28. Shopping is more of a sport than football.

Last, I don't even know why I'm typing all of this. I would never date or marry a guy that was like a soap opera, that is round, or watched sports all day. I want a real man, your rules are for boring old men, not bad boys.

Answer 3

Nice, I only have a problem with rules 1, 1, 1, and let's see 1, oh yeah did I forget to mention 1? But seriously its a nice compilation, though it seems more like for humor than seriousness so I hope no one gets offended.

Answer 4

seen these before. But still a good read.

I love the Men vs woMen debates, and the blonde vs Brunette debates. So fun to read and entertaining.

I just find it silly and... well, stupid when people take offense at such obvious comedy. I mean, yes a few men out there will live by these rules. but on the other hand you will have a few woMen who live by the woMen's rules as well.


lilbex87: they are all numbered one because they are all of the utmost importance.

Answer 5

Finally a written guide to explain what guys are about. Heres another 1.

Don't ask if we think another girl is hot, we're probably thinking she is, and if we say no, we're most likely lying.

Answer 6

1.I'll do it later. maybe not today, not tomorrow, but I will get it done.

1. WOW is not just a game. It's another form of sports. you just won't understand.

1. "well, all the other husband's take their wives out for dinner!" yeah. not every weekend!

Answer 7

You know why women want the seat down? Because with our tiny bladders, we go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
If you'd just once fall down with your butt immersed in a bowl full of cold toilet water, you'd start wanting the seat down, too.

Answer 8

If you request that my shoes match my panties, I do not have enough shoes. As I dress like a victoria secret model except when I am doing your home repairs and yard work I expect you to look like a soap opera hunk.....ok maybe not...I really don't like them....dr mcdreamy will work though! Round is not a shape that is acceptable for the male form except for the head of your penis...its not acceptable for me either....except your favorite parts including my hips. If absolutely anything I wear is fine, why do you get pissed when I go out with the girls in a short skirt? Did you want me to surprise you at work for lunch in paint covered grundgies or that cute little number you saw in the window last week when we were going to the mall for your plasma screen tv???? The one you will watch Sunday football on....if I ask to give you head on a commercial, do I have to wait for next one? Oh, and if it itches, I will scratch it for you.

Anything else?

Answer 9

Just because they are men's rules doesn't mean that the are the right rules.

Answer 10

The real answer to the 'hint' situation is." The only hint a man understands is' Buy me this or die!'

Answer 11

Just what I needed. I have just read them to my wife and everything is now completely sorted between us. funny if only it was that simple, ive got a feeling she's compiling her own special list especially for me.