Relationship?

Question

I've been dating by boyfriend for over 3years now but- things have changed alot. I cheated the first year we were together beause i had an argumetn with my boyfriend and wanted to have sex with him. i got desperate so- i i went out with a guyone night without my boyfirnd knowing. The whole time we were out- i fel guilty and bad inside. We got dinner and a movie but- before we even finished the dinner i asked the guy to take me home. Nothing happened between us but- to my surprise my boyfriend and called me the whole time i was out. ITHe next day he confronted me about where i was the night before and i told him iw as sleeping. He ddin't buy my asnwer and ever since then- he doesn't trust me. Time has passed by (almost 3 years since it happened) and things have chanced. Since we've gotten the point that we wantt o get marrried- he brings up the incident saying that he's afraid i could do something outside our marriage in the future and that it will not work. We've recently

Answer 1

Mari, oddly enough, the same thing happened to me. I said "to" me because my wife attempted the same thing with my brother. We were newlyweds, so when I found out, I immediately went looking for a lawyer. The circumstances were a bit different in as much as he (my brother) got caught. Similar to yours, there was no sex, but they sat in a parked car at his church (yeah he's a pastor), talked and eventually kissed. The only thing different is that my wife who I've been married to for 15 years after the incident, confessed. Not just a little bit but went into detail. I know exactly what happened, even though my brother denies everything. I found it easier to forgive her knowing she did everything to disclose what happened, even taking responsibility for the ????? Well you can't call it an affair. Neither can you call yours one. I wish my wife would have been as responsible as you and stopped before anything happened. However, she didn't. I still forgave her. Will I always be worried that she would run off on me? Not any more she weighs 260+ lbs. I'm 6 foot 4 and way in shape. But I still love her today more than yesterday. Tomorrow will be the same. Now for the big news, to this day I have not forgiven my brother. Nor will I till he asks for it, which includes admitting it. That would probably = a divorce for him since he was married at the time. Spill the beans Mari. Be specific, don't be afraid. The worst that could happen is you break up. Move on, and find someone you CAN communicate with.

Answer 2

If you haven't already you need to fess up about your date with another guy. If you have, then it is up to your boyfriend to make a decision - either he forgives you or he doesn't. Forgiving someone is so much more emotional than people like to admit. When you forgive someone you let it go, completely. Never to mention it from that moment on. Otherwise it's not forgivenes. And you don't deserve to be in a relationship where he hangs that over your head all of the time. Once he makes that decision, the better of you will both be. Here's your part though - you should be doing everything you can to earn his trust and respect back.

Answer 3

Some people are very strong on 'trust and cheat' relationships,
especially your boyfriend, who after so many years, still couldn't
forget about the one small mistake you've made when you
cheated on him by going out with someone without letting him
know.
To get one's trust completely, it takes great and sincere effort
and time will tell whether you've achieved it. But, once it's
broken, it's very difficult to mend it back again.
Thus, my advice to you is to continue by showing him the
sincere trust and also to build up that trust until he fully trusts
you.
Best of luck!

Answer 4

He just don't trust you any more and you need to decide what to do. Because if he decide to marry you things will never be the same. May be somebody else will take care of you better.

Answer 5

It can work you just have to tell him it wont ever happen again till he trust you. If he still has trouble beleaving you it wont work for long, it wont take much for him to really think you are with someone else even if your not.

Answer 6

looks like he has a reason to. why did he refuse sex? anyway thats irrelevant. now he doesnt trust you and you have to deal with that. next time have more self control. you are acting like a child. im not judging you i did that once thinking it was going to make him mad/upset but it only made me feel bad.

Answer 7

Why do the phrases "made your own bed, now lie in it" and "You've dug your own grave" keep coming to mind?

Answer 8

if there is no trust in the relationship then it won't work.

Answer 9

good luck