Not much SEX in my marriage, What's up?

Question

I've been married more than 9 years i am 31 my wfe 29. On the average i get laid Once (1) YES i SAID Once A MONTH. I've told her that I need it or I'll get it somewhere else, (I've got options) But I don't want to do that. I have been very patient but I don't know If I could take this anymore. She says that it's not me that It's her but she never seems to want to do any thing about it. I've bought vibrators,toys,creams,flavored lube but she does'nt really get into it. ANY ADVICE?

Answer 1

you should have stayed single then.

Answer 2

Perhaps you could try a second honeymoon with her. Do you have children? Sometimes having children can hurt the mood with women. It happens to men as well. She may be suffering from post pardom blues. After her most recent child. I would help to find someone help with the kids once or twice a week to help give her a break and you could get her out of the house some. Take her to dinners, the movies, maybe some dancing and a few drinks and just feel like you did when you were dating before you got married and before the child/children. I am positive she loves you, she just needs a little one on one with you away from the house and seeing how she is 29 and you are 31, perhaps you both need to be reminded that you are STILL young and a very VIBRANT couple full of life. Blessed be.

Answer 3

No matter what she says, it has something to do with you. One of the first things that probably needs to go is you telling her you've got options. Women, especially the married ones, tend to dislike this kind of thing. Also, not everyone is into the crap that you bought. If this has been going on for 9 years, there's something definitely wrong. If this just started now, think back of any or all changes that could've happened. Did you change and she's not diggin' it? Did she have kids, gained weight and doesn't feel attractive anymore?
I'm in the same boat, and telling her or myself that I have options is never going to get me anywhere good, so I've spent the past year working on myself, excercising, improving myself, etc. If all fails, then at least I know I better off for it, but something tells me that for every one there's an individual solution somewhere out there.

Answer 4

Dude, sounds like you have the average wife to me. You could show her that you do have more options then she wants to think. To cheat on her would be wrong, no excuses. Talking to her will be pointless cause a woman usually doesnt care what or how you feel. They also dont usually care if they are wrong or acting improperly. Just how 90 % of them are dude.

Best I can tell you is that you are not dealing with anything different then so many married men are. Sure how it appears from what I hear and read anyway.

Anyway, out of bed you can treat her the same way that she is treating you in bed. Have no interest in her needs or wants or desires. When she wants to talk with you about them, pay no attention to her, give her some lame excuse such as a headache or you are tired or dont feel like it, etc., simply avoid the conversation, give her a blank look or better yet, tell her that there is no problem to start with, it is just in her head. Then ask her is all she cares about is (whatever the applicable item is) Use the same junk she uses and beat her at it.

Maybe one day men will realize never to marry. I will suggest that you use the time to visit NOMARRIAGE.COM and also to warn younger non married men about women and married life.

LASTLY, KEEP A LOG OF HOW OFTEN YOU WANT TO AND ASK HER TO AND WHAT SHE SAYS, DOES ETC. NOTE EVERYTHING IN YOUR DAILY LIFE, but dont let her know it. You see, chances are, at some point she will want a divorce anyway, so you may as well be able to show firsthanded how she acts daily. Women forget that they can be sued for divorce on the grounds of not having sex, as long as you document your case well.

Answer 5

Joey, maybe she does not want SEX, maybe she wants you to make love to her...If she is awake in the morning, put your hands on her hips, kiss her lips, tell her how beautiful she is, squeeze her butt on your way out the door... Maybe twice during the day, call her and just ask her what she is doing and tell her you are thinking about her and wish you did not have to be at work because you would rather have her in your arms. When you get home, look for her and go to where she is, come up behind her and kiss her on the neck, smell her and tell her how good she smells, kiss the neck again and smack her on the butt playfully and go change into your at home clothes. When you walk by her, touch her lightly and don't say anything...at some point, she is going to ask you what has gotten into you and all you need to say is that you have just really been missing her today... DO NOT be sexual in your touches, words or anything you say or do all day long, be loving, be attentive, but also mean it, don't fake it...If she does not make the first move that night, when you get to bed, tell her you would like to have a little light so you can see her eyes as you make love... Then what ever you do, do not just hop on and do your business, make it about her, make love to her, take your time, meet her needs and I promise she will meet yours....Good luck...

Answer 6

Are you buying the toys, creams, flavored lubes and stuff because she wants them or because you think she wants them. She may feel pressured by all of that. Maybe try more intimate contact (No I don't mean grab her @ss and boobs). Try cuddling more together without the expectation of sex. Just hold her and caress her. Tell her how beautiful she is and sexy. That all you think about at work is how much you love her. Basically start stroking her ego. A low self esteem is a hard thing to overcome, but it is doable. It takes patience and work. Don't threaten to "find it somewhere else" either. That will only make it worse. Try a little compassion and maybe it will to into passsion.

Answer 7

sorry guy! I know the feeling. I want it daily but he only gives it up about once every 6 weeks. Tell her you understand she doesn't want to have sex, but ask if she could instead help you get off. Maybe it will turn her on. If she flat out refuses.... I suggest you seek professional help. Cheating is never the answer. (on a side note..... When is the last time you told her she is beautiful and made her feel like the most special person in the world?)

Answer 8

I think that you are describing a conditions known as Inhibited sexual desire (ISD). The person with ISD fails to initiate or respond to their partner's desire for sexual activity.
Sometimes, rather than being inhibited, there may simply be a discrepancy in sexual interest levels between two partners, both of whom have interest levels within the normal range but once a month seem to be much less then normal.
Occasionally, someone may claim that his or her partner has ISD, when in fact they, them self, have hyperactive sexual desire and are very demanding sexually.
ISD is a very common sexual disorder. The most common cause of ISD seems to be relationship problems wherein one partner does not feel emotionally intimate or close to their mate.
Communication problems, health problems such as depression, insomnia, excessive stress.
Treatment is required by the professional therapist and it depends on the eliminating causes listed above.

Answer 9

Hey I feel your pain. I have been married 13 years my wife slowly quit having sex with me till its once every 2 months. This has been going on for almost 8 years. Recently she bagan treating me like a piece of crap. I finally got her into counseling and she admitted she is having an affair and does not like let alone love me anymore. I am filing for divorce later this week. I asked a coworker about sex in marriage and while her and her hubby still do it 3 times a week she has several friends (25-33) years old who say they dont care for sex but every month or so. Woman do this to us after we take a vow to be with them and only them. Then when we have enough and cheat they take all our money, retirement the house and kids. Its a conspiracy that girls are apparently taught at a young age. Actually I doubt that but I know more woman who dont want sex after marriage then woman who do at least sex with their spouse. Get to counseling before its too late if she wont go prepare for divorce its on its way. DO NOT CHEAT ON HER THOUGH>

Answer 10

have you tried romance??? I know that when you have been married a while you just assume that it will be there. Try taking her on a nice dinner... something fun. Get here out of the house...a weekend away maybe. Or on the other hand she might be having an affair... once a month is not normal.

Answer 11

She may have depression.. wouldn't hurt for her to go talk to someone... I've been married 19 1/2 years ,three to four times a week .... at least ....once a month is a shame.