Ok,lets say that you are married but your hubby doesn't treat you good. He has in the past cheated, physical & verbal abuse, porn, & not being a good father. Ok, those are the things he has done in the past. But here lately, I have started having feelings for someone else but nothing has happened between us. (just hugs and innocent flirting) I don't know what to do. I love this guys children & want to be a part of his life so bad. It is not a sexual thing. I mean, I do have sexual feelings for him though. But, we have been controlling it. We talk on the phone everyday & see each other in public at least 3 times a week. I am just at a loss for what to do. He has 3 kids & is divorced & I have 2. On top of things, my hubby says he wants to work things out but in my heart..they have gone too far to be fixed. I am ready to start new & to have someone that loves me & will take care of me correct. ????
2006-10-03 06:57:31 · 12 answers · asked by T&E 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
btw...talked to my pastor about asking for a divorce and he said that because I had forgiven him of things, i had no grounds for divorce right now and that it would not be accepted in our church if I choose to do so.
2006-10-03 07:01:09 · update #1
You do deserve better, I think your husband maybe sensing that you have possibly found better out their, and maybe he's scared and is b-s-ing you. It's highly typical of an abusive person to try and control a situation and try furiously to dig themselves out of a hole!
As far as you better man, I advise you to take a small break b/t men if you decide on divorce, simply to get you head strait, and make sure that you aren't just seeing him as so much better because you didn't have anything really great to compare him to. Also, if he is great, you don't want him to be a rebound guy, where you bring all your hang-ups from your previous relationship into the new one and kill it.
Keep in mind the kids too, divorce will be hard on them, but they can survive it if you decide to. Do keep in mind once again not to jump right in with better guy, because if it does turn into a rebound thing, your kids got attached to him for nothing.
As far as what your preacher said....I don't think he's right. You have grounds for divorce in God's eyes because he cheated on you. In biblical terms, when he cheated on you, he "married" someone else. Theirfore, your marriage is void, whether, you forgave him or not. Your forgiving him doesn't mean the action didn't happen, keep that in mind! You can always find another church! Good luck with all this, pray! God will lead you where he wants you!
2006-10-03 07:18:52 · answer #1 · answered by ASH 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to separate the problems. First you desevre to not be cheated on, to not be verbally abused (been there I know how that one fels), to NEVER be physically abused. Yes leave him. No questions asked. Since he has physically abused you, you may be able to move yourself and your kids into a battered womans shelter. They will help you get established on YOUR OWN and get your divorce, child support etc. Second problem is he is a bad dad according to you. Make sure this is addressed in the courts. You can make him have supervised visitations if you fear for the kids safety. Third is the new guy. My advice you really need some time on your own. Please do not move right in with another man. Take your babies and heal your wounds. Weather you can see them or not they are there. Feel free to date once the divorce is final. But don't tie yourself to the first man that treats you decently. I have been there. I know. Feel free to click on my pix and email me if you want to talk. Sorry I wrote so much, but I have alot of experience with this. I survived you can too.
2006-10-03 07:04:59 · answer #2 · answered by Liz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Risky, only U can decide if it's worth the risk.
Marriage is meant 4 life, but it does sound like UR husband broke some, if not most of his Vows long ago.
If U can't 4give him & U want 2 start a new life with a other guy.
do u know enough about him 2 go?
I think U do & U've convinced URself U'll B happier.
U want me 2 say go 4 it?
Yeah, damn it, U deserve some happiness.
2006-10-03 07:04:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The very best advice I can give you is this: If you're not happy in your current situation, then remove yourself from that. Sometimes a man can see when his road is coming to a dead end and they tend to manipulate you into thinking he's gonna change, this, that, and the other, but 9 times out of 10, he just knows he's f'd up beyond the point of return so he wants to kiss your a.ss so you'll stay. If you're not happy at home, you're gonna find happiness elsewhere, so do whatever you've gotta do to make this bad situation good!
2006-10-03 07:01:16 · answer #4 · answered by Shining Ray of Light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What make you thing that this guy will take care of you correct
for you to make the decission of leaving your hus
you need to ask yourself if this guy was not in the pic will I want to leave my hus..
and even if your answer if yes, I would advise you to take a break form both man, give yourself some time
be very careful the grass is not always that green once you cross the street
Good Luck
2006-10-03 07:03:29 · answer #5 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say that you have forgiven him. Does that mean he has changed? If he is still treating you badly then leave if not then work it out. You will only be able to work it out if you stop talking with the other guy.
Why did he leave his wife?
How did he treat her?
You can't take his word for it, that's only one side. That wouldn't be fair.
Just because this new guy tells you one thing does not mean it is true.
2006-10-03 07:18:21 · answer #6 · answered by Emptiness 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that you've already made up your mind. So, I wonder whether it would do any good to offer any comment of agreement or disagreement. If you haven't made up your mind, or already made the decision in your heart, feel free to contact me at my email address accessible by clicking on my icon and reading for the email address.
2006-10-03 07:02:15 · answer #7 · answered by William T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes..100% Correct. There's really no reason for you to post this though..you already know what's best for you.
2006-10-03 07:00:38 · answer #8 · answered by Ronijn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understant how you're feeling. End things with your husband first, then pursue something else.
2006-10-03 06:59:56 · answer #9 · answered by Justsyd 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shoudl get a divorce.You only have 1 life....live it happy.
2006-10-03 06:59:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋