Why do some Indian parents demand their children marry only who they choose for them?

Question

Example: If an Indian boy (age 28) was in love with someone from another culture, but his parents demanded that he "get rid of" the love of his life, someone he said he was deeply in love with and marry someone they chose, what would you think of the parents? What would you think of the son if he complied because of pressure from his parents, and fear of what his parents might think of his decision?

Answer 1

I disagree very much with that culture. Let me remind you though, that is not the Indian culture. There are many other cultures in India that do not believe that. The parents are just acting as they were taught when they were kids. The son has to make a decision to stay with the love of his life or be disowned by his parents and have no respect within his community. That is a very hard decision to make. I have never been in that situation so I could not judge what the son would do.

Answer 2

First of all dont forget you are talking about a culture that has the most complex social structure yet one of the most meaningful. Those who look only at the waves of the ocean often do not realize its depth.

Question to you is first of all do you love your parents? Do they mean anything to you? If they do, then you need to understand that their blessings should mean a lot.

Second of all, you must realize that what you call the love of your life is temporal. It started at a point in time not too long ago and will end at a point in time later on.

What the indian culture teaches is to love whom you get married to as opposed to marry whom you love. The love in the former case comes with a responsibility and sense of duty. The love in the case of the latter more often than not started off as some physical infatuation which may have developed further into genuine love and is therefore weak. It can only find strength by its assuming a responsibility, which brings you back to the former.

You must realize that the stages of brahmacharya, grhastha, vanaprastha and sanyasa all have to play their turn out. From the perspective of duty, you seem to have violated the dharma of doing something at one stage of life when it should have been other.

Second, you displayed a lack of judgment in your choice of partner having understood the attitudes of your parents. Did you really have doubts in that case?

What you need to do is to try and get as much help as possible now in explaining to your parents that you have already loved and stand determined in your love, although knowing fully well that it is you have brough this unfortunate circumstance for both you and your partner and the affected families.

Try and speak with them in assured words and tones. Understand the emotions that have defined them too. Pray that they understand.

If your love is a kind of "hide-and-seek" love, then obvioulsy there is something not right about. If you are ready to walk out in the open holding your partners hands, then I say go for it all the way - but never at the expense of ignoring your parents.

Since you have been emboldened to take and so many steps outside of your cultural norms, then go with your heart and search for righteousness. The right answer you will find not in this forum for it is not a single answer that is right.

It depends on a whole lot of nuances. Sit silent, ask for guidance from within and once decided, have faith in that decision and move forward. At no point thiough, should you evince dislike, disrespect or hatred to anyone involved in this situation.

Wishing you all the best!

Answer 3

It's an age-old cultural thing. Arranged marriages are the norm in a number of societies and have been for generations. Many people don't want to give up their culture, and that's fine, if that's what they want.

This sounds like a classic case of Culture Clash. Truthfully, we each have to follow our own heart and make decisions that are right for us. I think if the boy married the girl he loves, and they have a happy fruitful life, the parents will eventually come on board with the idea. It might take awhile for that to happen, but it's better than settling for a life of "misery" being married to someone you don't want to be married to. Grandchildren tend to be a great equalizer in situations like that. A precious little grandbaby can melt the heart of just about any grandparent.

Answer 4

Lets face it - love isn't always enough to keep a marriage together for 50 years. What you loved about someone you dated in college might - no, WILL change over time. If an outside, impartial party can recognize compatibility between two people, whats so wrong with that?

Anyways, my real point is that if you look at Indian culture and compare it to your own and say that everything that is different is bad, you're never going to get anywhere in the anthropological sciences. Different isn't bad, it's just different. Quit comparing and just enjoy the variety.

Answer 5

Its just not Indian parents hun, my parents are the same way, and I'm from America. I think that parents just naturally think that they know better than their kids is all sweetie, and you know what often they are right.
Cultural differences make a huge impact on a marriage. And I do mean huge. You will have to face: religious and doctorinal difference, class difference, cultural diffences in the way you handle every day crisis, the way in which you want your children raised. These are all things to be considered. I'm not downing the poor guy in any way, but he needs to look at this from a higher perspective than he is. Yes he feels that this is the love of his life, and she may well be, however they need to talk of these things and see if they can work through them before the agony of a painful and costly divorce.

Answer 6

I have an Indian boyfriend and he belongs to a typical conservative Indian family. I have heard about this practise in Indian culture and was actually awed to find out that my bf's family is 'still' into it. If he actually chooses to marry the woman his parents chose for him, then I would not take it against him. But I would definitely think that he did not love me enough. True love goes beyond culture. In fact, love bridges two people from entirely different worlds.

Answer 7

Most of the Indian cultures believe in pre-arranged marriages. Once the boy is upholding his customs he will have to do marry who the family chooses. We cannot relate to this because it is not a custom of the western society. Some people argue it works better and the rate of separation or divorce is not as high as with western cultures.

Answer 8

india is a caste ridden society. Marriages are made by parents in their own caste/religion. The system has stood the test of the times. There is apprantly no flaw in it as young generation may tend to think. Most arrnged marriages are successful.

Answer 9

Indian parents demand their children marry only who they choose for them because they want good to happen to their child.they think their children are not good in choosing.they think their choose is the best choose.

Answer 10

the indian culture is really messed up, it should stay out of relationships