I met a guy online. He is Bi and I have no real sexual history. I moved in with him. We were just roommates. I secretly watched him, and saw from time-to-time he watched me. After talking with him about sex and life I couldn't hide that I was sexually attracted to hm. I told him I was interested...he told me he was to. We kissed. I told him I would be willing butI wanted a committment. He told me the same. I felt kinda excited before, finally I met a gu who I felt comfortable enough to try. Not much came out of it. I guess because I was green. He told me that he was a str8 top. I was a bit concerned. He never tried to top me though, he never kissed me, touched me, or anything. I was confused so I pursued him, finally he started to refuse to kiss me or hug me. He would go out until 2am or even the whole nite. But, he never tried to become intimate with me. He said he was tired.
2006-10-03 05:56:12 · 11 answers · asked by Joe D 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Sounds like he is bi-curious, minus the bi.
2006-10-03 06:02:08 · answer #1 · answered by jrayhp 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No offense, but you sound a little desperate. It is unusal to commit to someone at such an early stage. And a person who identifies as "Bi/str8 top" wouldn't be the type to commit to another guy anyway.
How I see it (and I think I am right):
1) He is out for sex and thats it. Your understanding and his understanding of "what is commitment?" are two different things.
2) He knows you are totally hung up on him and it makes him uncomfortable. He dosen't want to hurt you at all, but he can't tolerate this pressure.
3) You are admittedly inexperienced and full of emotional need.
Can you see that this is lose-lose situation?
If you want to do what feels good at the moment, and not have faith in the future, then hang around your place and pine away for the guy.
You will be quite sucessful in making the both of you completely miserable and he will fix the situation by getting away, and staying away, from you. Any small chance there was of being friends and sex-buddies evaporates.
Alternate game-plan:
Set up a sex-date online with a guy, or two, every night. I am totally serious. Know the safe-sex rules. Get it on. If you set one or two dates per night, you will probably get laid once a week. The ratio of date to getting stood-up is that high. But all you have to do is "click" with a few guys to have a pool of partners.
So you are looking for a relationship? You have to date multiple people to get there. Straight ppl and gay ppl all have to do this. It is extraordinarily rare to hook up online and live happily ever after!
If you follow some version of this plan, your roomate and you can use each other as friends and, ironically, emotional support. Once he sees you are going out and getting some, your friendship will deepen greatly. You will no longer be this delicate, threatening, needy person. You must feign indifference to emotional intimacy with him until it can happen naturally. And you must work hard at having fun or you are doomed to misery.
Really, though, it will work out if you worry less and meet guys more!
2006-10-03 13:39:12 · answer #2 · answered by Ren Hoek 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When he said str8 top, he was probably meaning he won't be on the bottom ever and not in the sense that he is going to be the aggressor or initiator. But anyhow, when you say he has never tried to top you, have you guys ever been in a sex situation? Like, with no clothes on and engaging in mutual masturbation? If not, it is kind of hard to initiate that if you are not a "top" in the sense of being the aggressor or initiator. If he has never tried to become intimate with you, he might not be into you. The best thing to do is just level with him; tell him you don't know where you two stand in this, and would like to know what is going on with that. Luck.
2006-10-03 21:11:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he was willing to try but lost interest along the way - I think the whole 'committment' thing may have turned him off - how are you going to get a real committmemnt for a bi-guy?
2006-10-03 13:34:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry mate, looks like he lost interest or was scared off, probably by trying to commit too early to a "greenie". He might have started to have some interest just to have sex, sometimes they like to initiate a virgin. In my opinion, it moved a bit fast, moving in together and all that was too quick. You need to protect yourself, and I have always considered on line pursuits to be risky. Try to find others in your area. Around here, the gays hang out in coffee shops, new age stores, natural food stores, local artist venues/galleries or try the Unitarian Church--the most understanding religious facility. Good luck.
2006-10-03 14:59:27 · answer #5 · answered by truckinotter 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he seems like he is just in it for the sex or what ever
he seems to not care for you
and you need to follow your heart
and i think your trying to
love can be blind some times
so look out for number one
as you are the most important thing in the world to you
2006-10-03 13:03:16 · answer #6 · answered by eat it then die 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Find another one,they are millions out there?
2006-10-03 13:47:41 · answer #7 · answered by javo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he is kinda shy or he was just not into to you i guess.
There are far better out there for ya mate
2006-10-03 12:59:30 · answer #8 · answered by ☺Everybody still loves Chris!♥▼© 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on!! He is not ready at this time it seems!!! Maybe he is scared???? There is someone out there for you!! Dont give up!!
2006-10-03 13:13:44 · answer #9 · answered by TBONE 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont worry he is just not into you not a big deal just find you someone else.
2006-10-03 13:04:12 · answer #10 · answered by ♂ Randy W. ♂ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋