My ex has been out of work for months (this is a habit with him) and is paying a VERY small amount of child support that is garnished from his unemployment check. His family has money and they take care of everything for HIM. Because I know him well, I know he is choosing not 2 work. Kids live with me and visit him 3x a year.
We live 6 hours away. He wants the kids to attend a special family event this month and has arranged transportation (family).
He emailed to ask if I had any decent clothes for them to wear to the event, saying that their usual attire was not appropriate.
I told him they have NORMAL school and play clothes and no "fancy" clothes as we don't attend church and I don't have the money to just have that kind of outfit "on hand" when they'll probably never wear it anyway. They have jeans/tshirts like most boys.
I told him I'd be glad to shop for "special party attire" if he'll send money or a gift card to do it with.
Was I out of line? Or is he?
2006-10-03 06:15:54 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is !!! Don't go shopping, if he wants them to have nice things he should pay support or better yet pay support and buy them "decent" clothes.
2006-10-03 06:18:23 · answer #1 · answered by Melissa C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are justisfied. Fight the fight and too bad you ex isn't the kind of guy that wants his kids to have more.
Fight the fight as long as the kids aren't affected. Walmart has some decent and cheap slacks for boys so you make sure they don't feel out of place if ex doesn't come thru. Be inventive with your money and choices so the kids are never really affected by all this. Remember that they are formulating their feelings and relationship with money right now - and their examples are you and your husband. You can show them that money is limiting and thus give them a negative view. You can also show them how with a little thought and creativity money can get you exactly what you need (and look good doing it) and thus give them a positive view.
It's your choice as to how to handle this. You've got to show backbone and fight for what's fair for yourself and your kids because that's the right thing to do. On the flip-side, you also have to show them that inventiveness and creativity can solve any problem when things aren't fair because it's also the right thing to do.
Hang in there.
2006-10-03 07:12:55 · answer #2 · answered by Applecore782 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not necessarily out of line, but keep in mind your ex-husband's family is paying the child support for him and that is their burden, not yours.
How well do you get along with his family? I would say this upcoming event is more for their benefit than his. If you have a good relationship with his family I would have the children go and if you feel comfortable go with the kids.
The reason being that if your children are loved by his family that is better than nothing. Also it is a good idea to keep them as allies since they are paying the child support.
I have a friend just diagnosed with cancer that is raising her boys on her own and the ex is a bum who doesn't pay child support. Things could be much worse.
As for the clothes, it is okay to ask for money to get them. Keep things positive with the kids.
Good luck.
2006-10-03 06:24:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's not a question of out of line. It is a question of getting along for the children's sake.
Since he is paying so little child support, the least he can do is buy the necessary clothes for his event with them. It was not asking too much to tell him to send the means to buy them.
P.S.
If you'll put those little boys in Sunday School somewhere, in all likelihood, they'll give you less problems in later years. They are already suffering the effects of a divorce, which is devastating to children. I know. I was 8 when my parents got theirs. They need some "foundation" somewhere.
2006-10-03 14:24:50 · answer #4 · answered by delmaanna67 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was out of line. If he wants them to have fancy clothes then he needs to start paying more child support or just buy them clothes without you having to ask him for anything.
I hate the fact that a man will lay around and not do s**t when he has kids to take care of.
You did the right thing. He is a selfish a**hole.
2006-10-03 06:22:39 · answer #5 · answered by miss_lady6980 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not out of line. You would be had you not allowed the children to attend..but you are doing so. Since it's HIS family event then just let HIS family buy them all something to wear when they get there - or as you suggested a gift card given to you for that purpose works too.
I think you handled it very appropriately! Good for you!
2006-10-03 06:20:01 · answer #6 · answered by svmainus 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in the right. He has some serious balls asking you a question like that considering he hasn't been much help financially. If he wants the kids to be there then he can foot the bill for the clothing.
2006-10-03 06:18:20 · answer #7 · answered by ZsMom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are out of line at all. As it is his family event, he should buy their clothes, shoes etc. The small amount of money you receive for him is to cover day to day expenses. Not party clothes they will wear once. I say good for you.
2006-10-03 06:20:48 · answer #8 · answered by dani77356 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are obviously providing for everything your kids need. Fancy clothes or shoes are not a necessity, so if he wants the kids to wear something special he should definitely pay for it. You are completely right to demand this from him.
2006-10-03 06:19:41 · answer #9 · answered by Vi 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree that was the perfect answer. I know that you struggle to keep them in school clothes. If he wants a special outfit he should make the purchases. You need to save your money for the good stuff...........ya know like food, lights, rent.
2006-10-03 06:33:04 · answer #10 · answered by blueblossom33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋