I am 20 years old an expecting my first baby with my fiance. We've told everyone and they're so excited! We feel blessed. However, the baby wasn't planned. My mother was the only person who acted horribly. She called my whole family and told them how upset she was, how hurt she felt, and kept asking everyone why as she sobbed with tears. I didnt get to share the most wonderful news with anyone in my family because she did it for me. What's worse is that she's told me how EVERYONE is so dissapointed in me, and if im concerned, i should call them. Why, she's done the damage. I love my family, but now i feel like an outcast and she's made it that way. I'm studying to get my Bachelor's in Business Management, I work full time, I'm engaged to the baby's father, and i dont live at home. Why is she reacting this way? How do i speak to the rest of the family- i feel she's ruined things. How do i speak to my family knowing what shes already said and done. Shes made this about her- not my baby.
2006-10-03 06:41:07 · 21 answers · asked by Jessica S 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Let me just add- no, the engagement was not due to the pregnancy- we've been together since we were 14. So she's known him for a while (6 years). Also, she lives alone, has never been married, and doesnt know where she stands in her current relationship. Could that have something to do with it?
2006-10-03 06:46:55 · update #1
20 is an okay age to have a baby. Just because you're 20 doesn't mean that you're not mentally or emotionally ready for one. If my mother had reacted like that to my being pregnant I would sit her down and talk to her. Tell her how she made you feel and explain to her that if she wants to have a part in this baby's life, she needs to stop. You didn't do anything wrong and don't let anyone make you feel like you did.
2006-10-03 06:51:48 · answer #1 · answered by lynnca1972 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, it sounds like your Mom has some issues that maybe you need to sit down and work out like adults. What she has done is very wrong, but she is your mother and entitled to her feelings and/or opinion. I don't understand why someone would react that way about a 20 yr old that is engaged and already had chosen to stay with the person you have conceived this child with. Maybe your Mother feels you are too young and that maybe you are ruining your chances to get your degree and plan the rest of your life properly. If this is how she feels, she should tell you so and then find a way to accept it and move on. It's not like you're 15 yrs old in school and got knocked up by someone you can't remember your name. If I were you, besides talking to your Mom, also talk to your family members and let them know your good news. Also tell them how your Mom has said they are all disappointed as well, but chances are that it's her that's disappointed and they maybe just didn't want to disagree with her. If you are close with your family, there is no reason why you can't right her wrong. Eventually it will all be ok, and once your Mom calms down it will be all about her new grandchild.
2006-10-03 06:49:42 · answer #2 · answered by Emjay 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Is your mom like this with other issues? She sounds like a drama queen, no disrespect meant, but this sounds like the type of thing some people do all the time. Chances are that your family is used to her behavior, and just because she says they are disappointed in you, doesn't mean they are. They probably don't see it as that big of a deal. It sounds like you have your life together and just because she's being a big baby about it doesn't mean everyone else is.
I'd still call your family and talk to them. They might vocalize disappointment, but they might be genuinely happy for you. And if they are disappointed, they'll get over it. You can't make it so that it didn't happen, after all. Don't bad mouth your mother on the phone to them, just be positive about your wonderful news. They will see who's being overly dramatic and who's got their head on straight.
I hope the situation with your mother improves. It would be nice for her to apologize to you, but don't let your relationship go down the tubes if she won't. She'll come around eventually, it's hard not to love a new grandbaby.
2006-10-03 06:50:11 · answer #3 · answered by S. O. 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What your moms life was like has nothing to do with yours. Now that you are old enough to leave home, move in with a man you are not married to, and have a baby with him, you are obviously old enough to make your own decisions. You are now learning that you have to live with what happens when you choose to do what feels good instead of what's proper. You can't have it both ways. If you want the respect of your family and others, you will have to make more respectible choices from now on. Why won't the bum go ahead and marry you? If he hasn't yet, and you are pregnant, he's too irresponsible and immature to do so. Lots of guys lie about marrying a girl after they have slept with them. The proof is in the pudding. Has he done it yet. I know--he's GOING to. You have a lot to learn and living in a sinful way will only bring you more heartache and also to your baby as well as your family.
2006-10-03 06:58:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my friend was in a similiar but different situation like you are facing.. Her baby was unplanned her b/f just broke up with her b4 she found out that she was preg. and she lived at home. She kept the news from her parent for about a month or 2 by then everyone knew including friends of her parents. When she told her mother her mom kicked her out and stopped talking to her cuz she was hurt that she was the last to know... I dont believe your mother had any right to be like that and make it about her.. Babies are a great blessing from God. You are engaged to the father of your child and you seem like you have a good head on your shoulders. Dont listen to what she says when she tell you that everyone is disappointed in you.. she could just be saying that to make sure you dont talk to them and they turn out to be happy for you.... if i were you i would called my family members and talk to them.. see how they really feel and if they even know. If they are like you mother and not happy for you then dont talk to them... They should eventually come around.... I hope everything works out for you and I hope you get your familys support in what you do with your life.... May God bless you and your new family.... Best of Luck!!!!!!!!!
2006-10-03 06:52:18 · answer #5 · answered by *PrOuD mOmMy 2 AbBy & DoMiNiK* 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
please dont worry its your life and you have a fantastic future ahead of you, dont let your mother spoil it, it sounds as though she just wants to be the centre of attetion. I was 20 when i had my first daughter now 6 i was married at 18 and had my 2nd daughter at 23, and i can honestly say its the best thing i have ever done, my children are the world to me, and myself the kids and my husband have a very happy life toghether. Just hold your head high you have shown more maturiy than your mother and im sure the rest of the family will see this to, within a couple of months it will be a different story when theres an avtual baby, please dont worry, you will make a great mum by the sounds of things and you hae supporting fiance, you do not need anyones approval. Lots of love
2006-10-03 06:48:33 · answer #6 · answered by hayles 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When I got pregnant with my son I was 20 and my mother acted like a total bi*** about it also. Even though she has done what she has done you need to make sure you hold you head up high and stand up for what you believe in. Like you said she is trying to make this about her and not about you child to be. Don't let her do that call you family and talk to them like you normally would have if they have a problem with it then tell them you are sorry they feel that way and move on with YOUR life. It will be there lose in the end not yours just remember you have a man who loves you and a precious gift on the way.
Congrats and Good Luck.
2006-10-03 06:48:01 · answer #7 · answered by rochelle s 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Just because you are young doesn't mean you won't be a good mom. Sometimes it's harder when you're younger because you don't have a lot of money or an established career. It's not a sin to bring a beautiful baby into the world, married or not...don't listen to the first post. Good luck!
2006-10-03 07:56:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the high road.You sound like a well adjusted person.Congratulations on your first baby and future wedding.Tell your mom that your sorry she can't just enjoy the fact that she is soon to be a grandmother and sorry that she feels like you have let her down.Then say I'm proud of who I am and I hope you will someday see all babies are the greatest gift we ever receive.So many people dream , hope and pray to have what you have.Enjoy every minute of it you can.Also call all of your family to tell them how YOU feel..I guarantee not all agree with your mom..once again congrats!
2006-10-03 06:53:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother may be reacting this way because we all have dreams for our children and when life doesn't happen the way we plan it is heartbreaking. This doesn't mean that your great news is heartbreaking and you should not let her steal your glory. If this is a good thing for you then let it be and don't let her emotions take over your happiness. When you speak to the family you act as if your mother's reaction did not happen and let them share your joy. If someone mentions your mother's disappoint just state that your are sorry that she isn't ready to share is this great experience with you and your fiance, but both of you are ready and willing to accept her in this journey when she is ready to share in the joy-not the drama. congrats and good luck
2006-10-03 06:49:52 · answer #10 · answered by lesmesnow 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋