He has an abusive nature especially when hes drinking. I have no where to go and if I left I would have to give up all my belongings ( I mean everything is mine ) including my dog. I want out but dont have the $ or people to help me move. I cant stand him anymore , but I still love him too.I hate it the next day he acts like nothing happened or its my fault or worse yet he will buy me presents or flowers.And now he doesn't even want to have sex. I'm very confused and depressed and need someone elses words. I have turned into a drunk too thats the only thing that helpsme get thru the day sometimes.
2006-10-03 05:11:54 · 17 answers · asked by debbie m 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he is abusive, you should seek help. You are not in a unique situation.
There are ways to legally keep your blongings. Domestic voilence counselors can be the best resource for what the rules are in your area.
I guarantee that there will be some tough choices, but in the long run, you have to protect yourself.
2006-10-03 05:15:35 · answer #1 · answered by Brewfun 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are women's shelters in every area..I'm sure if you called they would take you in. I know it's hard to leave your dog and your material possessions, but if he is abusive, then you must think of your life first. The key is not him...it's you. Only you can take yourself out of that situation..and only you can do the things you need to do to turn your life around. The shelter will help you with that as well. Once you have a good job of your own and can support yourself you won't be dependent on someone that is abusive towards you. I am sure you will get the emotional support you need as well by working through a shelter. If everything is yours - then you won't have to give it up just because you are at a shelter. They will get you an attorney through legal aide if you need one who will help you gain possession of your things. If you can borrow aprox $100 you can store your items for up to 3 months in most storage centers...
There is much you will have to do, and it may seem overwhelming and hard..but it can be done. Good luck to you!
2006-10-03 05:20:23 · answer #2 · answered by svmainus 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When dealing with an abusive alcoholic it is important to remember that you are the only one that you can save. In no way will you be able to change him other than to make him worse by trying. This is something he will have to do on his own. If you are a true alcoholic yourself then you need to take action immediately to get yourself straight. I know it is hard to leave everything behind but sometimes it is well worth the cost when it comes to your personal welfare.
2006-10-03 05:17:20 · answer #3 · answered by Letsee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want out. You need to get out.
First, I would verbally communicate with him (in a calm, non-confrontational way) that you are not happy with the situation. Be blunt and to the point.
If this isn't possible--if you believe that you would be placing yourself in harms way--
How about booting his butt out?? Is that a viable possibility? Who's name is the residence rented under or owned by? You, him or both? Does he have co-workers that he can crash at and figure things out on his own? You can get the police involved (you may have to have them there when you extract him)...get a court ordered restraint against him and pack all of his crap up and have it ready to go.
Aside from that, you need to start surrounding yourself with friends. Anything is possible...and you CAN get out from under this. You stating that you are stuck and there is no way out--you not applying back-bone to this situation, only states that you are making up an excuse not to extricate yourself from this situation. You are just staying with the status quo. Leave the dog and your belongings?? WHY?? People pack things up and take things and pets with them if they WANT to. Do you work? Do you have co-workers that you can talk to, to persuade to help you out? I'm sure that you can find someone to help you...even your boss. If you WANT to do this, you WILL find a way. If you don't have a job--get one.
Make a new plan, Stan--you don't need to be coy, Roy---just get on the bus, Gus---just drop off the key, Lee--and set yourself free.
This type of change is stressful. It never isn't. But, you know your situation better than anyone--listen to your innerself and do the best thing.
Good luck!
2006-10-03 05:27:57 · answer #4 · answered by What, what, what?? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you need to stop the drinking which will not solve anything, then make up your mind on if you want happiness or pity. You can start over again even if it means being by yourself for a while to get your life straighten. Don't let him take your thunder when there's so much left for you in life to look forward too. Men tend to feed on misery, especially females, so if you sink to his level then it's no one fault but YOURS.
2006-10-03 05:43:15 · answer #5 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's no excuse for abuse and making the other person think it's their fault. If someone has a drinking problem, there's only one thing to do about it. Confront the person, with the help of someone he trusts - brother, sister, parent, etc. - and he either gets help, or gets out. WHo says that you have to give up your belongings, or be the one to leave? Remember, you don't have to do that alone, get someone to help you and pick the right time to confront him.
2006-10-03 05:19:25 · answer #6 · answered by bardstale 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Start stashing money. If you have a job, you should be able to do that. Love isnt enough to keep a relationship together but you already realize that its not working.
It may be difficult, but there is always someplace else to go. Even a womans shelter would be better than what you are going through now.
2006-10-03 05:15:57 · answer #7 · answered by JC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't just turn yourself into a drunk, it wont solve anything. The best thing you can do is to leave him, such a man cannot and will not bring happiness to you. As far as your belongings are concerned...it's difficult, sorry, I cannot give you any advice since I am too young for those problems. Goodluck!
2006-10-03 05:17:30 · answer #8 · answered by iwanttoknoweverything 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
two alcoholics in one relationship is bad.there are plenty of places that you can turn to for help and leave. you say you still love him and i know its hard to just pick up and leave but you gottat think do i want to put up with this for the rest of my life? next time he is abusive call the police and have him arrested then he will be the one thats leaving and not you. just get out now before you leave in a body bag.
2006-10-03 05:14:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you both drunkards. AA Alcoholics Anonymous, I'm sure you've heard of it before, but this can be one step forward. You have a drink problem that you need to deal with,after you can deal with the rest. Good luck
2006-10-03 05:15:38 · answer #10 · answered by Ya-sai 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋