How do you know you are ready to have a baby?

Question

I know it is different for everyone, but there is probably some common feeling or thought that women have that indicates to them that they are ready for motherhood.
I am 27 and in a wonderful and loving relationship which I am hoping becomes marriage within the year. Having a baby is exciting and wanted by us both but I still feel so scared. Any advice?

Answer 1

My best advice is to get married first. Give your marriage a year at least before trying to have a baby. Marriage is a huge commitment and takes a lot of adjusting....no matter how long you've dated. Marriage and a baby in the first year is a lot of emotional stress that could be avoided. Take a little time to enjoy being a MRS. Then become a mom! Good luck!

Answer 2

Hoping becomes a marriage within the year? I would wait until it was a marriage before you start popping out babies. Of course one doesnt have to be married to have a baby and marriage doesnt always mean that it will make good parents or even guaruntee that the man will stick around and be a good dad. I doubt that many people have been really ready to have a baby and done just fine and others that have felt that they were ready turn out to be the worst parents in the world. Babies are cute but they do grow and while they are growing they need alot of attention and care. They can also make or break a relationship. You never know what you are going to get either. You may get a perfect little baby that never cries and is never any trouble or one that cries all the time and grows up being the problem child. A baby will change your life. Could be for the worst or for the best. You never know. Thats why no one really knows when they are really ready. If you feel that you are ready to devote all your free time to another life and have the means to provide for that life then you are as ready as youll ever get.

Answer 3

Hi,

Isn't it wonderful to see other mommies with babies, or watch TLC and all of the delivery shows? I love it too. However, having a baby isn't all about the first few months, or even the first few years. Sometimes we have to plan our lives out like we're playing a good game of Chess; each move has to be thought out in advance.

What concerned me, is when you said, 'in a wonderful and loving relationship which I am hoping becomes marriage within the year'. Darling, wait until you get married! Sure you want a baby now, and that's because us women have hormones that cause this 'urge' to want to get pregnant! Remember, even though we are human, we are still animals at heart, and have those 'mating seasons' when we just want to find a mate and get impregnated. NORMAL!

But, since we have so many options now a days, and so much as far as birth control is concerned, I would recommend that you PLAN to have a child, rather than take the easy route and 'have sex, get pregnant, repeat'. Since you want a baby so much, how about planning on being the "best mommy ever"? Why conceive a child with a man who hasn't even married you yet? Being a single mom is hard; I come from a single parent household.

Do this:

Open up a couple of savings accounts. Put some money in those accounts for the babies future (school, clothes, emergency, etc). Speak with doctors about your health, and have both you and your boyfriend tested for any genetic issues that might be passed down to the child.

Consider how much money you will need for diapers, healthcare, food, housing, etc. And always be prepared in case the child is born with an illness or medical problem; we never know, but it's good to be prepared.

What about your job? What about his job? Are you happy living where you do? THINK about all of these questions, and TAKE ADVANTAGE of the fact that you even have the option to plan out a pregnancy! And, since this is the real world, consider what may happen if your relationship ends. Are you financially, physically, emotionally and mentally prepared to have a child, if the dad decides to leave?

Be a good mother, and not just a 'woman who has a child'. I know of sooooo many people (both gay and straight), who wish they could conceive easily...this is a blessing, and I would "wait until the marriage is confirmed, the finances are straighted out, and the health issues are resolved".

Good Luck

Desi :-)

Answer 4

So many people answered that you can never know and you can never BE ready. Huh? I disagree. I felt ready when I got married and knew that the man I married wanted to BUILD a life and a family with me. I WANTED another baby badly. I can speak from 2 sides of a spectrum because I was in a toxic relationship many years ago and I have a precious teenage daughter from it. I DID NOT want another baby then. As soon as I began to heal from that I started craving a baby. People are right about the financial aspect. I think it is rare that you feel you can put a silver spoon in a baby's mouth. BUT the baby becomes a part of what you're already doing and I think it is not so hard. I can say this after 12 years of singleparenthood. But what are you afraid of? Remember you have the power to get the outcomes in your life that you want. Bind up that fear with the knowledge that babies are a gift and you and your future husband can offer a nurturing loving and healthy environment for that baby and lots of love to grow. Lastly, you should be willing to take the nutrition and exercise steps to be as healthy as you can so the baby will have the best start and your body will be able to sustain a healthy pregnancy. Best wishes.

Answer 5

After your married and settled into your life with your new husband, it's really wonderful to take at least a year just to get to know this new person your living with and to iron out differences. Amazingly, even though you love each other, once you start to live together, that's when you REALLY get to know each other and it's often harder that first year. It's also wonderful to take some time for the two of you, travel a little, or do things the two of you enjoy and make some memories. Then when that beautiful little baby comes along you can settle into the next 18 plus years, depending on how many you have raising your children. But the good thing is you had that time building on your relationship with your new spouse first before you started devoting part of your time to a new little baby. It really does make a difference. Everyone wins. You will know when the time is right. You don't have to feel rushed into anything. My first one was born at 30. I was more settled and ready then. Best wishes to you.

Answer 6

I think you should have a baby as soon as you and your (hopefully) husband feel you're ready. :) All I can share is my own personal experience. Pretty much all throughout my life, I always wanted to have kids. This continued through my 20s.

However, once I entered my 30s, I started seriously rethinking this. I love kids, but I don't think I'm cut out to have kids. I might have been when I was younger, but now I am a very different person. I have some health conditions that I didn't have in my 20s. They're not life-threatening, but suffice it to say, they'd make a pregnancy more difficult and probably much more uncomfortable. I'm also having more problems with my ADD as I get older, which I didn't have in my 20s. My psych thinks this is due to co-morbidities of anxiety or depression. I'm not sure about that, but I know that I can barely even manage my own life, it's such a disorganized mess. :( I'm working to change that, but the fact remains that I get extremely easily overwhelmed by things. I'm also having job- and financial-related difficulities that I didn't have earlier. Plus I just don't have as much hyper-type energy that I did in my 20s, and can't juggle as many things.

Not that you needed to hear all that! *blush* I guess my point is that it's good to have a baby when you still want one and can handle one. I wanted one for a long time when I was younger, and I'm sure I would have been a very good mother. But I am no longer sure I want one, and am no longer sure I'd be a responsible, organized, well-paced enough mom. But that's okay, because at least I recognize it in myself before I get in over my head. :) For what it's worth, you sound like you'd make a GREAT mom! The simple act of being scared sounds normal to me; you're human, after all! As long as you don't have all the trepidations and problems I mentioned, I think you'll bo okay. Good luck and best wishes to you and your boyfriend! :)

Answer 7

wait until you're married. Then, wait awhile. Enjoy one another, because once you have a child, you won't have any more alone time you take for granted without even realizing it. Not for another 20 years! (or 18, if youre tough :D)

This is a silly comparison, but I want to be a mother too - some day. Think of all the things you want for your child. When you get to day in your life where you can say, we both have the time, we both have accomplished enough with our lives to put something else before us, and we both want this (and ofcourse, are in a stable relationship - no fighting every week!) then talk about it together.

The worst thing in life is to have a child, even if its wanted, and not be able to give it everything you'd like to. Be a grown up, and you'll know you're ready to be the best parent you could ever be when you can *honestly now* say, WE'RE ready to put this baby first.

Don't be ignorant or stubborn, but honest, with yourself.

If you're still iffy, get a kitten. It will behave better with a baby than a dog, and you'll see more of what it's like to play "mom" and "dad". Both babies and kittens are cute - but also expensive, time consuming, needy, and a responsibility like no other. Babies are babies! Goodluck!

Answer 8

First off, you're old enough to be a mother. Women reach full maturity at age 24, when most women are ready to be pregnant. You are also at a good age for getting married. The divorce rate drops like a bomb, when it takes place over the age of 24. Unfortunately, that is because the woman is fully an adult. Men don't reach that point until age 30. Waiting until he is 30 would be best before having a child.

Don't worry if you don't get pregnant right away. Recent studies show that women who have trouble getting pregnant, not having a children until their 30s, have the longest life spans. The theory is they just matured slower. You may be scared because you are one of those humans with the longer life spans, and your body is telling you that you are not yet ready.

Consider volunteering some of your time at a children's hospital, perhaps cradling abandon children, and children with AIDS. It may give you some feel about children. Plus, it is just a good thing to do.

Answer 9

You hear babies crying and it does not irritate you, it sounds like music in your ears, you window-shop babies' stores or every time you see a mother with a baby you stop to see it. I think that these are the signs that would work for me to tell me that I am ready to have a baby.... But seriously, having a baby is a great responsibility... Since you are in a relationship already wait until you get married. If both of you really want to have a baby and you can provide to it anything needed then go for it!!!!

Good luck!!!

Answer 10

a few things to keep in mind - make sure you are financially stable and that your significant other is more than willing to help out in the parenting duties.

take a kid out for a test drive (haha). but really -if you know someone who has a young one (preferrably under 1 year) who would let you take the baby for the weekend - do it! see what it's like, that's probably the best way to know if you are ready. if you can't handle it for a weekend, you certainly aren't ready to handle it 24/7!

i knew i would do just fine because i helped out with my niece so much when she was a baby that i had to tell her on a regular basis "not mommy" - that, and i helped my other sister at her home daycare. i joked with my friend telling her she neede to have a baby so i could be a weekend mommy - i had one before her though.

and feeling scared is natural - you haven't done this before and it's a new experience, you don't know what is going to happen (it's different for everyone). are you scared of the pregnancy and birth? or once the child is out? fear of pregnancy and birth is normal. fear of having a child - you may want to wait.

Answer 11

I am 34. I've been pregnant twice. I miscarried in my 2nd trimester both times. The last being May 7th of this year.

If I were you, I would move past the fear and get on with having babies. Life is short, and pregnancy is unpredictable.

I don't think anyone else can tell you if you will ever "feel" ready or not. I don't think there are any huge signs to let you know when it is a good time for you. You will always be scared, from the moment you start thinking about concieving, the entire duration of your pregnancy, and for the remainder of your childrens lives (or your life).

I wish you the absolute best.