Good GREIF! No one READS. Again...????

Question

I asked a general question and every other response is "its wrong to cheat on your husband" I never asked for advise on whether or not I should cheat nor did I even say I was married. Sheesh.
Again, exactly as before...

What is the general standing of most people on cheating?

Ok, Marriage...what if you have NO physical relationship but a wonderful everything else? What if you are bound to a horrible marriage somehow (children, finances, etc.) and you find someone special? What if you've only been dating for a short while and it hasnt even been established as a committed relationship and you "meet" someone else?

Why is cheating considered a bad thing when so many people do it? Why do men say "its natural primitive instinct" for them to cheat but if they catch their woman in bed with someone else, out comes the shotgun?

I know thats a lot of questions, but Im looking for a lot of different thoughts on this issue. I've been in and seen my friends in all-of-the-above types of relationships and situations and (I won't disclose what choices anyone made) I'm curious what the average person REALLY thinks, beyond religious beliefs and the everyday "never cheat!" responses.

Answer 1

This is a hard question b/c you are not talking about a black & white subject. What consitutes cheating? Sex? Talking? Flirting? Also, what if there are special circumstances? What if someone in a 'couple" cannot have sex but the rest of the marriage is great? I personally would not deny my husband the chance to fulfill his needs if I were unable to do that for him.
I don't think you can say that cheating is wrong unless you have walked in the shoes of the people involved in the situation. What I think is OK may be terrible to another person.

Also, I have read a study before that said that most men associate cheating with sex but women associate cheating with intimacy (ie closeness, not necessary sex).

Answer 2

Let's see if I can get through that and answer your specific questions.
*My general standing is that it's never a good idea to cheat.
*If I had a wonderful everything else in marriage, but no physical relationship, I would work towards having one. Even if there are medical reasons that prevent intercourse, there are other things that bring physical pleasure.
*If I was bound in a horrible marriage, I would find a way out, before I tried to have a relationship with someone else. There is always a way out.
*If I'm dating for a short while, and I meet someone else, then I'd date both of them, or pick one. There is no commitment in either relationship.
*There are lots of things that are considered bad, or bad for us that we do on a daily basis. We are in a disposable society, and so if it doesn't work exactly as we want, we look elsewhere.
*The shotguns come out because, even with the advances we've made, men still have a different set of rules than women do. It's the old "boys will be boys", but women are simply sluts. It's not fair, but then again, no one ever said life was fair.

How's that? Enjoy!

Answer 3

Cheating is considered bad because it's bad in the eyes of GOD. If there is problems in the marriage, there is such a thing as divorce. It hurts when someone cheats. There are so many unanswered questions that will never get an answer. Cheating is never the answer to a bad relationship. If someone has the urge to cheat then they should end the relationship they are now sharing with someone else. I honestly think cheating is wrong. People hurt more than just the person they are cheating on.

Answer 4

1. You can not cheat if you are not married. If you have not made a vow to be with the one person forever, how can you cheat.

2. Technically there is never a reason to stay in a bad marriage, most people only do it because they know their life will be harder. But harder does not necessarily mean WORSE.

3. Most people cheat because they want their cake and to eat it too. Not because they are not happy. It is because they think they can get away with something (at least for men). They are happy with the family and the house and the car and the job. But they need to feel that rush of life again and think they will never get caught.

4. Guys are insanely jealous by birth. A man can justify anything in his mind, why do you think people go out and blow themselves up? ANYTHING can be justified.

Answer 5

My thought is this in general...the double standard for cheating is as old as the scriptures. Women were stoned if caught cheating, men were banished....However, in order to develop trust in any relationship it is important to understand that committment plays a very large part in that. I believe that cheating hurts...I was cheated on by my husband and it was awful. If you have no intention of committing, just don't commit. Then cheating is not an issue.

Answer 6

Most problems start with a lack of communication. If you can not talk to your spouse or vice/ versa then you or he will eventually start confiding in someone else and that is where it all stems from.
If you sit and share your feeling with someone of the opposite sex it starts an emotional infedelity because you are not responding emotionally to your spouse. After the emotional connection to the other person begins to blossom so will the feelings of affection and physical attraction.

For some people it is just the physical aspect of it but for women it has to be emotional in some cases.

Answer 7

I feel that if there's no committment, there's no "cheating". 99% of my relationships started and ended without ever entering the "committment" stage, and I never felt that just because I went out with someone several times it would somehow be "wrong" to go out with other people. However, once I make that explicit committment, I feel that it is inappropriate to engage in other relationships unless this committment is terminated somehow. I do not judge other people on what they do, I think it's quite a thing to ask of anyone to only be with one person for the rest of their lives; I just try to do things I feel are "right" for me.

Answer 8

i feel like if you genuinely care for a person, why would you resort to cheating on them. someone is always going to get hurt and it's just not right. if you feel the need to go out and just have sex with people then why would you be in a relationship? there's no point in committing yourself to someone only to turn around and be with someone else. i agree with you though,it does seem okay to guys to cheat because that's how they're born or whatever, but girls are nasty whores if they cheat. it's crazy.

Answer 9

because when you get married, you vow to stay together for forever. and when you are in a relationship, the point of being in one is to stay together and not cheat. obviously you do not understand the concept of either, otherwise you would not be frustrated at the fact that people are telling you its wrong to cheat. get out of bad relationships before you start different ones, or just own up to your past instead of trying to push it aside. dont pretend that cheating is alright just because you think its the only way out of the mistakes you have already made in life.

Answer 10

If you are lonely and unhappy, and if your spouse cannot or will not give you the attention you need, you need to renegotiate, or get out of, the relationship rather than cheat on it.

Cheating may hurt him, but it destroys your image of yourself.

You made a solemn vow...a commitment..and it is important for your own wellbeing that you fulfill a commitment...You can fulfill it by adhering to what you promised, or by saying that you can no
longer live with the agreement.

It is no more proper for me to cheat on my wife than it is for her
to cheat on me. We grow in strength and happiness when we
learn to deal with our commitments as adults.

Now, if he is quite content with your sleeping with other men, then that is a commitment he will have to make, and will have to either live with it or terminate your vows.

We need happiness and self esteem to progress in life. Cheating
does not add to our self esteem. Honesty does.