Hi been maried 22 yrs a born again Christian never been with another women since we have been married. She is a controlling person and very jealous cannot watch TV (even a commercial). Even going throught a Tim Hortons drive thru I get accused. She as always been like it in the last couple years there where times she go weeks without letting me in the bed with her. In that time I got into watching porn a bad mistake as an husband and a born again Christian. Right now I am living in hell, she caught me like 8 months ago and still brings it up about the porn. I want and need to leave but I am so mixed with so many emotions about doing the right thing. Someone please comment on this for me. I have 3 Kids ages 16 18 21 so they know what is going on and understands if I want to leave even her own friends tells me that I should leave. Do I need a bomb Please help
2006-10-03 07:04:17 · 17 answers · asked by alpha 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Her jealousy is her feeling insecure. She probably has low self esteem for whatever reason. (If it's true that you haven't cheated.)
Maybe you should try some counselling before you break-up. Especially if you have a family. You owe it to eachother to try everything you can. You made a commitment to eachother that shouldn't be taken lightly. It would be nice if you two could find some way to bring back trust and the spark in your relationship that you must have had at one time.
Good Luck!
2006-10-03 07:14:30 · answer #1 · answered by miss_nursie_nurse 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU both definitely need counseling, There is usually a couple reasons why a partner would be extremely jealous. The first is pretty obvious, you cheated and that is why she is so insecure. We know you have not cheated! Quit beating yourself up ( no pun intended) over the porn, man is not God and there for you are human and have human needs and urges. If she can't stop bringing up the porn, learn to tune her out on this subject. She is the one who is withholding love and affection and then has the nerve to be surprised when you turn to pornography? please. The only reason why someone who has not been cheated on is extremely jealous is "SHE CHEATED" not you she did it or she would not be transferring that guilt to you and has to live with the fact that she cheated and can not seem to get any dirt on you so that she can justify her own actions. COUNSELING!!! first individually then when the counselor says its time JOINT. do not try and make the mistake of going into counseling together in the beginning, you will only be throwing your money away. GO INDIVIDUALLY FIRST.
2006-10-03 07:15:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave for a while and give her time to think. Her jealousy issues have more to do with her own self-confidence and insecurties. She needs help for it. Porn wasn't the smartest thing to do as that is a very addictive habit. Try talking with your pastor if you are active in your church. Talking with her friends is NEVER a good idea and undermines what little trust she has with you.
As for the kids well, I know they are affected because you are both their parents but a marriage is a totally different relationship and they shouldn't be put in a position to have to choose sides. This is also another way to undermine her as an authority to them.
Rather than sabotage this marriage ; put your mind into working it out or move on.
2006-10-03 07:14:11 · answer #3 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is abuse. Get your stuff and leave, a person can only control you if you allow them to. You have 2 choices either stay and be miserable or get out, You know that the relationship is bad, you have the blessing of your children what else do you need? YOu dont need a bomb, just a wake up call. also get some counseling, if you have stayed this long in a situation like that you are gonna need help getting over it. I would also reccomend that she get some help as well
2006-10-03 07:51:53 · answer #4 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell her to stop controlling you. Your love will vanish slowly in bits and pieces if you dont tell her how you feel. She has a right to be upset about the porn but let her know that its what shes "NOT" doing for you that causes this mess. If your not happy stuff happens like that. After 22yrs, a long time, I dont know how you put up with it. You have a life, she has a life, and you both have a life together. If you have to live her way all the time ask yourself if your really living... Good luck babe.
2006-10-03 07:08:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave her. Watching porn is not cheating and is not at all bad. My husband does it all the time and whenever I get a chance I watch it with him. Is horrible to live with a controlling freak and you have lost too many years already. You need to spend the rest of your life with someone who will respect you and trust you.
Good luck!
2006-10-03 07:08:10 · answer #6 · answered by cuteboymom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hate to tell you this but shes never going to change. I was married to someone exactly like her for 11 years and it never gets better. I would be afraid to look up while driving down the road because I would get accused of looking at guys all the freakin time. I divorced him.
2006-10-03 07:08:09 · answer #7 · answered by Angel W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is coming from a girl who has a b-friend that has just got out of a jealious relationship. I think people get jelious cause of insecurity. Tell her that you love her and won't hurt her in any way. Then don't go and hang out with your friends and flirt cause that is just abbusing the issue. Be true to her and then that way there will be no problems.
2006-10-03 07:08:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need a bomb. You sound like a traditional family. I have seen wives who are so jealous, she just doesn't have much respect for herself or feels bad about herself. Give her some space and she will come around. Let her miss you.
2006-10-03 07:13:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No sugar, you don't need a bomb. Just get your things and leave. She needs some alone time.
2006-10-03 07:06:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋