Ok, Marriage...what if you have NO physical relationship but a wonderful everything else? What if you are bound to a horrible marriage somehow (children, finances, etc.) and you find someone special? What if you've only been dating for a short while and it hasnt even been established as a committed relationship and you "meet" someone else?
Why is cheating considered a bad thing when so many people do it? Why do men say "its natural primitive instinct" for them to cheat but if they catch their woman in bed with someone else, out comes the shotgun?
I know thats a lot of questions, but Im looking for a lot of different thoughts on this issue. I've been in and seen my friends in all-of-the-above types of relationships and situations and (I won't disclose what choices anyone made) I'm curious what the average person REALLY thinks, beyond religious beliefs and the everyday "never cheat!" responses.
2006-10-03 05:38:57 · 17 answers · asked by Sticky 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Generally, most people can't stand being cheated by someone
dearest or trusted to you. For the married couple, it's usually
about sexual encounters with someone else. For the family,
it's about money, jobs, excessive gambling and uncontrolled
alcoholic drinking. And for friends, it's about relationship, caring
and understanding.
People who cheat under the above categories, are those having
problems of inadequacies and they usually do it to 'escape'
from scrutiny by others. They think it's okay, but may not realize
the consequences of their actions.
2006-10-03 06:06:08 · answer #1 · answered by steplow33 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your question hits home with me. My wife and I have long had a great relationship and both would choose to spend our time together as much as possible, even though we've been together so long. In the past we have always had a great sexual relationship but her interest has decreased significantly while mine has only increased. A friend of mine is in a similar situation and we talk about this kind of stuff often.
We both feel that cheating has it's purely physical side and a more involved side. I can assure you that if my wife found out I had sex with another woman who I didn't really know and I never spent any time with she would be less upset than if she found out I was having an ongoing emotional relationship involving long conversations, flowers and letters. The second option involves emotions and feelings and the sharing of things that would indicate the husband and wife are not emotionally connected.
The first, basically picking up some stranger, doing the deed and never calling her, and maybe not even knowing her last name, is purely a physical exercise and just means you want to have sex, not that you aren't connected to your spouse.
My friend and I both agree that we could be weak enough, given the current state of our sexual relationship in our marriage, to have sex with someone else should the opportunity present itself, but neither one of us would ever consider meeting someone else for dinner, sending them flowers and having long conversations with them from our cell phones.
Basically, a purely sexual act can be insignificant while actual relationships held secretly outside of the marriage are dangerous and wrong.
In some of the conversations with my wife about our current sexual differences she basically volunteered that I should get what I need, wherever, because she wants me to be happy, just don't tell her about it. She also added that I better not get any one pregnant or bring home any diseases. Obviously she doesn't want me to do this but I think she realizes that a purely sexual act is not a threat to her, because we love each other so much.
2006-10-03 05:56:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The fact that in your question alone there are many different scenarios show that this is not a black and white issue. There are hundreds of reasons for cheating, some better than other. For me personally, the worse thing about cheating is the lying. The actual physical betrayal can be overcome, but if there has been lie upon lie to cover it up, trust is out the window. I don't judge other people for their decisions because until you've walked a mile in their shoes you can never completely understand their actions. But I would hope that if I felt the need to cheat I would be strong enough to get out of the relationship.
2006-10-03 05:45:07 · answer #3 · answered by Nunya 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
certin people cheat , cause it progressed to a ongoing habit.
everyone has a different view and have certin intentions into getting into a relationship.
i would say, and this is my opinion.. that some certin guys have a mentality at a young age, to see how many girls they can get before we start to settle. i guess its kinda like a "conquer" phase.
which there intentions maybe to sleep around with different girls. which im not saying its just guys, its also applies to girls. a guy will think its ok, unless he gets caught. but they get into a real rage when it comes to when a girl does it. its just instinct and it will always be that.
Personally, i cant go to that route of cheating on someone i care so much about. i would think about the whole time being with her and her putting up with me. the time and effort put in to the relationship. having that guilt inside u and not being able to look her in the eyes with u holding a lie. regrets will come back at u and hit u the hardest, when u figure out later on, that the person u hurt was the person that stands by u through thick and thin. is the cheating worth it? and the idea about the person u cheating with, and they know about it, whats the chances of that person doing the same thing to u??
to me its not worth it..
2006-10-03 06:05:22 · answer #4 · answered by devanarestylez 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
INtimacy is supposed to be the high point of the relationship, it is supposed to be a symbol of the trust and deep affection you have for that person. Many people abuse the symbol and make it not mean anything. You can have sex with 6,000 peopel and still there would never be enough. It is all about the relationship. Sex is not fulfilling from a strictly biological standpoint. Emotions is where it is at. Cheating breaks that relationship, the bond of trust. For true deep relationship there needs to be a core of values that is shared with no one else, if nothing is kept private then why is anyone person better than another, maybe that is why people jump form bed to bed, looking for satisfaction all the while never considering anythign sacred enough to develop a meaningful relatiosnhip with a person.
2006-10-03 05:52:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is based on one truth....and that is TRUTH itself!! If you have no trust in your partner, you might as well hit the road. I think people cheat because they think the grass is greener somewhere else. And everytime they do it, they find out it's not. But it makes it easy to do it again. All that other stuff like "instinct" is bull*sh*it. It's just justification for the action. When you love and respect someone, you won't cheat on them. You don't want them to be hurt. Marriage is a job and most people are not interested in working at it. You get out of a marriage what you are willing to put into one. When you stop feeling that special love, it's time to let them go and move on. Godloveya.
2006-10-03 05:44:18 · answer #6 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
when you are cheating you are being dishonest. if a person isn't happy with their marriage they either work it out or get divorced. you are never bound to a marriage by children. it is better for the kids to not hear all the fighting and carrying on.
if a person came out and said they weren't going to be exclusively with you then that allows them to date around
just because everyone is doing something doesn't make it right to do.
i haven't heard a lot of men say cheating is in their blood. for some people yes it is and they should just realize that a monogamous relationship isn't for them
i don't think people who cheat are eveil or anything just dishonest
2006-10-03 05:45:06 · answer #7 · answered by Jenn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you been reading Lady Chatterly's Lover? Cheating is a bad thing because once exposed, the trust is gone. Also, sneaking around can eventually begin to disintegrate your moral fiber. You say that why is it considered a bad thing when so many people do it? Well a lot of people commit murder, rape and other foul crimes and I don't consider it right just because "so many people do it." If the question is about you and your marriage, do the right thing and divorce your husband and then feel free to look elsewhere for sex.
2006-10-03 05:48:18 · answer #8 · answered by phoenixheat 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Cheating IS wrong if you are in a loving and committed relationship...but if your bf or gf treats you like crap, doesn't put out, or is just plain crappy, sometimes I think they have it coming....but if they do those things then you should just leave anyway....as far as being in a great relationship with no physical intimacy...thats not a relationship, thats a friendship...the friendship ends when the fu cking begins
2006-10-03 05:43:01 · answer #9 · answered by violet1656 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have to agree with the first answer you got. There is NO real "good" "justifiable" reason to do it. If you're in a bad relationship GET OUT of it. The Bible even said that adultery is wrong. I'm married and me and husband have had bad and good times, issues with our money and our daughter. I did cheat on him once, that was before we got married and way before we had our daughter. I told my husband about it before we got married and I left the decision in his hand. We went through a lot of tough times after that. Today we are doing really great. But I feel crappy for what I did! DON'T DO IT! IF you see no other way. End your current relationship.
2006-10-03 05:48:31 · answer #10 · answered by VMG 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋