It's only once or twice a week, but I get the feeling she is not into me as much as I am into her. What can I do to bring her around?
2006-10-03 08:37:21 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Talk to her..comunicate...!
2006-10-03 08:39:13 · answer #1 · answered by mada m 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
For women, the sex act is more than just a quick unloading of sexual tension. It is more a an emotional/spiritual connection, so they need more than the roll in the sack to be satisfied.
She is probably feeling violated, in that it is not meeting HER needs, only your own, so she is submitting merely out of a sense of "wifely duties", so you will have less of an excuse to look elsewhere.
What she may need, is a more complete package: the sense that she is loved, needed & valued for more than a place to deposit your semen at night--though your frequency is much less than that. Try "sugaring"; that is, romancing her, like you did when you first dated her. There is some emotional need not being met here, or possibly it is your seduction techniques, but probably not.
There are probably cute little things you can do to warm her heart towards you (hopefully, she will not assume you are just up to something, like an affair, and are just feeling guilty): flowers for no reason; secret love notes (even in an e-mail); warm, gentle hugs & kisses that are obviously not meant to lead to sexual activity; thoughtful gifts, that are not necissarily expensive (or sexy), but remind her just how much you know her, and how intimate the two of you are; sweet compliments over simple things; volunteering to take care of some task she would otherwise have to do, or you know she has been wanting to have you finally get done; going out on "dates"--just the two of you, doing things she really enjoys; but most of all, just checking into seeing what it is that she really wants, and what turns her on (and not just sexually), and what her hopes & dreams are--but promise nothing you are not prepared to deliver.
If none of that works, you may want to check into councelling, to have a third party help to sort out what is wrong or missing.
But the main thing to remember, is that for women, intimacy is not just sexual; and if other types of intimacy are not part of the relationship, the sexual part is pretty empty for her.
Lots of luck...
2006-10-03 15:58:45 · answer #2 · answered by Howie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what, if anything can bring her around. But I think I understand how she is feeling. I've been together with my partner for 4.5 years and up until maybe a year ago I always felt what I could only describe as "violated" after sex. Not physically like he forced himself on me. But it somehow felt...wrong but I really don't know why. I still don't really look him in the eye when we are in the act and that should be an indication of you know what...
Perhaps she doesn't feel the same way about you as you feel about her? I would just talk to her and ask her to be open and honest about the issue. Don't pressure her during the conversation, don't put words in her mouth and don't please don't ridicule her. Just listen to her and let her know that you care about her and that you would like to be on the same page. Good luck.
2006-10-03 15:52:07 · answer #3 · answered by october g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LISTEN TO THIS.....
I am almost 100% sure that what she is saying is not what she really means. What she isn't telling you is that something is triggering her memory either something someone has done to her in her past or something she has witnessed is now being brought into the bedroom and affecting her while you two are supposed to be making love. It has nothing to do with you. She loves you she married you. I would ask her why she might be feeling this way and if she proposes not to speak of it you should just hold her and reassure her that your not just there to get a NUT off. Make romance with your wife even if it means holding back your release. Maybe something is happening in your relationship right now that makes her feel disconnected to you. Seek and ye shall find.
2006-10-03 16:01:49 · answer #4 · answered by damienswife52805 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Violated? Sorry to hear that! Sounds like (a) she is just not into you any more, or (b) she has been raped in the past, or she is being forced in having sex with someone close to her and is being treatened not to say anything about it. This maybe her way of trying to tell you what is going on. Look harder at her emotion when around some friends or even family members.
2006-10-03 15:56:24 · answer #5 · answered by lifescircle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she says she feels violated then maybe you should find out what you're doing to make her feel that way!!! I'm not saying you're a bad guy, I'm just saying find out why she feels that way!!! I was "taken advantage of only a year ago and sometimes I get flash backs and I can't have sex with my boyfriend although it's not him or anything that he doing to bring it up I still think about it every now and again!! So just find out what you can do to make her feel safer, just don't take it personally!! Hey it could be as simple as you're being to rough with her, I had that problem at one point!!!
2006-10-03 15:51:12 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs. EV 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's normal if she's just not in the mood. Maybe she has a low sex drive. But if she's telling you she feels violated, well that's not normal. Try talking to her about why she feels this way.... maybe something in her past makes her associate sex with violation. If so, you should probably try couples therapy to work through the issues.
2006-10-03 15:40:40 · answer #7 · answered by *Logan's Mommy* 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow...now's a good time for a divorce or some therapy. The first step might be to stop having sex with her, ask her what the problem is and what she thinks can be done about it. Ask her what she wants in bed.
If none of it works and you don't want a divorce, get yourself a girlfriend on the side. The key here is not to have sex with unwilling women.
2006-10-03 15:40:36 · answer #8 · answered by Alex G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You probably need to be a little more gentle with her. She may have been abused in some way a long time ago. So it would be in both of your best interest to discuss this matter. I don't want to rain on your parade but there could also be that chance of her losing interest. Try and be fashionable about it and see what it is that bothers her about your encounters and what would make her relaxed and at ease.
2006-10-03 15:46:24 · answer #9 · answered by skawp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something is really wrong with that picture.
I watched Oprah last night and she had a woman on there her husband said the same thing that you are, well to sum it all up she was gay and didn't want to except it.
Or you have done something to turn her off from you. Maybe cheated???
Or is she cheating???
Speaking from experience when a woman is turned off by someone, no matter what causes her not to enjoy you, it will never be the same for her. She will almost always fake it from that point out. And that is only if she want to continue with your relationship for other reasons. kids, money, support, etc....
2006-10-03 15:50:17 · answer #10 · answered by Ms T in GI 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OMG that is so odd. You need to sit down and have a talk with her. Sex is a main part of marriage. before yall have sex does she want too? You gotta ask your self that sometimes a woman needs her space. but this is pretty odd. just sit and talk and ask her what it is that makes her feel violated. goodluck
2006-10-03 15:41:49 · answer #11 · answered by Alisha B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋