My husband asked me a question last night that I really couldnt answer, My exboyfriend and I we hardly ever faught, And I was always trying so hard to make him proud, but with my husband we argue and he doesnt think i listen to him like I did my ex and I know thats true. but I dont really know why I love tony more than I ever loved jimmy, And I know that I mean the world to him he adores me. So why do I argue with him and why did I do so much to make jimmy proud of me was it because he expected more out of me, maybe its just that tony loves me the way that I am so I dont have to try to be someone i'm not, I'm afraid he thinks that its because jimmy was more important to me than he is or maybe I respected him more.
thats not it though I cant really explain it in words. hopefully someone here can help me out,
2006-10-03 07:09:24 · 12 answers · asked by rebeccaangel2004 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is b/c in the relationship you were in before this one you were trying way too hard to please him but mean while you learned that no matter what you did it didn't matter, you two split then you met your husband and so this time you are just going to be you, you already have him and to impress him, make him proud of you and to make him love you more you already know you need not, do any of that you already have and you two are married and he isn't going anywhere and neither are you so you have found a comfort zoneThe other guy - It was a relationship that you were learning from and you went above and beyond your means to prove your love to someone not worthy of it. This drains a person and we all do it. This happens and it is normal but as we grow we learn that it makes no difference what we do to please or make proud it is within the heart and acceptance and true love that really counts, if it is there it's there if it isn't well then it isn't! As we get older we also tend to be a bit more snappier then when we were younger b/c there is less time and not enough hours in the day so therefore you are probably just frustrated in your daily routines and agruing with your husband more then you would like so change the routine, make more time for yourself and you will feel more refreshed and ready to be more loving to hubby... Tell him you are sorry and he means the world to you and that you now see what you have to do to not argue with him as often as you have and that you will work on these things.... Take midol during PMS!!!! LOL it really does help and as we get older PMS seems to get worse at least it has for me!!! Good luck all will be well!
2006-10-03 07:36:50 · answer #1 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you including a 3rd person in your marriage? Never answer any questions about the EX. It is over and done with and you made your choice by marrying your husband. He is being childish. Nip this in the bud. You are a different person now then you were then. You are also older and undoubtedly your living situation is different. Often when we move on we tend to forget the difficulties we had with a past relationship and remember only the good.
I suspect your relationship with your ex wasn't all that great or you wouldn't have married someone else.
Your husbands imagination is running wild and he is acting insecure. Just reassure him of your love and demonstrate it thru actions. Other than that treat the Ex subject as a taboo one leading nowhere.
Make sure you are also not having contact with the ex as this will just serve to incite your husband to continue to be unreasonable.
Last but not least, if you have to then LIE and tell him anything he needs to hear to get him to feel that he is the superior male and then drop subject. He doesn't seem equipped emotionally to handle the truth.
2006-10-03 14:28:34 · answer #2 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like most women. You never truely love or appreciate a good man, especially when you have him as a husband.
Take me as I am is what you all say you want.
Show me love and care is what we hear from you all.
Dont expect me to change, is what you say.
Adore me and treat me well seems to be another thing you all expect.
And when you get those things, what do you do? You treat other men better then the man who gives you just what you want and ask for. Like I said, typical woman. And to be honest, I dont think your husband should listen to you either. If you wont listen, why should he. Next, if you cant put stuff into words, whats to do, read your tiny mind.
2006-10-03 14:27:53 · answer #3 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know its been said before but never bring an ex into the picture. Its not about your ex or about your relationship with him. Its about you and your husband. The key is communication and being able to understand each other. I would recommend an excellent book by Dr. Gary Chapman called the Five Love Languages. Good luck.
2006-10-03 23:01:29 · answer #4 · answered by rmpentecostal 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You live for any length of time with the boyfriend? How long have you lived with hubby? Being together in the same enviroment has a lot to do with it. Of course an open line of communication is a must. This appears to be lacking.
Hey...welcome to marraige. Think you can make it to 22 years like me (so far)?
2006-10-03 14:17:03 · answer #5 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
baby girl, break it down and make it simple. some people, in this case, jimmy. he's the one you feel connected and able to talk to and it's obvious that he's a good listener. with your husband, both of you need to listen to each other. don't cut each other sentences with talking or arguing. you both needs to go to counseling. otherwise, your marraige is heading down hill fast. if there is not a good communication and trust between you two. there will be a breaking point. and i don't think you want that.
2006-10-03 14:18:33 · answer #6 · answered by harmony 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You simply fight more because you love each other more
and the two of you are afraid that if you dont let out the arguments in the early stages, it will build up and the result wont be great.
2006-10-03 14:14:04 · answer #7 · answered by Jon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well we fight with the one we love the most for example did you ever had a fight with your sis or bro if yes it was bcz of the love and with your ex bf you were scared for losing him so you try your best and did everything you could to make him happy but with your husband you know he love you and will never leave you so your comfortable around and your yourself with him
2006-10-03 14:17:50 · answer #8 · answered by maya 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to learn how to treat him better and appreciate the love he has for you. That's if you really love him.
If he treats you with respect, do the same.
2006-10-03 14:13:30 · answer #9 · answered by cuteboymom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NEVER EVER EVER COMPARE YOUR HUSBAND TO YOUR EX...ITS THE WORSTE THING YOU CAN DO TO A SPOUSE
2006-10-03 14:13:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋