I think I might be reading to much into everything?

Question

my husband resently cheated on my and now everything seems to be going back to normal but every little thing that he does I really take personally or example he is at the beach today with his freinds and I am at work I really dont know the people he is with so when I told him I loved him to get off the phone he just said bye and now I think he ment something about it or maybe he didnt want someone else to hear him say it to me. what do you guys think

Answer 1

Lyn,

How you're feeling is very very understandable. I think many people experience the same thing when they are in your situation.

You had thought things were fine. Then you found out your husband had broken his vow to you. That was certainly a big shock.

Now, although things look okay, you still remember that things looked good the last time -- while he was cheating. So maybe now the same thing is happening. You no longer feel like you can even trust your own senses, because it could all be a lie.

And you were the one who was hurt, so you're still dealing with that.

I think, from your post, that in this particular situation, your worries are overwhelming you. Your husband's behavior here sounds within the range of "normal" to me. So don't fret with this one -- unless there were other things about the call (i.e., whispered conversation, fudging around topics, etc.) that concerned you.

Still, your husband's betrayal now makes it difficult to trust him, and without trust the relationship can't work out.

I would really find someone to advise you -- either a very wise friend with experience with this, or a counselor of some sort, to help you determine when your worries are realistic and when they are just derailing you and your marriage.

It will take some time to learn how to trust your own senses again, so be patient with yourself.

Answer 2

I have never cheated on my fiance but she has been cheated on in every relatioship she had, so she cannot trust at all. I ove her, so there are some things I know I MUST do to keep her from losing it:

-On the phone, no matter where I am, I will say I love you and I expect to hear it back
-My cell is always on, unless I go to the movies
-When we go out, we hold hands, no need to act like we dont know eachother

And a whole bunch of other things that I dont like doing, but I do because it keeps her happy. You should tell him what makes you happy, after all you do have a reason to be concern.
If he is not willing to do these things for you, it time to move on

Answer 3

It will always be difficult to have a realtionship with someone after they cheat. As you can see, trust is an issue at this time, and that is not your fault. However, sadly to say, if you cannot regain your trust then your marriage is going to end. Most times, after trying to save a marriage due to one spouses acts on infidelity, the marriage cannot be saved because trust is never regained back.
Also, at this point, since your husband has hurt you in the past and knows that you're wary of his situations then he should actually want to say I love you around his friends and when he is out to prove that he cares about you.
I think you need to talk to your husband about how you're feeling but if he continues to go places and when you say you love him, he doesn't say it back then you need to leave him. It seems suspicious to me that he is "at the beach with friends" and can't tell you a simple I Love You. And, if he has cheated before then he is perfectly capable of doing so a second time. Be careful.

Answer 4

I don't think you're over dramatizing the situation at all. I'd be concerned too. I can say that you know at this moment whether it's something you can truly get over or not. Marriage is nothing without trust. I'm not saying you should leave him. I think if you can really get over it and trust him again, then sure, try again. But if you really know that you won't, then you'll be miserable. You could try telling him that it made you really uncomfortable that he didn't say it back, and ask if he even noticed. I think that if he said he didn't notice, that would hurt me worse than him just not wanting someone else to hear it. That to me would mean that he is not as into you as he once was and that you have become just someone in his life. Not THE someone.

Answer 5

My husband recently had an affair as well, so I understand how hard it is to trust him. He should be doing everything within his power to earn some of your trust back babe. There is no reason what so ever he could not have told you he loved you EXCEPT for not wanting someone else to hear him. Also you mentioned him being with people you don't know, that is one of the oldest player tricks in the players manual.

Answer 6

You may be reading more into this, then it actually is, when guys are together, they may tease, him if they hear him say, I love you too. It appears that you and your husband have not fully aired out your problems, since the affair. You need to talk about it with him, or go and see a counselor. this is why you are still having all these things going on in your head.

Answer 7

Hummmm....he's at the beach...while your at work? That is grounds for divorce right there! Been there done that. If you don't know the friends then you can't even be sure if there are girls around. All he is thinking of is himself. There are too many good people out there to be with a self absorbed baby. Good luck.

Answer 8

Honey, if he cheated on you, you have every right to be on edge. HE made the mistake. Why is he at the beach when you are working???? And why don't you know his friends??? You are right to feel the way you do. He needs to grovel until you say he doesn't need to anymore, no matter how long it takes.

Answer 9

You're definitely not reading too much into this. He needs to be kissing your *** and thanking you daily for giving him another chance. He needs to put out a huge effort to make you feel confident once again in your relationship, and if you have doubts and feel like you need to question him, then you have every right to do so, he's the one who made the decision to cheat, now he has to make it right again.

Answer 10

they say, "once a cheater, always a cheater" which is not necessarily true but....if you decided to give him a second chance, both of you should work on making the relationship stronger and recovering your trust in him and maybe you could get counseling to achieve this, but he needs to be careful and try gaining your trust back, so it's not only about you forgiving and forgetting. Get him involved!!!