i love my husband it seems i really cant be with out him but i always wish i was single cuz hes too hard on me he always tells me he cant trust me but all i do is stay home i dont go anywhere and he goes to work,gym here and there and somethimes i dont say nuttin to him. what can i do or tell him to make this better cuz i really hate that i got married. Im 21 and he is 33
2006-10-03 05:14:35 · 18 answers · asked by ........... 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You guys should talk, and you should suggest to go for marriage counselling. Counselling helps a lot in marriage, it can improve the relationship or tell you what is wrong or missing in your relationship. Hope this helps.
2006-10-03 05:23:09 · answer #1 · answered by Gable 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read through your other questions, so i could understand this better...
Yes, there are some big problems here.
One red flag is your husband's possessiveness: He's insecure and wants to be in control of you. It's not that you are not trustworthy, it's that he has trust issues. If he can't even handle you going to the store with your relatives, then he's got major issues to deal with.
Another red flag is your age difference. How long have you been married?
What I have found is that, when a 33-year-old man marries/dates a 21-year-old girl, it generally means the man has some insecurity issues and enjoys being in a position of knowledge and authority over the girl (because he's not sure he could hold his own against a woman his age).
Please don't think that means anything bad about *you,* because you are *perfectly fine.* You're 21, you want to make things work, and you're simply dealing with your marriage as a 21-year-old woman would deal with them. If you had more experience with his sort of behavior and were confident in living on your own, you would be harder for him to control.
What your husband is doing is taking advantage of your inexperience as a single, independent adult. A woman his age would have gone through a number of relationships, realized that his behavior is childish and unloving, and either told him he's going to have to suck it up, or have dumped him on the spot. He couldn't pull this sort of garbage with a more experienced woman.
But you are just learning this stuff, and you love the guy, and you want to make him happy, and you want to be a good wife -- so you are allowing him to control you in ways that will be harmful to you, him, and your marriage.
Things will probably not improve until he is challenged in some way... and maybe not even then. It sounds to me like he might not be able to handle giving up the control issue, and the marriage will fail.
Is there anyone you trust (an older woman, or a counselor) who can advise you in ways that respect you as a woman and as an individual? Some encouragement and support from others would help you to be able to stand up to your husband when need be, and practice "tough love." They can give you specific advice, because they know you personally.
If you do learn to stand up to him at the right times, your marriage has a shot at working. But if you allow him to treat you this way, it will eventually ruin both of you -- even if you never get divorced.
Take care of yourself, set some healthy boundaries, and learn how to respect/care for him without letting him control you.
2006-10-03 05:45:24 · answer #2 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really do have some choices before you move out. You can give your husband the choice of being controlling or of being frustrated. The reason we get frustrated in our lives is that things we want to happen don't. You might stop letting him control you. For example: you might say i am going to shop. He yells {the normal way to try to control is to use intimidation} at you, and you respond sweetly: "I've thought about your request that you want something new for dinner. I've decided that I'm ready to go shopping for you." He says: "If you loved me, you would not go alone as I requested. You're just selfish." You could say: "I love you and I think I'll go to store." If he is prone to violence, have the phone near by to call 911 if he threatens you physically. If he hits you, call the police and have him arrested. It's against the law to hit women for wanting to go shopping.
Then I'd get counseling and join a support group, to help decide if this marriage can be saved. On the other hand, he might decide to start respecting you when you decide to start respecting yourself and taking yourself seriously as a person. When controlling people don't get their way, they will end up frustrated. Some people don't have a high tolerance for frustration. Those people do not make good candidates for a strong relationship such as marriage. A controlling person will not change without your first making some decisions about the quality of your live, and without YOU making some changes.
2006-10-03 05:31:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
oh hell no whats his problem just cuz hes old doesnt mean he should be acting that way damn tell him how u feel dont let him treat u like his daughter that doest look like a relationship he should let u be with out trust theres not relationship i can tell u that talk to him and if its never going to work then ur always going to be unhappy u have to live life shoot he already did y cant u if not alone with friends friends that are also married or in a relationship so he cant say ur going to pick up men with ur single friends or go out with him dont lt he go out and leave u at home alone what kinda **** is that
2006-10-03 05:22:16 · answer #4 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'd confess all for your unlucky "sufferer", then crawl down the nearest sewer not in any respect to be considered again. Your putrefied morals disgust me, our society might want to correctly do without parasitic, low existence gold digging persons which consists of your self. The saddest challenge is you teach no regret for what you've performed. it might want to look out of your newborn like carry close of written English that you come back from a deprived , lower than knowledgeable historic past. once you've the favor to make good GET help.
2016-12-04 04:15:43 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The two of you could use a separation. He needs to build his trust, and you need to figure out if you are ever going to be 100% in a marriage. If you're not, then you owe it to him to give him a divorce so that he can have a committed marriage to someone who loves and respects him.
2006-10-03 05:18:48 · answer #6 · answered by Please use other door 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship, he sounds very controlling and personaly I would not be in a realtionship like that, you say that he can't trust you, did you ever do anything to make him not trust you. If you didn't do anything to make him not trust you then maybe he can't trust himself and maybe he is doing something he shouldn't be doing. Have you discussed hopw you feel about all of this with him , communication is very important in a realtionship, without communication, you do not have a realtionship, good luck!
2006-10-03 05:37:23 · answer #7 · answered by radioradioradio 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should let him know how you feel and get divorced. If you and him want to be friends after that then go that route. If not then just date and find someone who trusts you and stay single.
2006-10-03 05:19:30 · answer #8 · answered by miss_lady6980 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, he has issues. You need to get some self respect in your life. It's not all about him, you have to live too!! Continue to show him that he can trust you. Usually, if someone is telling you that you are not trustworthy, it's THEM who can't be trusted. Marriage is for couples, not just one person!! Good luck!
2006-10-03 05:18:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly it sounds like you do not have a lasting relationship there! I guess you should probably start with asking if he can take you out on the town. If he can't take you out or let you off on your own the relationship should end.
2006-10-03 05:20:09 · answer #10 · answered by num1accent01 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋